He stroked a finger over her tight fist and she opened it. Her diamanté watch lay in her palm. “Do you want me to put this on for you?” He wasn’t too sure of the significance of her action. As far as he could remember, she’d always worn that watch.
“I don’t know.” Tears gathered in her eyes. “I don’t know who I am, Hamish. I’m so confused.”
He smiled, trying to exude calm. “Let me.” He took the watch and slid it over her hand, clipped it on her wrist. She pushed it up her arm, a hysterical giggle falling from her lips. “Fits perfectly, but I guess it’s always been that way.” She bit her lip. “I don’t know how I got here. It’s all a muddle in my head.” She sighed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Do you think I’m mad?”
The sad look in her eyes almost broke him. “No, I don’t think you’re mad. Shall I tell you something?” Hamish paused until he had her attention. “When you said you weren’t coming back home, I was gutted. And then when we came to find you and they hadn’t seen you at the motel, we thought the worst. I brought Alex to the house to see if we could find any sign of you. The funny thing was, I could feel you there. Does that make me mad?”
Billie smiled. “I’m such a lucky woman to have Alex. He’s my rock. My quiet little man kept me saner than anyone else would have. I can’t believe I’ve put him through this much pain.”
“He only wants what’s best for you, Billie.” So do I. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, the cold from her skin seeping into his.
“Hamish?”
“Hmm?”
“I want to thank you for finding me.” She picked at the top sheet with her other hand, running it through her fingers. Colour bruised her cheeks. An uncomfortable lump sat in his gut. Was this a prelude to him getting his marching orders? Not now she had started to mean to him. That would hardly be fair. “Alex really likes you and you’ve been so good to him, to both of us really.”
“What are friends for?”
He’d missed her these last few days.
“I’m lucky to have you in our lives and I hope we can still be friends after this. I’ll understand of course if you want to distance yourself from me.” She glanced away and gave a nervous laugh. “I mean, I sound crazy, right? Enough to scare anyone away.”
Hamish wound his fingers through hers. The pulse in her throat jumped, matching the erratic beat of his heart. “I don’t scare easily.” He smiled, relieved. “And I think we make a great team. Something I’ve decided I’d like to explore a little deeper when you think you’re ready.”
Billie sucked in a breath. “Um, if you think, I mean, do you really want to get involved with someone as damaged as me? I’m pretty sure my mother would’ve filled you in on all of my problems. I doubt that conversation would have been pretty.”
You’re not damaged, Billie. Not really. “I’m old enough to make up my own mind and what your mother says doesn’t really faze me. I see things differently to Lucy and the battles you’re fighting over the loss of your husband, well you’re doing incredibly well as far as I’m concerned.”
She bit her lip, peeked down at their joined hands. “If you’re serious about this, there are some things you need to know.” She blinked rapidly then began to speak, her voice a little shaky with emotion. “You already know I was a handful as a teenager and ended up leaving home to get away from my mother. We used to fight something shocking, I’m sure you can believe that. Call it teenage angst or maybe we were too similar. I don’t understand it myself. Anyway, I moved to America and there I met Stephen. From the moment we met I knew he was the one.” She glanced at him. Hamish kept his silence.
“We married when I was twenty and it was all I could ask for. Alex came along and my job went from strength to strength. I had a knack for weeding out people’s secrets and Stephen encouraged me to get a journalism degree because of it. I loved my job and we were happy.” Billie dragged in a ragged breath. Memories could be hard.
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
“You know how I reacted to his death. I blame myself more than anything. Not for his death as such but the circumstances surrounding that day. I put my job before him, hurried out to get another story without making sure he heard me say goodbye. That’s the part I’m having trouble with. The missed opportunity, the closeness that I let slip away, the regret.”
“Billie, from a clinical point of view, that’s perfectly normal to blame yourself. Everyone does it to some degree when they lose someone. But think of it this way – if we stopped and second guessed every little action we did during the day, how far do you think we’d get?”
“Not very.”
“Exactly. It’s going to take you time to get over it and I wouldn’t expect you to ever forget him either. You were married for a long time. Don’t ever feel guilty for thinking of him or mentioning his name. It’s not going to upset me in the slightest.”
“Really?”
“Really. I knew about your past before I decided I wanted to know you better. I’m not exactly worldly but I’m not naive either. For most of my adult life I’ve been consumed by my career. Some women would call me staid and boring and they’d be right. I am.”
“It never bothered me.” Billie let the words slip out then groaned.
“What’s wrong? Changed your mind already?”
“Not at all. I wonder if we should sort out what’s going on before you make any rash decisions
