Ethan was torn between his own pain at finding out about his child and the difficult decision she’d had to make while he’d been oblivious to it all.
“When we found out, Rake offered two choices. He would arrange for me to come back here or he would marry me.” Mari reached for a tissue from the top of the refrigerator and blew her nose. “After many sleepless nights, I knew I couldn’t come back. The risk was too great. Besides, you’d made your position clear, Ethan. You wanted nothing more to do with me and I wasn’t going to force you to make a situation you wanted no part of.”
“But we were kids. What I said was in the heat of the moment.” He wanted to plead with her to understand but it was too late. She’d made the decision without him and laid the blame firmly at his feet where it perhaps totally belonged. How was he going to deal with this?
“In a way you were right. We were too young to get so serious. Who knows what you want to do at eighteen, nineteen? You had things you wanted to do and I would’ve been a hindrance to you. Besides, you made it clear that children weren’t in your future, and neither was I.”
“Don’t you think I should have known? Even if you didn’t want to be with me, you owed me that much.” Too many times he’d thought over that night and the words he’d said to her. He’d been petty and mean but something had burst inside him, made him angry and he’d taken it out on her. “I don’t blame you for hating me, but this—I didn’t deserve this.”
She shook her head. “I never hated you, Ethan. Yes, what you said was cruel and unforgivable but I never hated you. I tried to get in touch but you ignored me. What was I supposed to do?” Her voice had risen and bordered on hysterical.
“You never got in touch. Don’t you think I would’ve come and brought you home if I’d known you were going to have my child? What kind of asshole do you take me for?”
“I messaged you twice and both times you ignored me. I tried calling but you didn’t answer the phone either. What the heck was I supposed to think? I did what I thought was best.”
He’d never seen her so fired up but then, he felt like he hadn’t really known her at all.
Ethan walked over to her. “I never got any messages. Are you sure you sent them to me or is this your way of covering your butt?”
The look of astonishment in her eyes said it all. He could be such an idiot at times and it looked as though this was one of the best yet. Mari took her old cell phone from her back pocket. She scrolled through the messages and turned it around for him to see.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:58 p.m. “Ethan we need to talk. Pls. xoxo”
He raised his eyes to hers, hated the way the tears trickled down her cheeks. He looked back at the phone.
August 1st, 2008 at 6:48 a.m. “Ethan, pls, talk to me. I need to tell you something important.”
“I didn’t get these, I swear.” He swallowed hard.
The lump in his throat was more than mere disappointment. It was regret mixed with a hefty dose of reality. She was telling the truth.
“I didn’t want to ruin your life any more than I already had. I wanted you to have a good life, not be saddled down with a drug addict’s daughter and a child you didn’t want.” She grabbed another tissue. “I thought I had the right to a decent life too and your brother offered me that. I’d have been a fool to say no to him.”
Chapter Four
They managed to call a truce for the day and Ethan went back to work, but not before telling her he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything but the fact that he’d had a son he didn’t know. He looked as though he was shattered and appeared like a zombie staggering around the jobsite while his brain spun uselessly over and over.
But Mari didn’t want him to meet Noah like this. He had to get himself under control and process the news. He had a lot to think about and no headspace for any of it. Mari urged him to take his time. She wanted him more settled before he met Noah so she kept out of his way until later in the day when the school bus was due to stop outside the hotel. Mari walked out and waited in the shade for her son. He was so nervous about meeting his father when she dropped him at her sister’s that morning, she wanted to reassure him.
His face was pressed against the glass as the bus pulled up. She smiled at him hoping to waylay his fears. He came clomping down the stairs and dragged his backpack over to where she waited. “Noah, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”
“Is he going to take me away?”
She crouched down and pulled him close, willing the emotions to settle down. It was a very real possibility but she didn’t think Ethan would go that far. But when people were hurt, anything could happen.
It was a risk she had to take. “No, honey. But he does want to meet you. In fact, he’s inside working now. Are you up to it?” She wanted him to think he had some say in the process.
“I guess.” He looked toward the back door. “Is that him?”
Mari looked over Noah’s shoulder. “Yes. That’s your father.” She stood up and took his hand. “Come on, let’s do this together.”
Ethan smiled as they came closer. “Hi, Noah. I’m pleased to
