“You could’ve told me what was going on. I would’ve helped you. Surely you must know that?”
“Oh, Pearl. I can’t imagine me telling you that Ethan and I’d slept together and then he’d dumped me for someone else who wanted nothing from him but a good time. I doubt it would’ve gone down well no matter how well-intentioned you might feel now. I was insecure and I pushed him for too much too soon, I get that. I don’t think anyone could have fixed that for us.”
“And my grandson. How could you keep me away from that child? What kind of person would do that to a grandmother?”
“I never meant to hurt you, Pearl. You have to believe me on that. And to be honest, if it wasn’t for Rake, I don’t know that I would’ve come back either.”
“All those years I missed out that I can’t get back. The two of you a couple with a child and I missed it all. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.”
“I understand.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “And just so you know, I had no idea Rake was going to take his own life. His diagnosis was a shock. I think he suspected it and that’s why he ended things. He didn’t want to become a burden to anyone.”
Pearl’s lip quivered and her mouth moved with unspoken words. The tears welling up and spilling down her foster mother’s cheeks undid Mari. She ran forward and wrapped her arms around the crying woman, her own eyes filling. Whether it was the relief at finally meeting up again or memories of those early dark days when Pearl was the one who held Mari together, she wasn’t sure. Being blamed for something she had no say in didn’t help, but she owed Rake and if it meant his mother was going to tear strips off of her, so be it. She owed her that much at least.
All Mari knew was seeing this woman made her feel whole again. Pearl was the only mother she’d ever had in the true sense of the word and she’d missed her so much. But with it came the guilt and the pain Mari had caused her.
Ever since the fateful night when Mr. Benson had accused Mari of trashing their house in a fit of anger because Ethan had dumped her, and of interfering with his family, Mari was on borrowed time, especially since Ethan hadn’t supported her. Jeff Benson’s dark gaze had followed her every move, making her feel as though she wasn’t wanted, even when she’d tried to explain what had happened. For the first time in her life, he wasn’t prepared to listen. Not to her and certainly not to his own wife. And never to Rake, the black sheep of the family, the son who always argued no matter who was right or wrong. It seemed as though Jeff was on a mission to drive her out of his house and eventually he’d won.
Pearl clung to Mari as though her life depended on it. The older woman’s body shook with her sobs and it was all Mari could do to hold her up. She guided her to the small nook by the staircase and eased her down onto the old button-leather couch.
“I’m so sorry.” Pearl sniffled and reached into her pocket for a tissue. “I promised Ethan I wouldn’t cry when I saw you but I knew that wasn’t going to be the case.”
“It’s okay.”
Ethan hovered in the doorway and Mari smiled to let him know it was okay. He watched for a moment before he went back to work and she concentrated on his mother.
Pearl wiped her eyes and tried to smile but it only set her off crying again. “Look at me. I’m such a wreck. I’m so angry with you but I missed you so much.” She blew her nose and dabbed at her tears and gave a shaky laugh. “Gosh, I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Mari reached for her hand. “You have no idea how much.”
“Oh, honey. What can I say? It was our fault you left. I know that. I’m just so glad you came back.”
“How could I possibly stay away any longer? Noah has a right to know his family.”
Pearl’s eyes filled again. “Why, Mari? Why didn’t you tell us that much at least? If I’d only known it wouldn’t be so bad.”
Mari bit her lip. “I know I should’ve. When I couldn’t get hold of Ethan, I thought about calling you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’d made his choice and if I’d called you, we both know what would’ve happened. I didn’t want to ruin his life by making him stand up and become a father when he wasn’t ready. Stupid and naive of me but I was pretty young too. Rake gave me an easy out and I took it.”
“He was so reliable. At least you had him to look after you.”
“You didn’t deserve the silent treatment though.” She shook her head. “Pearl, I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Why didn’t you tell us about Rake’s illness? How could you let him die and us not be there?”
“It wasn’t my choice. And to be honest, I thought we still had a few years left in which I could change his mind. I tried to convince him to let you come but he wouldn’t have it.” She thought back. “In the end, his moods were terrible—all part of the trauma, so we were told—and I’d do anything to keep him calm. Even keep it all from you. And then he took his life and I never saw it coming. He’d never, ever mentioned suicide before but, looking back, I understand why he did it. It was a terrible illness, Pearl.” How would she ever be able to explain it? “Of course, they couldn’t confirm the correct diagnosis until after…when he died…but
