For a long time he sat on the library steps between the stone sisters, and after a while it became possible to think. Just a little at first. It was one thing to reconcile himself to Beth’s mistakes of the past; mistakes that were over and done with, mistakes that were above all normal. But it was quite another to accept her strange transgression with Laura.
Charlie thought back over the year. He knew he had satisfied Beth, he knew she wanted him. He had not been putting up a front when he told Laura that Beth loved him. Beth did love him. That could only mean one thing: that her feelings for Laura were not true love, not the kind of love she had for him.
He began to breathe a little more freely. Beth was an iconoclast, he knew that. She was an experimenter. And her failures, her frigidity with men might have pushed her to make this most extraordinary experiment of all: to look for release with a woman. Coming at it from that angle it wasn’t quite so shocking—and it gave him hope. If Laura was an experiment for Beth, she wasn’t a permanent thing. She represented a phase Beth had to go through.
Charlie smacked his fist into his palm. He stood up and slapped the nearest stone woman on the rump. He had made up his mind. Beth needed someone to guide her, to talk to her and straighten her out. She needed someone to love, with real love. He would see to it that she got it.
Twenty
Beth was pensive that evening, but Laura was so gay that she had trouble concentrating on her misgivings. Laura was learning from her how to tease, and she could rouse and delight Beth very skillfully now. She rarely missed an opportunity to do it. Beth sat on the couch with a book in her hands, and Laura came up to her and pulled it out.
“What’s that?” she said, glancing at it as she sat beside Beth.
“James.”
“What’s it for?”
“Class tomorrow.”
“Class doesn’t matter any more.” Laura said. “Nothing matters any more but you and me. You have to study me now, Beth.”
Beth laughed and caressed her, but her doubts grew stronger, nevertheless. She might have revolted against the plan, begged Laura to wait till the school year was up, if a letter hadn’t come the next day from Emmy.
There had been several; Beth answered them all and they had been brave and hopeful. But this one was forsaken and bitter for the first time. Emmy hadn’t seen Bud for two weeks, her parents were needling her, she couldn’t find a job. She said:
“Beth, whatever happens, don’t ever let yourself get into a mess like this, ever. Everybody knows what happened—it’s so hard to face them all.
“I’d always thought men would give you a fair shake if you were honest with them. But now I’m beginning to wonder. I haven’t heard from Bud for two weeks—not a word. And I’ve written every day. I’d call, but I’m afraid I’d embarrass him—make him mad, or something.”
Make Bud mad! What’s Bud done to deserve any consideration?
“Besides, I have some unwelcome news for him. He may have to marry me, whether he wants to or not.”
Beth crumpled the letter harshly in her hand, too angry and vengeful even for tears.
Laura came into the room, back from her last class. She was breathless and happy and she threw her arms around Beth and said, “Oh, Beth, I can’t wait!”
Beth hugged her. She felt good, the weather was good, the idea was good, the time was right. Emmy was right, there was no good in men.
They planned to meet at the station at four-thirty. The train pulled out at five-fifteen; they’d have time for a sandwich, plenty of time to get good seats.
A lot of trunks went home in April full of winter clothes. Theirs had left with a bunch of others, unnoticed. Beth simply left most of the room furnishings. They were hers and she didn’t care about them.
“I’m rich, Laura,” she said gaily. “I’m twenty-one and I’ve got my own money now, and no one can take it away from me, not even Uncle John. I’m free.” And it was wonderful.
Beth had an afternoon class, and as Laura didn’t, they planned to go down to the station separately and meet there.
Beth got out of her last class at three and headed for the Union. Her conscience troubled her; she was leaving a big job in a big mess. She went up to her office and tried to straighten things out.
“Leaving us?” someone called out, eyeing her little traveling bag.
She was startled for a minute. “No,” she said. “I mean—home for the weekend.”
“Lucky girl. Wish I could take a weekend off.”
She laughed nervously and went to work. It was after four when she stopped. She tidied up her desk with an unsettling sense of finality, pulled her jacket on, took her bag firmly by the handle, and walked out of her office, through the Student Activities room and into the spacious hall, heading for the elevator.
Charlie stood up from a bench by the stair well. Tve been waiting for you,” he said.
She stood frozen for a minute, and then she started briskly for the elevator. “I haven’t got time, Charlie.”
“Well, make time,” he said. He caught her arms and took her bag from her. “Going someplace?”
“Yes. Let me go.”
“Not this time, Beth. Where’re you going?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“All right,” he said. An elevator stopped and the doors opened and people spilled out. “I’m going to talk to you,
