“Dammit, Prudence, knock it off!” I whirled on her. “Zelda called because you were scaring her with your stomping around in the attic. She asked me to come help.”
“I was not speaking to you, Executioner.” Prudence shoved me into the wall and grabbed Cornelius by the ear.
Cornelius yelled in pain, trying to pull free. But Prudence’s grip was badger-like, a fact I’d experienced myself more than once in the past.
“Be still!” she ordered, her voice low and gravelly, sounding almost demonic.
He froze.
So did I.
Doc was right. I shouldn’t have brought Cornelius here today.
“Prudence,” I said in the calm, level tone I often used when playing referee to my twins. “Let. Him. Go.”
“Not until I determine why he is attempting to bring uninvited pests into my house.”
What the hell was she talking about?
“What pests? Cornelius, do you have a talking cricket in your pocket along with your lucky cannon?” He rarely left home without an auspicious talisman of some sort. Maybe Jiminy Cricket was his newest version of a rabbit foot.
Prudence scoffed at me. “The depth of your ignorance is baffling.”
“Don’t start, Prudence,” I muttered, crossing my arms.
She didn’t listen. “Frankly, I am astounded that your ancestral line was not exterminated long ago by a fribble troll.”
“My line is as fierce and vicious as yours.” Maybe even more, being that mine was still in flesh-and-blood existence, whereas she was the last of hers.
“Your line is made up of club-swinging cave dwellers.”
“Listen, if I wanted to be insulted, I’d have gone to the Deadwood police station to see Cooper and his crew of Keystone Cops.”
“How am I supposed to accomplish the tasks remaining with a bumbling blunderbuss at my disposal?”
“That’s it.” I threw up my hands. “We’re leaving. Tell Zelda I tried to help but I couldn’t squeeze past your big, fat-ass ego filling the foyer.”
I reached for the door handle, but she shoved me back into the wall again. Before I could recover, she did a full-body slam into Cornelius, flattening him against the door with his head turned in my direction.
“I can’t … move,” he managed to get out between gasps for breath. “The evil scarecrow … somehow made my … muscles freeze.”
“She’s not an evil scarecrow, just a zealous, territorial ghost in green flannel loungewear with the power to possess and manipulate the living with her mind.”
His eyes widened. “And that’s … better?”
I half-cringed. “Look on the bright side. At least she hasn’t tried to pull out your teeth yet.” I pushed on Zelda’s shoulder, but she wouldn’t budge. How in Hades was such a petite woman so impossible to move? It was like she’d turned to solid marble. “Prudence, let him go.”
Her free hand shot out and seized mine, bending it backward hard and fast. I cried out and dropped to my knees, pain shooting up my arm.
“Do not attempt to free this rascal until I am through exposing his secrets, Scharfrichter.” She pressed closer to Cornelius, her lips pulled back in a fierce sneer.
“Okay! Okay!” I hollered, still on my knees. “Just don’t hurt him. He’s a friend of mine.”
“A competent Executioner has no need for colleagues. We are bred to annihilate unaided.”
I never claimed to be competent. Heck, there were many days that I relied on my Magic 8 ball to see me through until sundown and tequila to smooth over my nights.
I tried to extricate my hand from her grip. “And he helps me in the dark realm.”
The whites of her eyes turned my way. “What do you know of the dark realm?” Her question was overflowing with contempt.
“If you let Cornelius live, I’ll tell you.”
“I’m not going to slay him, you fool.” She pulled on his ear, dragging him down to her level. “I only want to take a peek at what he’s concealing.”
“Violet,” Cornelius rasped. “Tell her I’m not … concealing anything.”
“Prudence, he’s not—”
She shushed me.
“Would you at least—”
She shushed me again, tightening her grip on my hand. Then she leaned close to him and licked along the curve of his outer ear.
Cornelius squeezed his eyes closed. “Violet, don’t let her … eat my ear.”
Prudence sucked air between her teeth. “But ears are so crunchy.”
I scowled up at her. “Prudence, would you stop messing around and do your little parlor trick so we can be done with this? You’re being extremely rude to my friend, who came along to help you.” I was stretching the truth a bit there about Cornelius’s intentions, but this territorial display was getting old. “And let go of my damned hand.”
“I do not take orders from the likes of you,” she said, but she let go of me just the same. “Now, let’s see what you’ve secreted away between your tasty ears.” She placed both hands over Cornelius’s ears, raised her chin, and closed her eyes.
Cornelius shuddered for a moment, and then his eyes rolled upward, the whites shining back at me.
“Prudence,” I said, my voice loud in the hushed foyer. “That’s enough.”
Neither of them moved.
“Hey!” I poked her shoulder. “Let go of him.”
Zelda’s body began to tremble.
What the hell? This was a new version of an old trick. Was Prudence switching bodies right before my eyes?
I reached over and tried the light switch next to the door again. The overhead chandelier and wall sconces lit up the scene, the sight of which was even more chilling in the light.
“Stop it, Prudence.” I tried to pull Zelda’s body away from Cornelius, but it was like they were glued together.
Zelda began to cough and gasp, sounding as if she were choking.
My pulse rocketed. Years of being on alert for my children choking on small toys or gobs of pizza cheese propelled me into action. I grabbed Zelda by the hips and tried to haul her backward, but she wouldn’t budge.
“Damn it, Prudence!” I slid my arm around Zelda’s waist and put my weight into pulling. “Let … him …”
Suddenly, Zelda broke free.
Like a pair of conga dancers in reverse, we stumbled backward together and tripped over each other’s feet,
