“How do you know so much about Capricorns?”
“Back before I had kids, I dated a guy who touted his Capricorn-ness. His name was Theodore and he worked in the IT department at a big accounting firm down in Rapid.” I chuckled at the memory of the few dates good old Theo and I had. “He liked to plan our dates down to how long we would take for appetizers, the main course, and dessert. Unfortunately for him, I tended to be pretty impulsive and rarely showed up on time, skipped the appetizers, and ordered dessert first.”
“How’s that different from now?” Harvey teased.
“Theodore also liked to plan out any after-dinner foreplay. I learned this little truth nugget after our third date when he handed me a schedule listing how long he wanted to spend kissing, and which order and direction I should rub his nipples.”
“You’re pullin’ my leg.”
“Nope. I still remember—it was counter-clockwise three times on the right and then clockwise three times; then repeat the cycle on the left one.” I could only imagine his numbered instructions for full-on sex. He probably counted thrusts and retreats, too. “That printed schedule was why we never made it to a fourth date.”
“Your Capricorn tale sort of reminds me of a gal I used to run up to North Dakota to visit twice a year.”
“Was she pretty regimented?”
“Nah, she was feisty, a real bobcat in your bedroll kind of girl, but she’d wear these tassels on her hooters and could make them circle in opposite directions at the same time. Sort of looked like one of those spinnin’ Chinese firecrackers when she got them whirlin’.”
I backhanded him in the chest, making him grunt.
“What was that for?” he asked, his two gold teeth shining back at me through his wiseacre grin.
“Because your bawdy tale had nothing to do with the subject at hand. You told me that story on purpose to make me blush.” And he’d succeeded. My cheeks were good and toasty.
“Maybe I did, or maybe I was just sharing nipple yarns with you. The point is, Coop’s birthday is coming up soon and while he doesn’t want to do anything about it, I’m thinkin’ maybe we should throw a surprise party anyway.”
I was thinking maybe we should NOT. Having a party against Cooper’s wishes would be like trying to shoe a wild bronco, sure to leave us kicked and bruised.
But rather than be a party pooper, I asked, “Do you have any ideas so far?”
We weaved through the valley below the Sugarloaf Building, which sat up high on the right.
“We could have Natalie pop up out of a cake.”
I let out a bark of laughter. “Let me guess, she’d be wearing a bikini.”
“No need to go that far, bein’ it’s winter and all. A tube top, short-shorts, and a tool belt would work just as well.”
“Tool belt?”
“Sure. You should’ve seen the way Coop gawked at Natalie down in Arizona when she was hammering on that back deck off her grandpa’s house. Hey, you think she could make a pair of tassels twirl, too?”
“No, and I doubt that Cooper the Capricorn would want Natalie doing any sort of burlesque acts for anyone other than him.”
He scratched his whiskers. “You’re probably right. That boy always was stingy with his favorite toys.”
As we neared the store Cooper had paid a visit to earlier this morning opposite the Open Cut, we came upon a line of cars and pickups that were rolling along at a slow but steady pace. I tapped on the brakes, wondering if this backup had anything to do with what had the Deadwood police racing up to Lead earlier.
“To be honest,” I said, “I’m not sure we should have a surprise party for Cooper.”
“Why not?”
“The guy’s blood pressure is already red-lining. He’ll probably end up shooting someone by accident, and with my luck it will be me.”
Harvey snickered. “You do make him mad enough to eat bees some days.”
Traffic started moving along a little faster. Thank the Maker because I was already taking too long to get to Prudence’s place, and I really liked all of my teeth where they were.
“What do you think is going on up ahead?” I asked as we rolled by the old First National Bank building. A block up I could see several cop cars with their lights flashing.
“I can’t tell. There seems to be some kind of commotion goin’ on in front of the mining museum.”
“Looks like they’re detouring us around it.”
Obeying the cop in the middle of the street directing traffic, I made a left on Siever Street and a right on Julius Street, going around the back of the Opera House. Harvey and I both craned our necks, trying to see what was happening up on the main drag, but the buildings were in the way.
I focused back on the road in front of me. “Let me know if you see anyth—Ahhh!”
I hit my horn and slammed on the brakes as the imp from the Sugarloaf Building loped across the road right in front of us.
“Ho!” Harvey shouted, using the dashboard to brace himself.
The imp screeched and jumped straight up, coming down on my hood.
My jaw fell open. “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”
The imp looked through the windshield at me, its lips pulling back in a snarl. It hissed and threw something small and hard at the windshield.
Before I could blink, the sucker shot off the hood and scurried off to my left, dashing around several trees, running along a wooden fence, and disappearing behind an apartment building.
“What in tarnation, girl!”
“I just saw the imp. It headed up that way.” I thumbed out my window.
“I didn’t see a thing.” He peered around me. “But I heard a stone hit the window.”
“It threw something at me.” I tried to catch a glimpse of the
