She steadied herself. Her thoughts were spiraling, along with her emotions. It hadn’t taken long for the initial fear she’d felt to pass, but it had been replaced with a deep gnawing within her, like she was being eaten from inside.
Ruby collapsed onto a nearby bench. She felt awful about how she’d reacted toward Yvonne. Ruby hadn’t truly believed Yvonne would hurt her. Yvonne’s actions tonight had made that even more clear. Ruby hadn’t even used her safeword, but Yvonne had stopped anyway.
Yvonne wasn’t him. Ruby knew that. But at that moment, when Yvonne had said those words, she’d gone right back to that nightmare of her past, a past she’d thought she’d finally overcome.
But she just couldn’t escape it.
She swallowed back her growing tears. Her thoughts were going to dark places. What was wrong with her? Was this that ‘crash’ Yvonne had warned her about, that drop that came after the high? Her emotions felt out of control.
Yvonne had been right. Ruby needed her. But she didn’t think she was capable of walking home without collapsing into a puddle of sobs.
Her hands trembling, she took out her phone and called Yvonne.
Yvonne picked up instantly. “Ruby. Where are you?”
There was something comforting about Yvonne’s firm, steady voice. Ruby couldn’t stop her own voice from quivering when she finally spoke. “I’m at the park.”
“I’ll be right there. Don’t go anywhere. I won’t be long.”
Ruby hung up the phone. All she had to do was keep it together until Yvonne arrived, but the prospect seemed impossible. She felt so miserable and alone. She was glad there was no one else around. It was taking all her effort to keep the despair she felt from overwhelming her.
Yvonne arrived five minutes later, but it felt like so much longer. As soon as she spotted Ruby, she hurried over and pulled Ruby into her arms. The next thing Ruby knew, she was sobbing uncontrollably.
“You were right.” A tremor went through her. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Yvonne held her tightly. “I’m here. You’re all right.”
“Why do I feel like this? I’ve never felt so awful before.”
“I know. It’s just subdrop. You’ll start to feel better soon. Why don’t we go home so I can take care of you?”
Ruby sniffled. “I think I need a minute.”
“That’s okay. We have all the time in the world.”
Yvonne pulled Ruby down to sit on the bench, drawing her close again. Ruby closed her eyes and buried herself in Yvonne’s shoulder, letting everything she was feeling flow from her. Eventually, her tears dried up, and she stopped shaking, but she was still left with a hollow, sinking feeling in her chest.
She pulled away. “I’m so sorry for how I acted.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” Yvonne said.
“I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t you that I was running away from. I don’t think you’d ever do anything to hurt me.”
“I know. And we don’t need to talk about this now. It can wait till later.”
“But I do want to talk about it,” Ruby said.
“Are you sure? All your emotions are heightened right now. It isn’t the best time to talk about something sensitive.”
“I’m sure. I need to tell you the truth.” Ruby drew in a slow, deep breath. “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you.”
Yvonne was silent for a moment. “Is this about ‘him?’”
Ruby nodded. “He was a client. At least, he was at first. Then he became more.”
“You were in a relationship with him?”
“Yes. But not just any relationship.” Ruby hesitated. “He was my Dom.”
Yvonne’s lips tightened, a visible flash of anger behind her eyes.
“I know! All along, you thought I was new to this, and I let you think that. I lied to you, even after you told me over and over how important it was for us to be honest with each other. I’m sorry. I messed up, and I know it.”
“Ruby, it’s not you that I’m mad at. This man, this so-called ‘Dom.’ He mistreated you, didn’t he?”
“Not at first.” Ruby’s voice faltered. “When I started seeing him as a client, he seemed so charming and kind. We clicked instantly. I’ve been doing the escort thing for a long time, and until then I’d never had feelings for a client, let alone considered a relationship with one. So many clients tried to win me over, to ‘save’ me, to buy me away from my life of escorting.
“But he wasn’t like that at all. He seemed so genuine. And I was so drawn to the power he radiated, even before he told me he was a Dom. I’ve always had a submissive side, but I’d never truly explored it until him. The more we explored together, the harder I fell for him, until eventually, I realized I was in love with him. So when he asked me to move in with him, to be his girlfriend and submissive, and to give up my job, I agreed. Everything was great at first. But it didn’t take long before things began to change.”
Ruby swallowed. “He wasn’t like you. He wasn’t careful. He didn’t care about safewords and limits, let alone aftercare. He said we didn’t need any of that. He said that we trusted each other, and that was all that mattered. And I believed him, until he…”
Yvonne put her hand on Ruby’s. “You don’t need to talk about this if you don’t want to.”
“No, I do.” Ruby drew in a deep breath. “It started when he became controlling in subtle ways, with small, mundane things. He’d dictate what I was allowed to do, how I was allowed to dress, all in a way that made it seem like it was part of our power games. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Then, he started crossing lines in a physical way. He’d push my limits, do things he knew I didn’t like, and he’d apologize after. But then he started taking things even
