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“Haz?” I couldn't open my eyes but I heard her voice calling my name. “Haz please wake up!?” The tone in her voice was full of worry and I snapped back into the world of reality. I was breathing heavily, sweat droplets were falling from my head and back as she cupped my face. Her bright green eyes were glazed over with tears and I touched her shoulder. “What’s wrong?” She questioned me and I had no answers, I couldn't tell her about my nightmares about what happened back then and what happened to her since. I grimaced. Her tiny fingers ran the length of my jaw and I wrapped an arm around her back, which pulled her on top of me. “You know this is the fifth time this week you’ve been screaming in your sleep?” Her frown appeared and I ran my fingers over her thighs as she placed her hand against my sweaty chest that was still going ten to the dozen.
“I don’t mean to scare you?” My voice wasn't as strong or sarcastic as I’d hoped and her frown seemed to deepen. I was now frowning and she shuffled under my glare.
“You’re not going to tell me are you?” I shake my head in an automatic response to her question.
“Av?” She stands and goes to exit towards the bathroom. I stand on my feet and reach for her hand. She stopped in her tracks and keet her face away from mine. “You’re nowhere near ready to hear about this.” She crossed her arms and slammed the door to the bathroom in my face. This wasn't going to be easy trying to avoid telling this highly strong woman all my deepest secrets. Some that she’ll never understand fully.
Chapter Ten
Vens - Monday 7th January
New Year, new me? I laughed at the thought. Christmas was always tough but New Year was probably worse. I’d stayed in on New Years Eve. Just so I wasn’t around any drug activity. I’d done too well to have it all ruined by one night. I yawned as I stretched out on the sofa, my arms felt heavy today and I spotted Av tip toeing past the living room door. I’d slept down here because she’d gone out and got absolutely wrecked. Jay had practically carried her home. He was sure she’d been spiked. I wasn’t so sure. I knew her head would have been extremely sore this morning. I smirked to myself and made my way towards the kitchen where she stood cradling her head. I rolled my eyes and placed my hand on the dip of her back. She rocked her hips from side to side and moaned inwardly.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. It was unclear whether it was an apology to herself or to me. The truth was she had no reason to apologise. We weren't really dating. She had every right to go out and get hammered and dance with whomever she wanted too. But that didn't make it any easier to swallow. She shook her head slowly and I was pretty sure I heard her swallow. “I mean it, I can’t even remember what happened.” She admitted. I rolled my eyes and moved my hand from her back. She stood slightly taller and turned to face me. Her face paled almost instantly and I crossed my arms against my chest in an effort to protect myself from her.
“I can.” My words were sharp. “You got really drunk with Nance and Soph and then Jay had a call from Alfie because you were struggling to stand up. He came to get you and you were dancing with a random bloke.” I watched as she cringed and shook her head.
“I wasn’t?” She denied. Maybe he hadn’t described it as dancing. He had said that Soph was trying to help her get him off her but I was too annoyed to admit it. Somebody else had touched her. “I don’t remember that.” There was a look of confusion in her eyes. Her face was strained. “I,” it was clear the words were struggling to come from her mouth and I shook my head slowly. Things lately had been going well. I turned away and headed towards the door before feeling a cold hand grip my arm. "Haz please I didn't?" Her eyes glazed over with tears and somehow my anger disappeared. I never wanted to see her cry. I never wanted to be the reason she cried.
"Hey," I whispered as I pulled her closer towards me. She gripped my t-shirt between her fingers and I held her closer. "Jay thinks you were spiked." I muttered into her hair, the familiar scent of her perfume intoxicated me and her pool of sea green looked up at me from underneath her wet lashes.
"Who would want to do that?" She questioned and I shrugged. I knew who wanted to. I knew it wouldn't be long before he got what he wanted and I'd made it so easy for him to do. I should have been with her.
"I dunno Avay." I lied. It was becoming increasingly difficult to lie to her. Being clean had given me a conscious. Her fingers were creeping up my neck towards my face and she tilted her face. Though I hated seeing her cry I loved the way she
