“I'm sorry?” Why is she apologising? Surely it should be me? I shook my head and stroked her cheek softly.
“Are you going to tell me what's wrong?” She looked away from my gaze again and shrugged.
“I just know when I leave this room we’re gonna go back to acting like we didn’t happen. Like last night didn’t happen,” I watched the tears gather in the corners of her eyes and I swallowed the lump growing in my throat “it’ll just be hard that’s all.” She couldn't look me in the eye.
“Look Av. It's for the best. I promise you.” She pushed herself up from underneath me and before I knew what I was doing I clutched her hand in mine. “I've tried to tell you that we are off limits? I keep trying to keep away from you. My aim isn’t to hurt you Avaya.” My words were stern and I watched as she looked at our hands. I ran my thumb over the back of her hand that I was holding and watched as her eyes closed softly.
“What if this isn’t best for me?” Her eyes filled with tears again and she shook her head.
“Trust me when I tell you that us keeping our distance is a good thing. You’re safer that way.” The tears escaped her eyes and I watched them fall silently down her face. You’re hurting her. My subconscious reminded me of the fact. I was and had been since I pulled her on that dance floor at that wedding. I squeezed her hand in mine and watched as she rose from beside me.
“Please don’t cry?” I pleaded. Seeing her beautiful pale green eyes full of tears was bad enough but knowing I’d caused them felt like a knife was stabbing through my chest. I watched as she took my T-shirt off and placed it next to me on the bed. I was no longer touching her. Instead the hand I’d held so tightly was now wiping away tears. Tears that I had caused.
“Can you take me home?” Her voice almost broke as she glanced at me, I simply nodded and stood watching her get dressed in the clothes I’d taken off her so gently the night before. I gulped as I reached for a top from my draws and placed it over my head. Her usual happy glow wasn’t there. She was pained. Fuck. I held in a groan and watched as she left my room. The usual empty feeling in the cavity of my chest returned almost instantly. I followed her down the hallway and the stairs towards my car, there wasn’t anybody around and part of me was glad. I didn’t want to have to explain any of this to anyone. Maybe this would be a good thing. Maybe now she could get on with her life and be safe, safer away from me. I closed my door and placed the key fob in the ignition.
“You can’t keep doing this Haz,” her voice was unsteady and I felt tears prick in my eyes. For the first time in probably 7 years I was about to cry. “If you don’t want me just tell me? I could probably live with that,” she continued and my chest thudded. “If you just could admit that the only reason you want me is because I’m off limits,” I shook my head. Is that what she thinks? I couldn’t look at her. I cleared my throat and pulled off Alfie’s drive.
“Avaya,” I began to talk, my voice wasn’t stable, it quivered and broke at the thought of her name “I do want you and it’s not because you're off limits,” I shook my head again and thought about telling her why she was so forbidden but I couldn’t. It would only put her in more danger.
“Then for God's sake just tell me why!?” I could see out of the corner of my eyes she was staring at me and I gripped the wheel.
“Avay please stop.” I was almost begging her.
“You don’t get to call me Avay anymore Haz.” Her words hurt as she hissed them at me. I punched the steering wheel as I pulled the car over and looked at her.
“For fuck sake Avaya if he finds out…” her eyes softened as she glanced at mine. I watched her cock her head to the right and froze under her watchful eyes. Shit you’ve said too much.
“If who found out?” Her voice suddenly seemed stronger, stronger than mine and I clutched the wheel. The hum of the engine was the only sound, that and her calm breathing.
“Enough.” I meant it. I pulled back into the traffic and placed my foot on the accelerator. She needed to get out of this car. She needed to be home and away from me before I opened my mouth and it was too late. Fury was burning through my veins. I’d dragged her into this mess and now I couldn’t fix it. I glanced towards her face as we pulled up outside her home. She didn’t say a word the whole way there. Her expression was unreadable. She didn’t look at me when she moved to exit the car. She didn’t speak. She just climbed so effortlessly out of the car and walked into her house. My chest felt empty again, as it always did when she left and I placed my head in my hands.
“Fuck!” I growled. Every part of me ached. I needed her, I was an addict and now I was worried she’d became an addiction.
Walking into the house I felt cold and as though I would explode at any minute. Chlo raised her brow in my direction and I shook
