“What’s happened?” There was worry in her tone. I never understood why she cared so deeply for me. For somebody like me. Somebody who was capable of breaking every single thing he touched. I shook my head as I examined her pretty face. Her blonde bob swished as she poked my chest.
“I don’t want to talk about it Chlo.” Her expression instantly saddened but she nodded anyway.
“As you wish.” She turned on her heel and made her way towards the living room and I made my way towards my room. As I opened the door I spotted Jay. He was sitting at the small desk with weighing scales and bags, tiny plastic bags. I was supposed to help him. They were for our drop in Italy later next week.
“What time do you call this?” He swivelled around on the chair to look at me and I glanced towards the T-shirt she had taken off on my bed. A feeling of loss overwhelmed me. “What have you done?” His tone changed. He was no longer up beat and joking and I flopped down on my bed opposite him before I held the T-shirt in my hand. My eyes were filling with water again and I shook my head.
“I fucked her Jay.” The words left my mouth quicker than I could stop them. I didn’t look up to see his reaction.
“You what?” I almost rolled my eyes and repeated what I’d just said.
“You heard me Jay. Do I have to keep telling you? We fucked.” It was more than that though wasn’t it? It was more than once… I looked up to see the blank look on his face, he simply shook his head and placed his head in his hand on the desk.
“I told you to stay away from her. Especially when your off your face, what the fuck were you thinking!? Have you even been tested lately!? Wasn’t she a virgin?!” I cringed at the thought of taking that away from her. He was becoming more and more irate and I knew that nothing I was going to say would make it any better.
“I was sober. Stone cold sober.” I admitted aloud. I grasped the T-shirt tighter in my hands “it was more than once and yes actually I’m clean of aids but for Christ sake I used a condom.” He placed his hand up as a signal for me to stop.
“Back up,” I watched him look directly at me and felt bare. “You fucked her when you were sober?” I nodded and grimaced. That didn’t happen. It never happened. Not even with Chloe. I was never sober. “So now what?” I shrugged as I took my stance next to him. I didn’t have an answer for him. Instead, I knew the answer he wanted to hear.
“We get ready for that drop in Italy and prey Bandoni and Rava don’t find out.” He nodded and continued to weigh out the coke into the bags as I lay on the bed. What the fuck have I done?
Holt - Thursday
Being in a foul mood didn’t even cut it this week. He’s text twice this last week. I knew I'd pushed him and I thought he’d come around but it was like he said it would be. Like we didn’t happen. I still hadn't told a soul. I reached for my phone that was wrapped in my hands. There was a missed call from Chlo. She knew. I know that he said she didn’t but she did. I was too annoyed to speak to her. I didn’t want the questions I knew she would throw at me so I ignored it and waited for Nance. She took her sweet time from her lecture. We break up for the Christmas break soon so everyone and his dog is in stress mode. Everyone other than me. We were meeting up with Soph. She had disappeared off the face of the Earth since she’d met Callum. I rolled my eyes at the thought. We entered the Top Hat and I glanced towards Alfie who smiled at both Nancy and me. He gestured at us to come closer towards the bar. I grimaced at the thought of trying to make small talk and I watched as Nance pointed towards Soph who was sipping on her glass of wine. I tapped my watch at her and chuckled.
“Drinking at this hour?” I raised my brow and watched as she grinned.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with lunch!” She threw her one hand up in surrender as she took another sip from her glass.
“Only you have no lunch?” I heard Nancy laugh and I joined her as Soph rolled her eyes. I took my seat on the table with them and watched as Soph smiled. She seemed happy. Genuinely happy. Her eyes seemed brighter than they usually did. Nance leaned back in her chair and yawned and I glanced across at her.
“Uni is killing me, I’ll be glad when it’s over next year.” She proclaimed and I shrugged.
“I don’t think it’s been too bad?” I admitted. I heard Soph chuckle and she pushed my arm softly.
“You never struggle though do you?” Both Nance and Soph shared a look and I shook my head. My eyes drifted towards Alfie. He looked swept off his feet and I heard my stomach grumble. I placed my hand on it and looked down at my phone again. I sighed and looked back up at the girls. I had zoned out on their conversation.
“Jay’s called things off…” I caught the back end of their conversation and my stomach dropped. I looked towards her and watched her eyes fill with water.
“What?” I questioned. I was shocked. They seemed happy last weekend, they were laughing and joking and looked like they were on good terms. “Things
