“Did you do it to hurt me?” I tilted my head and watched his reaction. He leaned forward in his seat, he was no longer slouched, his eyes were pained as he shook his head and I felt the tension in my shoulders slack.
“God no.”
“Then why?” I snapped.
“Because I’m a fucking idiot and I don’t know a good thing when it smacks me in the face?” I shook my head. I didn’t want that answer, I needed him to be honest and he wasn’t. I heard a groan escape his lips and shifted in my seat. “Look,” I watched as he pushed his messy mousey hair from his face “I get high and do stupid things, the rational part of my brain doesn’t work. I thought it was a fool proof plan. I knew you’d leave if I pushed you, I just wanted to keep you safe.”
“But why? Why do you want to keep your distance? Why did you want to push me away?” Nothing he was saying made any sense. I couldn’t understand why he kept pushing me away.
“Holly was just like you Avaya. Full of life and now look at her.” Images of the frail dirty blonde haired girl in the car park swaying re appeared in my mind and I shook my head. “She was my ex. Rava doesn’t give a flying fuck who he hurts. You witnessed with your own eyes what he’s capable of and what lengths he’s willing to go to hurt me.” He paused. The torment in his eyes resurfaced. “Why would you ever want to put yourself in a position like that?” His voice was full of frustration and angst. I felt my eyes fill with water and I placed my fingers against my hair.
“Because I’m falling in love with you.” My words were a whisper and I instantly regretted saying them. I watched his expression twist, turmoil swirled in his eyes and I watched him shake his head.
“Av,” he muttered. I placed my arms across my chest in an effort to shield myself from whatever words were going to leave his mouth next. He frowned, my heart thudded and I glanced up towards the waiter who was smiling down at us. Cracking timing. He was none the wiser, he was just doing his job and Haz’s shoulders relaxed a little.
“Can I take your order?” His Spanish twang made me smile. I hadn’t thought about food, I wasn’t really very hungry and I waited for Harry to speak.
“I’ll have the steak, rare please.” His arms were resting on the table in front of us and I ran my eyes over the menu. I pointed towards the chicken dish and he nodded, scrawling our orders down on his notepad. He left us sat in slightly awkward silence. “You shouldn’t be.” He whispered as the waiter left us. Did he think I wanted to fall in love with him? I didn’t plan this. I didn't even know when it happened. “Things will change when we get home I swear.” He reached to clutch my hands and I watched his thumb glide over the back of my hand.
“You keep saying this, I already know we’re off limits.” I wanted nothing more than to snatch my hands from his and to pout but I didn’t. I couldn’t, instead I rolled my eyes.
“No,” he shook his head, his blue eyes were glazed with water “I mean things will be different.” I watched his Adam’s apple rise and fall and tilted my head. What is that supposed to mean?
“I’m not built for this? I don’t want to be hurt again, I can’t be.” My words almost strangled me and I barely recognised my pleading voice. He simply shook his head.
“I won’t hurt you.” His words were firm and meaningful and I nodded as the waiter re-appeared with our drinks. My hand left his and I glanced down at the orange and yellow cocktail in front of me. I raised my brow and looked up towards Haz. He was smiling slightly and he shrugged. “I thought you’d enjoy sex on the beach?” I stifled a laugh, he smirked and sipped his beer. I shrugged at him as I sipped on my straw, admiring the taste of the sweet but slightly tangy drink.
“I’ll probably love it.” His eyes widened and grew with a familiar expression. My stomach swirled and I smirked. “I’m not really very hungry.”
“No?” He questioned as he placed his beer back on the table that separated us. I shook my head and our sweet waiter appeared with the food almost on cue. The plates were sizzling, he gently placed mine in front of me. The chicken was still sizzling on the small black grill and I offered him a smile.
“Be careful, the plate is very hot no.” He winked at me and I grinned.
“Thank you.” I watched as he walked away and looked back up at Haz.
“I honestly can’t take you anywhere…” I sensed sarcasm coming from him and grinned.
“Hm…” I placed my knife into the chicken and heard it hiss as the juices spilled out of it. Suddenly my mouth began to water and I felt hungry.
“I’m being serious. People are constantly looking at you.” I rolled my eyes as I chewed the succulent chicken.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I placed my hand over my mouth once I’d swallowed and watched him shake his head before he rolled his eyes.
“Even when your talking with your mouthful, your still hot.” A laugh burst from my lips. It was the first time in a while I’d laughed properly and for a genuine reason. He smiled widely, flashing his beautiful white teeth.
I was well and truly stuffed. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten so much. I ran my hand over my slightly bloated
