He thinks about the baby instead, the minuscule ball of cells growing inside him. It’s been two weeks since that first night. A week since the baby fastened itself inside his body, and he still can’t believe that there’s another life inside him, that part of Kade is in his belly.
If Kade found out... He would narrow his eyes. He would say, You told me you were on BC. Why did you lie? Are you using me again? Felix winces. It hadn’t been a lie. If he can forget his birth control pills, why can’t he forget about the baby?
Years ago, Kade had told him, I don’t think we’re suited for kids.
“It’s really not your fault,” Felix murmurs at his abdomen, touching it. Somewhere in there, his baby needs love. Felix will be damned before he neglects his own child. “I promise to love you.”
Ten minutes later, he steps outside. He sucks in a deep breath, then steps back into the store. It smells vaguely like cedar and pine now, a little like musk, as though a couple of horny teenagers had loitered for a while.
At the door, he tries swinging his arms like a windmill, cycling the old air out of the store. Three minutes in, Susan walks in from the side.
Felix jumps, heat crawling up his cheeks. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d be early.”
She raises her eyebrows, looking pointedly at his arms. “The bus was earlier than usual. What were you doing? Exercising?”
What do I say? “Yes? I... thought it would be an opportunity to stretch.”
But Susan lifts her chin, sniffing. “Smells like sex in here.”
Felix’s cheeks burn. “It was two teenagers,” he says. “A couple of boys.”
“Smells kind of familiar.” Susan heads to the back room, her nostrils flared. Felix looks down the front of his pants. At least it’s not obvious now. When Susan pops back out, she says, “I’ve never seen anyone hook up in the store, and I’ve been here four years. It almost... Your alpha didn’t visit, did he? You smell like an alpha.”
Shit. Felix gulps, thinking about Kade’s finger tracing down his jeans. That was all it had taken. Kade had rubbed his wrist on him for half a minute, but they’d both been hard by then, and smelling enough to fill the store with musk. “Uh.”
“There’s a back room, you know,” Susan says, her eyes twinkling. She sobers a moment later. “I don’t think I need to warn you about Rick, though.”
Felix remembers the manager’s waddle, shaking his head. “I’d really rather not get in trouble with him.” He rubs his arms, suddenly missing Kade, the way he’d snarled at Felix’s boss. “But Kade—that alpha—he’s... not really mine. Just... so you know.”
It hurts to say it.
Susan cocks her head. “He isn’t? I thought... When he came in here the other day and snapped at Rick, you didn’t say anything.”
He’d been too surprised that Kade would even defend him. “It felt safer not to.”
“Yeah, I understand.” Susan’s gaze falls to Felix’s wrist, where the bonding scar is. He holds himself still, fighting his instincts to hide it. But Susan steps closer, sniffing again.
Felix realizes what it must look like then—the scar means he’s bonded, and he smells like an alpha he says isn’t his. He cringes. “Don’t judge me, okay? Kade and I... it’s complicated.”
“A good sort of complicated, or a bad sort?”
He glances down at his belly. “I don’t know.”
“Oh, honey.” Susan sets a gentle hand on his arm. “I’m here if you ever need to talk, okay?”
Felix relaxes, the tension in his shoulders seeping away. They haven’t known each other long, but it’s comforting to know that he has a friend in his workplace. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
She grins, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Felix smiles down at his hands. Maybe his new job will be enjoyable, after all.
Felix wakes to birds twittering outside the window. At first, he squints at the sunlight shining over the landscape posters on the wall, pulling his covers over his head. It’s way too early on a Saturday. All he wants is to huddle in bed until it gets too warm, then crawl out to feed himself.
He hasn’t missed this, working a salaried job where he has to be at the gas station seven to four, six days a week. When he gets off work and the bus drops him near his house, it’s close to evening, and by the time he reaches home, he doesn’t want to cook at all.
He doesn’t have enough time to himself on the weekdays, so it’s nice, lying here, watching the dust motes in the sunlight. He doesn’t have to worry about catching the bus, being on time, making his baggy work shirt fit right...
It doesn’t fit right because he changed his clothing style, because he doesn’t want anyone to notice when he swells with child, and he’s pregnant.
His stomach plummets. Felix whimpers, sliding a hand over his abdomen.
He still can’t believe it. He’s been talking to the fetus, and it’s been a week. And his body is still the same, except the sun is a little too bright, and there’s a new, strange note of honey alongside his lavender scent.
Felix groans, rolling over in bed. “This isn’t happening,” he says. “Can’t this be a dream?”
He grabs the glass of water from the bedside table, gulping a mouthful. Then another, and he looks at his trusty digital clock, scuffed with age. 8:48 AM. Kade will be here at 9.
“Fuck,” he yelps, wobbling. The room spins, and he’s toppling onto the floor in a tangle of sheets, bumping his head on the bedside table, water spilling everywhere. “You’re thirty years old. Why can’t you do things right, goddamn it?”
Tears prickle in his eyes. He scrambles out of the blanket, throwing it back onto the bed. He dashes into the bathroom, twisting the knob of the shower, squeezing toothpaste onto his toothbrush. The entire house smells like lavender and honey.
