Kade snorts. But it eases the tension between them, and Felix’s shoulders relax. “Yeah, that one. But see, I was thinking you could do something like that for your website. Get some graphics done for a banner, maybe a background.”
“I don’t have a computer, remember?”
“I’ll leave this one with you.”
Felix turns, staring at him wide-eyed. “Don’t you need it?”
“I’ve got two.”
And Felix droops. “Really? That’s... that’s very nice.”
“They’re for my work.” Kade shrugs. He may have work-related programs on this laptop, but he can access them on the other one, and he trusts Felix not to mess with them. He trusts Felix with his life. That much hasn’t changed.
He preps the laptop for Felix, closing the programs he won’t need. “Text me if you’ve got any questions.”
“I’ll probably have a buttload of questions,” Felix says. He dries his hand on a dishcloth, smiling wryly. “Thanks for your help.”
“Anytime.” The silence that settles over them prickles at Kade’s skin, and when Felix putters around the kitchen, avoiding the table, he winces. Felix probably doesn’t want him around right now, even if he’s not furious about the sex. “I should go,” Kade says, checking his phone. “You’ve probably got things going on.”
Felix’s throat works. “Yeah. Thanks for coming over.”
Kade follows him to the door. The house still smells like chemical crap, but Kade picks up his own scent on Felix. It settles his unease, knowing that it’ll keep that bastard alpha manager away from his bondmate. “See you around?”
“I’ll try to have the graphics done soon,” Felix says. “Maybe in a week or two?”
“Sounds good.” Kade steps out of the house. As Felix meets his eyes, sunlight caressing his cheeks, Kade itches to kiss him, just to smell him again. “Take care.”
“I will. Thanks.” Felix smiles then, his eyes warm. Kade’s heart kicks.
I’ll miss you, he wants to say. Instead, he steps toward his bike, Felix’s gaze lingering on him the entire way.
9
Felix
A week later, the doorbell rings.
Felix freezes in his kitchen, halfway through frying some eggs. Kade? He turns the stove off, heart pattering as he hurries to the door. Kade hasn’t said anything about visiting. He holds his breath, checks the pill dispenser—yes, he’s taken the scent suppressant—and then the peephole.
Instead of Kade’s broad shoulders, he sees the slight frame of his brother, the same dark blond hair. Felix throws the door open and flying into Taylor’s arms. “Taylor!”
“You’re going to crush me to death,” Taylor says, staggering backward.
Felix burrows his face in his brother’s shoulder, gulping deep breaths of his familiar jasmine scent. His brother hasn’t texted in two weeks, and Felix had worried. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”
“You always are.” Taylor wraps his arms around him, and for a long minute, they stand on Felix’s porch, hugging. Felix doesn’t talk about the risks of Taylor’s job, the risk that someday, he might not return. In a lower voice, Taylor asks, “How are you?”
How is the baby? he means. Felix’s stomach drops. He swallows, pulling away from his brother. “I’m fine.”
Taylor follows him into the house, watching as he locks the door. His eyes dart around the place—windows, doors, obstructions. Felix holds his brother’s hand, giving him a squeeze. Although Taylor has a well-paying job, and although their father likes him better, Felix doesn’t envy his brother at all. Taylor’s missions scare the hell out of him.
“Are you really fine?” Taylor asks.
Felix sighs. Some days, he forgets about the baby for a while, and it’s a relief to be free of that burden. “It’s not as scary as your job, but it’s still pretty damn terrifying.”
His brother studies him. “Kade?”
He shakes his head. “He doesn’t know yet.”
“Felix. He’s the kid’s dad.”
“He’ll murder me,” Felix says, trudging to the kitchen. The eggs don’t seem so delicious anymore, suddenly. “It’s been a month since I screwed him.”
“The longer you keep it from him, the more pissed he’s going to be,” Taylor says. He follows Felix into the kitchen, opening the cabinets until he finds a glass. He fills it with water. “Trust me on that.”
“I’ll leave before he notices,” Felix says, biting his lip. Kade would discover him missing, and... He would be furious. Or glad. His heart thuds painfully. “He... never wanted children.”
“He’s your bondmate,” Taylor says, flopping into a chair. “He should know.”
Felix winces and turns back to the stove. In his head, Kade’s voice murmurs, I don’t think we’re suited for kids. “You still remember what happened five years ago, right?”
Taylor sighs. “If you actually talked to him about it, I’m sure he’d understand.”
“They went bankrupt because of me, Taylor!” Felix glances out of the window, his heart pounding. But all he sees are the neighbor’s closed windows, the weed-strewn dirt of his backyard. No Kade. Kade wouldn’t be listening in, but just the mention of this makes his stomach constrict. “They’ll all hate me if they found out.”
“So what if his family hates you? You’re still bonded to him, right?”
And that makes it worse, because Felix can’t stand the thought of their accusing stares, can’t stand the thought of Kade saying You drove my family out of our home and How dare you call me your alpha? He looks down at his flat belly, thinking the baby should be showing anytime, but it hasn’t yet. “He can always find a new bondmate.”
“Has he?”
Felix shakes his head. Kade smells only like himself when he visits the gas station, like cedar and pine, and Felix rues the days when Kade’s scent fades from the store. “He will soon. I’m sure.”
Taylor shakes his head, sniffing the air around them. “He should have. But he’s been visiting you.”
Felix shrugs. “He was only here to help with my website. And that was last week. My site sucks balls.”
“Just tell him, damn it.”
“No!”
“I look down gun barrels, Felix, and you’re scared of Kade saying no?”
Put that way, it sounds like Felix is making excuses all over again. But he can’t erase the guilt lurking in his chest. He’s
