How had Felix even gotten pregnant, anyway? He’d been in heat that first night. Kade remembers that sharp, musky scent, remembers the desperate hunger humming through his body, when Felix’s heat had triggered his rut.
For a minute, Kade lingers on that night, the desire in Felix’s eyes, the way he had lifted his chin, inviting Kade over. The way Felix had held his wrist, asking him to stay.
He swallows.
He has no idea how long Felix had been in heat at that point. Felix could have fucked someone in Highton before he returned. Does the baby’s dad know? Had he abandoned Felix? Did Felix return to Meadowfall to recoup from that loss?
A chill slithers down his spine. If Felix had kept the baby a secret because it isn’t Kade’s, because he was abandoned by his previous lover... then by walking out, Kade has done wrong by him. And Kade knows how it feels to be left behind. He tucks the ring back into his shirt.
“I’m an idiot,” Kade mutters. Hadn’t his mom said Felix needs you more than you think?
The child Felix carries is not his blood. He wants to snarl. It should have been Kade’s, just like Felix is his omega. He can’t accept Felix carrying someone else’s child; the thought sends another wave of shame through his body.
Get over it, he thinks. Dignity doesn’t mean shit. Felix needs protection, especially now.
He tries to sleep, but he spends the entire night tossing in bed, thinking he shouldn’t have left Felix at the store, thinking about the past, and how he could have changed any of this.
In the morning, he trudges to the kitchen, where he finds his mom with a hot cup of tea.
“Did you sleep?” she asks, looking up from her book.
“No,” he rasps, pulling a mug out for coffee. “Sorry ‘bout last night. Lost my temper.”
His mom turns the page and studies him, her eyes kind. “I’m not the one you should apologize to.”
He sighs then, thinking about Felix, wondering if they’ll ever meet again. Felix had been planning to leave from the start. And this is why, isn’t it? He had expected Kade’s rejection. Kade shouldn’t have left him at the store.
He turns the faucet on, watching as water fills his mug. “I know.”
As soon as he calms, he’ll visit Felix’s place first, then the gas station. And hopefully, he’ll be able to catch Felix before he leaves.
31
Felix
“The next time I see Rick, I’m quitting,” Felix says as he steps out of the backroom, glancing through the store. It’s empty here, anyway. “I’m leaving.”
Susan blinks owlishly behind the counter. “What? That was sudden.”
“I’m leaving Meadowfall tonight. I’m not staying here anymore,” Felix says, touching his abdomen through the baggy maroon shirt. If he holds his hand still for long enough, sometimes, he feels the baby from outside. How big is it now? The last time he measured, he’d been thirty-four inches around. How obvious had it been to Kade? “So I suppose you could say your goodbyes now.”
“What happened?” Susan tidies the stack of forest-themed postcards at the register, watching as he rounds the counter. “You look like crap.”
Felix sighs. After a whole sleepless night, fatigue weighs down on his body. He’s amazed at himself for even crawling out of bed. He shouldn’t be here. He should be packing at home, where he can lock Kade out, and taking the bus out of Meadowfall. “I’m not surprised.”
“Tell me already.”
“What do you think happened?” He rubs his face, turning to the cigarette boxes on the back wall. Kade’s haunted eyes flash through his mind. Felix cringes. How much more can he hurt his alpha? How much more can Kade hate him? “I fucked up.”
“You mean... Oh.”
“I’m a failure and a disappointment, Susan. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.”
“Surely it can’t be that bad.”
“It is. I met him at the store yesterday.” Felix cringes. “My brother and I were looking at baby clothes. And he just... showed up. I can’t even... The look on his face. Oh, gods.”
“Oh my god. I told you, you should have said something to him before this.” Susan clicks her tongue. “The baby clothes section? Really?”
“Really.” Felix buries his face in his hands, moaning. How has his life come to this? “So he found out I’m pregnant, right? I told him it isn’t his.”
“What the fuck.”
“I’m leaving Meadowfall. Tonight. I’m packing up and taking all my things and I’m never going to see anyone here ever again.” Felix sucks in a deep breath. “It’s been nice working with you.”
“Can’t you just... tell him the truth?”
Felix sinks behind the counter, burying his face in his knees. “No. I can’t. I’ve thought about it for ages.”
Because he’s turned it over and over in his mind, trying to find a way to tell Kade everything without Kade hating every inch of him. Kade’s father dying. The bankruptcy. The lies. The baby. Kade never wanted children. With each addition, it feels as though he’s walking further out on a rotting bridge, and there’s a river roaring ten feet below him.
Felix wishes he would fall, be swept away, so he won’t have to worry about any of this again.
“Come on, don’t give up,” Susan says, crouching next to him. She sets a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”
He laughs, and it sounds broken in his ears. Kade hasn’t forgiven him for leaving five years ago. Why would he forgive Felix for the baby now? “No, he won’t.”
The thought of it slices like a knife between his ribs.
“Put on a smile and stand up,” Susan says, tugging on his arm. “We’re working.”
Felix sighs. He pushes to his feet, blinking when Susan leads him to the cramped back room and flicks the light on. There, she opens her locker, pulling out her brown canvas backpack, then
