It’s only eight o’clock, and that’s early even for us. When I narrow my eyes, she releases a resigned sigh as if hoping I’d let this go for tonight. Wishful thinking sweetheart. “I’ll have absolutely no problem taking you to bed once you tell me what the hell is wrong,” I say.
“Please, Rhodes. I want to talk. I do. It’s just . . .”
“I think it needs to be now. Because to lay it all out there, I didn’t find you after six years of not finding you, to give up without a fight. You’ve been different ever since Jake’s accident. Was it that? Did that scare you? ’Cause I swear to god I get that. I was fucking terrified.”
“I know, and I hated that for you. For all of you.”
“So it was that? Baby, that’s not something you work through by yourself. You do it with people who are going through it with you. Is that why you’ve been putting space between us?” I ask, my heart easing a little because this is something I can deal with.
Her head jerks from side to side, and my heart jumps in my chest at the wide-eyed look of worry covering her face. “I can’t. It’s stupid. It’s something I just have to get through. I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I never meant to . . . I mean . . . I was just trying to process stuff on my own, and I couldn’t do it when I was with you.”
I frown, because that makes absolutely no sense to me. “Sweet cheeks, we promised to be honest with each other, remember?”
She grabs her glass, downs the rest in one go, and leaves it on the table before walking over to the doors leading out into the backyard. She stands there looking more beautiful than ever, gazing outside as if coming to a decision in her mind. She’s quiet for a long time before she lets out a breath and breaks the silence filling the room. “Please don’t hate me for what I’m about to say.”
“Okay. I promise. Just tell me, baby. Please. This is killing me.” I say, and yet she still can’t look at me.
“These past few weeks, I’ve been wondering whether I can live the rest of my life being second best.”
My head jerks back like I’ve been slapped. “Why would you ever think that?” I hold my muscles tight. Every part of me itches to jump up and go to her. But she needs to get this all out before that happens. “Dee, please look at me.” Her body stills, and she slowly turns her eyes to mine. “You are not a woman who should ever be second best, and you have not—and never will be—with me. This is not our first rodeo, and we both have baggage, but never—not once—have I ever thought of you as runner-up.”
“When we started this, I was a single, divorced mom. I made a choice to end my marriage with Flynn. It was a decision we made together, because we both knew that we were only holding each other back from future happiness.”
I nod since this isn’t news to me.
“But you lost the love of your life. You didn’t choose to separate from her. She was taken from you, and that’s something you can never get back.”
My brows furrow. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this. None of this is anything that we both don’t already know.”
She swallows hard, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “This is where I’ve gotten things twisted up in my head. I fully admit that.”
“I love you, Dee. That’s something I’ve only ever said to one other woman in my life. I don’t take it lightly, and I mean it every single time I say it.” There’s a force behind my words, and I hope to hell she’s hearing it, feeling it, and letting it sink in.
“I know,” she replies quietly. “But I heard what you said at the hospital . . .”
I go completely still. I can’t even remember what I said at the hospital. I was so worried about Jake and what his injuries might be that I was running on autopilot. “What did you hear?”
“That losing Lily destroyed you,” she says, her voice breaking.
“It did. But I had Jake, and my parents, and the guys to help me through. And when Jake was hurt and in hospital, I had you by my side.” Her head snaps my way and I push to my feet before slowly approaching her. “And it was you that got me to the hospital and stayed strong by my side until I could see him.”
“Anyone would do that.”
“I didn’t need anyone to do that. I needed you.” I stop in front of her. I reach out and cup her shoulders, turning her body my way, needing her full attention so that what I’m about to lay on her sinks in once and for all.
“Six months ago, a beautiful, sassy, enigmatic woman made my dead heart beat again, and she’s continued to breathe life into me ever since.”
Dee’s mouth drops open with a soft gasp.
I smile down at her as I place my thumb under her chin and push it closed again. “Lily may have shown me I could love. You were proof I could love and let myself be loved like that again.”
She stares at me with those big blue eyes of hers, and I know I’m getting in there.
“Did I choose to lose my wife? Fuck no. Would I want that to happen again? Absolutely not. But does that mean I should put my life on hold and never have the chance to fall head over heels in love with you?” I step closer, eliminating the last remaining space between
