Part of me was glad that Mark helped her through this, and I wanted to give Emma the space to finally move on and find her happiness.
But the other part of me was dying every second, drowning in the guilt of letting her go. This conceited selfish part, wanted to fight for her, wanted to reach out and apologise, wanted to own the mistakes and regain her trust; this selfish part wanted one last chance to happiness. I knew as a fact, that I will never be able to take any other woman in my life, no woman could ever replace her, and living without her meant living a hopeless, lonely life until my last breath.
I would have lived in peace thinking that in this whole wide universe, lived my Emma in some happy place, contented and peaceful.
However, after knowing that she was barely coping, and felt lifeless thinking that I never loved her and abandoned her because that was easy for me, I couldn't resist myself anymore. I could not let her feel worthless and unimportant when in reality, she was way better and above anything and everything my rich, luxurious life had combined.
I decided to meet her one last time, and pour my heart out. My world was shaking as I finally saw her, and I know she didn't feel any different. Time stood still as an ocean of tears flowed, untamed and unleashed. The long lingering silence was no less than a thousand loud echoes, as our hearts quietly winced in pain together.
I purposely took small steps towards her, as I felt scared and totally unsure of what would I tell her. My instinct wanted to immediately take her in my arms, hug her and hide her in me; but my mind warned me that I had lost that right the moment I walked out on her.
We were now just a few steps away, and even though I was close enough to look in her brown eyes, my sight was blinded with the tears forming up in my eyes.
"Emma." I finally exhaled her name like one of my deepest breath, the one that came directly from the heart. She flinched as she heard my voice, and I saw she was breathing frantically, reflecting how much she was affected by my presence alone.
"I am so sorry, Emma." I managed to continue, as I looked at her with begging eyes. I hoped she would hear me out, I hoped she wouldn't shun me away, and thankfully she didn't.
She was crying silently, fiddling her hands, and looking down at a spot, dodging eye contact.
She looked inconsolable, but even then, she didn't turn away or stop me.
I did this to her. This was my doing. I hurt her so much.
I felt a thousand stabs, as I looked at her petite demeanor, restless and anxious. I wanted to undo the wrongness she felt, and in desperation, I reached out to her and held her shoulders with both my hands.
"I am really sorry to hurt you, Emma." I whispered.
"I am sorry I left like that. I know it sounds twisted and unreasonable, but believe me walking out on you, was the most torturous decision of my life.
I had no choice, and I died in regret every day.
I haven't come back to ruin the progress that you may have made, or to disturb the peace that you finally would have achieved, but just to apologise for the pain and suffering, I unwantedly caused you.
I want you to know my truth, irrespective of how irrelevant it may have become now. Please hear me out." I pleaded.
She stood silently, her head still weighed down, the burden of heartbreak was still enduring, and I felt like an ass who couldn't protect this from happening.
Uncontrollably, I hurried to explain, "you were one of the witnesses in my father's case, Emma, and they would have interrogated you, mercilessly for days. Murials' and their lawyers' wouldn't have backed down without a fight. They would have played dirty in court and would have stooped low to tarnish your honor, and defame you along with my family name.
Many distasteful questions about our closeness would have been asked, and I know how ugly things could have got, so I had to portray as if we were not together anymore. I couldn't afford to be spotted with you; I had to let you go."
I choked back tears as I revisited my pungent past. As my words fell on her ear, she suddenly looked up; her eyes were now searching answers in mine.
"Yes, Emma. I tried keeping you away from all this. I am sorry I made us suffer. I thought you were better off without me. My nights were tormenting as I didn't have you in my arms. My mornings felt like a curse because I didn't open my eyes to see your angelic face sleeping soundly next to me. My meals became tasteless as I no longer shared them with you. I was breathing, that's true, but I was not living anymore."
She looked away as tears kept making their way out from the corner of her eyes. I cupped her face and made her look at me again. "Part of my soul was left behind with you Emma. I didn't abandon you. Who the fuck am I to ever abandon someone as precious as you? You are way above me, way out of my league, and never think that leaving you was the easy choice."
She stood numb; I saw she gulped the lump in her throat. She looked deep in thought, perhaps pondering on what I told her. From a distance, I saw her friends had joined us too, and they stood as shocked, witnessing our confrontation. Nobody said a word.
"Emma, I thought sooner or later you will understand
