Neither, she remembered, had Aunt Crystal. A smile tipped her lips at the wonderful memory. One that didn’t bring her pain, only comfort, and she hugged the dog close. With the memory came the answer to her earlier question. Kendall couldn’t give blind trust the way Happy did because she was human. She had memories, both good and bad, which shaped the person she’d become. An empty, distrustful person, she thought sadly.
Even Rick, who’d been burned badly once before, had opened his heart. And she’d destroyed any love and respect he’d once had.
You’re unable to commit, unwilling to face your fears, he’d said. And I’m disappointed in you.
His words had been like a punch in the stomach, then and now. They’d had the same emotional impact Aunt Crystal’s words had when she’d told Kendall she couldn’t stay in Yorkshire Falls. The same impact her parents’ second departure had had, the day they’d packed Hannah off for boarding school and left again for parts unknown. Kendall wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to get past the remembered pain.
Rick was right. She couldn’t trust because she hadn’t faced her fears. She hadn’t dealt with her past, but she was dealing now. Because she’d already lost Rick, was on the verge of losing Hannah, and she realized, probably too late, that she no longer wanted to be alone.
The irony was clear. The very life she’d always run from was the life she’d secretly craved. The startling thought ricocheted through her brain. The little girl who’d loved tea parties had subconsciously dreamed of having a family of her own. People who loved her. People she trusted to be there in good times and bad.
But since her parents hadn’t been those people in her formative years and Aunt Crystal couldn’t be, Kendall had closed herself off to any more hurt, disappointment, or pain. Her first step had been to convince herself that by the time she was eighteen and her parents left again, she was already so estranged that she didn’t care where they went or what they did. But she’d lied to herself, she realized now.
Losing parents in any way, at any age, hurt badly. She’d lost hers twice, both times because they’d rather travel than be with her, and the effect on her psyche had been devastating. She’d withdrawn so far from her emotions it was amazing Rick had been able to break through at all.
But he had. And she loved him too. She swallowed hard, the pain in her chest and the knot in her throat hard to bear. She loved him yet she’d pushed him away. In falling back on old habits and patterns, she’d hurt a man who’d taken the greatest risk of all and reached out to her despite his past hurt.
There was no possible way Rick could ever forgive her nor could he begin to understand what drove her need to remain in a self-contained cocoon of safety. Unfortunately she no longer felt as safe or protected as she once had. Instead she felt ripped raw, exposed, and she hurt badly. But if she hurt, she was feeling. For the first time.
Which meant just maybe she had a future.
* * *
Raina sat in the living room of Eric’s house while he made himself busy doing heaven knew what. She didn’t mind, rather she enjoyed the solitary time she spent in his home. It had been too long since she’d enjoyed the sounds of a man puttering around her and she savored the feeling. Soon she’d have even more family around her when Eric’s daughters and their children arrived.
Raina couldn’t wait to spend the time with them and her heart swelled at being included and accepted. Eric planned a quiet afternoon at home and dinner at Norman’s in deference to her charade. He didn’t approve of her faking a heart condition but he accepted, his only stipulation that if ever directly questioned by Raina’s sons, he refused to lie.
Which was why his associate, Dr. Leslie Gaines, was now her doctor of record. Personal and professional lives should be kept separate anyway though at this point, it didn’t much matter. Roman knew, Rick had just found out, and no doubt they’d fill Chase in next.
“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” Eric said as he joined her in the living room and sat by her side on the white sofa.
In his striped polo shirt and khaki pants, he looked handsome. Her heart fluttered each time he walked into a room, a sensation she still hadn’t gotten used to after being a widow for twenty years, but a feeling she definitely enjoyed. Eric’s attention made her feel years younger and she thanked God every day for a second chance at happiness—the same happiness she wanted for all three of her sons.
“I had some paperwork I had to finish up. But now I’m yours for the day,” he said, a pleased smile on his face.
“That’s wonderful.”
“Then why do you sound so miserable?” He turned toward her, taking her hand in his.
She shook her head. “Not miserable. Just a bit worried about Rick and Kendall.”
He let out a sigh. “I understand. That display the other night was completely inappropriate. Is Rick any closer to finding out who switched pictures?”
Out of respect for her middle son and his hurt over her actions, Raina had tried hard not to meddle more or ask him too many questions. But this one she did know the answer to. “He has a hunch it was Lisa Burton but he can’t prove anything.”
“Lisa?” Eric’s eyes opened wide. “Now that’s a shock. I’ll assume jealousy was the motive but I can’t believe she’d go to such extremes to find information on Kendall’s past.
