My dad is that kind of guy, though. He would gladly spend every dime that comes to his name to make my mother happy. He adores the ground her perfectly pedicured size six feet walk on.
“You know that Italian place in Copper Heights?” Mom grins, eyeing her reflection under the Hollywood-style makeup lights encircling her vanity mirror.
“Ooh, Gallo’s? That’s fancy,” I gush as I pick out an eyeliner from her makeup kit.
A smooth jazzy rhythm pours from the stereo, setting a relaxed, yet classy mood in the room. The fragrance of cherry-scented candles is thick in the air.
“We’re celebrating the opening of your father’s new shop. It’s still got a ways to go, but we’re optimistic this one’s going to be the one. Finally.”
I let out a soft laugh. “Shouldn’t you guys save the celebrating until after the shop opens up?” Chewing on my lip, I focus on giving her the perfect smokey eye.
Mom swipes an elegant hand through the air, dismissive as always when the issue of finances comes up. “The place will be opened soon enough. Besides, life is short. What’s the point in delaying the fun stuff?”
There’s a little tug in my gut because I know where this conversation is going. “Well, I just figured you guys would be a little more careful with your budget, seeing as opening up a business can be expensive.”
My mother tightens her satiny bathrobe around her and rolls her eyes. “You’re starting to sound a lot like your sister, Jessa. I thought you were the optimistic one.”
My parents are deep in denial about their money issues. When I was growing up, their finances were a hot mess. They managed money as well as a grade-schooler trying to grapple with the rules of Monopoly for the first time. There was never enough for the bills. Often, we went without food. At one point, we even lost our home. Mom and Dad definitely weren’t a shining example of successful adulting, and from a too-young age, my sister was often forced to pick up the slack.
Alexia has had a hard time forgiving them for that. These days my sister and my parents are actively working on fixing their relationship but this is precisely why they still hit road bumps all the time.
Mom changes the subject—as she does anytime she gets called out on her crappy money management habits. “Are you dating anyone?”
Eli’s gorgeous face jumps out from behind the bushes in my mind and yells, “Boo!”
My hand slips and the eyeliner falls to the rug. It used to be white, fluffy and soft once upon a time. Now, it just looks like a matted dog in need of a good scrub-down.
I bend to look for the pencil that rolled under the old refurbished vanity. Daddy found the thing on the side of the road somewhere and spruced it up, making it almost as good as new. He’s handy like that. Which is good because my mom always enjoys a touch of glamour and her taste for the finer things has led our family to the edge of bankruptcy more than once.
“Jess?” When my eyes snap upward, I find my mother waiting for my response with a knowing smile. “Who’s the lucky guy?” I hear the excitement growing in her voice. “Don’t hold out on me,” she presses, refusing to take my silence for an answer.
And there goes Eli’s stupid, pretty, handsome face again, bouncing around in my head, but I’m making a deliberate effort to ignore him.
When I stand up too fast, I bang my tailbone on the corner of the brass hanging shoe rack Dad recently installed on the back of the bathroom door.
Jeez—you can barely turn around in this place. It’s hard to believe that we used to be a family of four up in here.
I push out a sigh. “You know I’m not dating anyone, Mom,” I grab a bunch of tissues and scrub off the eyeliner I accidentally smeared on her nose. “As if there’s enough eligible bachelors to go around in Crescent Harbor.”
She must sense the dejectedness in my voice. It’s out of character for me and she knows it.
“Well, that doesn’t sound like my optimistic Jessa at all.” She pouts and reaches up to pinch my hip. “There’s no reason you need to live in that little town. You deserve the best, even if that means expanding your reach a bit.”
I sigh. We’ve had this discussion before. She doesn’t see why I stay in Crescent Harbor when I haven’t been able to find my dream job there anyway.
My parents got married young. Before they’d had the chance to fully realize the visions they always held for themselves. They kept a positive attitude, though. They held onto the hope that life could get better. They held onto their love.
But the truth is, they got stuck. Stuck with kids they weren’t ready for. Stuck with responsibilities they couldn’t handle. But sticking with each other? Through thick and thin? That was a choice. And I think that’s beautiful.
Still, Mom doesn’t want me to fall into the same trap. She wants me to have a big life, realizing big dreams. The kind of life she never had.
She wants a good guy for me. My heart wants a grouchy, convicted felon.
Wonderful.
“Ouch,” she complains, shooing my hand away when I get overzealous with the crumpled up wad of Kleenex. She grabs the paper napkins, wiping off the errant eyeliner herself. “Why so clumsy all of a sudden?”
That’s what the unexpected reminder of Eli does to me. I know it seems silly but when he was in prison, writing me letters on the regular, I sometimes felt like I was dating someone. It wasn’t just about the dirty things he’d write to me. We’d share secrets.
