He sometimes seemed to be holding back, like he wasn’t giving me the full picture of where his life had gone wrong. Despite that, it still felt like we’d reached a level of intimacy people don’t attain everyday.
But meeting the man in the flesh has been a harsh dose of reality. I’m starting to wonder if it was all wishful thinking on my part, if I’d just built up a fantasy in my head that the real man could never measure up to.
God. I didn’t sleep last night. I spent the wee hours of the night, tossing and turning, replaying our hot, steamy, pressed-up-against-the-wall kiss. Then, I spent the better part of the day wondering if I’d even have a job waiting for me when I get back to Crescent Harbor tomorrow night. Everything feels so uncertain.
I throw a glance out the window as I wait patiently for my mother to finish wiping away the eyeliner. Daddy is out in the yard with his head under the hood of my car. My old clunker was making a funny noise when I showed up so he offered to check it out. When Mom is done cleaning up the mess on her nose, I grab some mascara and work on her eyelashes.
Then, she spins in her chair to face me. “I just don’t want you to settle for a man who is less than your king, baby girl.” She reaches up and tucks back a lock of my thick, dark hair. “You deserve the fucking best.”
I grin. I love this woman. She taught me to make the best of every situation, to step into even the most desperate moment searching for a trace of magic.
I bend forward and wrap my arms around her. “Thanks, Mama.” I pull back and smile into her face. “You look pretty.”
“Of course I do.” She winks. “And you will too as soon as you wipe that silly frown off your face.” We giggle together but then her expression goes serious. “The world is yours, Jessa. All you’ve got to do is reach out and take the things you want. The job. The man. The life.”
“I can’t promise I’ll find that any time soon…” I feel a little tick of worry in my chest. Then a tock.
Tick-tock.
Yeah, technically I’m still young but that doesn’t mean that time is standing still, waiting for me to get my shit together.
“You don’t have to figure out the ‘when’. It’ll show up eventually. Just keep your eyes and your heart open. And maybe open your legs once in a while, too. To clear out the cobwebs.”
I roll my eyes. “Mom!”
“Oh, I’m kidding.” She titters. “Admit it. That was funny.”
“Totally not funny,” I protest as I hold down a giggle of my own.
Non-crazy people might describe my parents’ approach to life as delusional, but their glass-half-full philosophy has helped me keep my head up as I’ve bumbled through life as a broke, single, hopelessly undersexed twenty-something, continuously banging my head against the brick wall blocking my path toward my goals. At least I’m getting banged by something, I guess.
“I’ll walk you out. I need to check on your dad anyway. He’s probably lost track of time. As always.” Mom rises from her seat.
I turn around too fast and nearly smack my face into the crystal chandelier over the narrow dinner table. It’s another one of those finds that Daddy hauled home from the side of the road somewhere. He rewired it and hung it right in the middle of the passage way.
As soon as I open the screen door and step out onto the trailer’s porch, it’s like night and day. The upcycled glamour of my parents’ home quickly gives way to the destitution of the trailer park where I spent most of my life.
There’s a tiny dog across the way yapping at anything that moves. Then there’s this rottweiler on a chain next door that’s viciously barking at the yapper. It’s loud, completely drowning out Mom’s mellow jazz music.
Dad is done checking out my car. Now, he’s back at his makeshift worktable. He’s got a dozen parts strewn about in front of him, still working on the ancient ham radio he was gushing about when I got here hours ago.
A few doors down, there’s a couple in the gravel drive fighting at the top of their lungs. The woman is wielding a badminton racket on the hood of a truck while a shirtless man pokes at her with a broom handle, because, So what if I was kissing up on Sherry-Lou’s momma? That doesn’t give you no right to put a dent in my ride, Gina!
Welcome to my hometown, folks.
Cowersville is a dinky noone’s-ever-heard-of-it town tucked into a corner between Reyfield and Copper Heights. Hardly anyone ever makes something of themselves here. So, when Lexi got the opportunity to leave three and a half years ago, she was hellbent on dragging me along with her whether I wanted to go or not. I hated leaving Mom and Dad behind but they obviously had their own shit to work on. I’m thankful to my sister everyday for looking out for me. And because of her brand of tough love, our parents are making slow progress toward bettering themselves too. Daddy is in AA now. Mom is attempting to be an actual mother to my sister and me. I’m optimistic for the future of our family.
My parents take the trailer park drama unfolding around them all in stride. Mom is smiling like a beauty queen when she catches Daddy’s attention. He eyeballs her like she’s a pinup girl, fresh from popping out of a birthday cake.
God—those two are hopeless. Hopeless in love. And it’s as sweet as it is annoying. And I want something like that so bad it makes my chest ache.
Mom and Dad walk me to my car. My mother refuses to let me kiss her cheek, for fear that
