I flushed, but didn’t reply. Luckily, Aria involved Gianna in the conversation and I could relax again.
* * *
Gianna, Aria, and I fell asleep in our chairs. Two hours later we were woken by Father’s sharp voice. “What is she doing here?”
I sat up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings. Father stood in the doorway and was glaring daggers at Gianna. He still hadn’t forgiven her for what she’d done. He’d probably take his wrath into the grave with him.
“I’m not here to see you, believe me,” Gianna muttered.
Aria rose from her chair and went over to Father to give him a quick hug. Usually his mood always brightened when she was around, because she was the only one who hadn’t disappointed him yet, but he didn’t even look at her.
“I don’t want you in my house,” he said to Gianna.
I spotted Fabi a couple of steps behind him, obviously unsure how to react. I knew he’d missed Gianna very much and had always been eager to talk to her on the phone, but Father’s influence on him had grown in the last few months and it was clear that my little brother wasn’t sure which side to choose.
I stood, chancing a worried look at Mother. She was still out from her meds. I didn’t want her to witness this. “Please, let’s discuss this outside,” I whispered.
Father turned on his heel and stepped out into the corridor without a single glance at Mother. The rest of us followed. Gianna didn’t give Fabi a chance to make up his mind, she hugged him and after a moment he hugged her back. He was taller than her now, taller than all of us.
Father glowered at my brother. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t able to let his stupid pride take a back seat for once. Mother needed us in her last days, but he didn’t give a damn. He didn’t even wait for me to close the door before he went off again.
“I forbade you from stepping foot into this house,” he snarled.
I slid the door shut and leaned against it. My legs felt shaky. The last few months had been draining, and I couldn’t take it anymore, but I needed to be strong for Mother, for Fabi and even for my sisters.
“It’s also Mother’s house and she asked to see me,” Gianna said. It was true. I’d lost count of the many times Mother had asked about Gianna. Regardless of how badly their last encounter had gone, they loved each other.
Father drew up to his full height. “I paid for this house and my word is law.”
“Don’t you have any respect for the wishes of your dying wife?” Gianna hissed.
I was pretty sure Father would have hit Gianna, even though she was Matteo’s wife, but Luca came upstairs in that moment. It didn’t stop Father from saying more nasty things and Gianna from firing right back at him. I couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed past them. Their fighting followed me down the corridor and even downstairs I could still hear their shouting. I stormed into the kitchen, threw the door shut and leaned against it before I buried my face in my hands. The tears I’d been fighting for so long pressed against my eyeballs. I couldn’t hold them back.
A noise made me look up. Romero stood at the kitchen counter and was watching me over his coffee cup. I cringed in embarrassment and quickly tried to wipe my cheeks clean. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know someone was in here.” I didn’t even know Romero was here at all, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Since Matteo had stayed in New York, Luca needed someone who could keep an eye on my sisters when he was busy.
“This is your home,” he said simply. His eyes were kind and understanding. I had to look away or I’d really start bawling, snot and sobs and all, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“It used to be,” I whispered. I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut but the words kept coming. “But now it feels like I’m trapped. There’s nothing good. Anywhere I look there is just darkness, just sickness, and hate and fear.” I fell silent, shocked by my outburst.
Romero set down his coffee. “When was the last time you left the house?”
I didn’t even know. I shrugged.
“Let’s take a walk. We can get a coffee. It’s really warm outside.”
Euphoria burst through the dark cloud that had been my emotions in the last few weeks. “Are you sure that’s okay?”
“I’ll check with Luca but I don’t see why it should be a problem. Just a sec.”
I stepped aside so he could walk by. His delicious aftershave entered my nose as he passed me and I wanted to press my nose into his shirt to find solace in his scent. My eyes followed him, traced his broad shoulders and narrow hips. Mother’s words shot through my mind again. Maybe happiness wasn’t as far away as I thought.
Romero
I shouldn’t even consider being alone with Lily, not now, not ever. Not when I couldn’t stop noticing how grown up she looked. She wasn’t the little girl I’d first met. She was a woman in marriageable age now, but she was out of my league, at least by her father’s standards. I was one of the best fighters in New York, only Luca and Matteo were as good with the knife or the gun, and I wasn’t exactly penniless, but I definitely wasn’t mob royalty and couldn’t afford a penthouse like Luca’s. I wasn’t even sure why the fuck I was thinking about those kinds of things now. I wasn’t going to ask for Lily’s hand, not now, not ever, and at this time there
