There were a few widows in Father’s age I knew but I wasn’t sure if any of them were his type. Even thinking that made me feel guilty and I wasn’t even the one considering replacing Mother. Maybe Father was lonelier than he’d let on. I’d always thought he and Mother hadn’t cared much for each other but maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe he had loved her in some twisted way. Maybe he hadn’t been able to show it. Some people were like that.
Fabi let out a low sound, drawing my eyes toward him, but he was still glowering at his feet. Which was probably for the best because Father gave him a look that sent a shiver down my back. I noticed a fading bruise on Fabi’s left temple, and I couldn’t help but wonder if there were more hidden beneath his clothing and if Father was responsible for all of them.
Father’s fingers took up their tapping again. “Maria Brasci.”
I almost fell forward in my chair. “What?” I blurted. He had to be kidding. Maria was only one year older than me. She could have been Father’s daughter. She’d gone to school with me, for God’s sake!
I peered at Fabi again, needing him to tell me this was a joke, but his grimace was all the answer I needed. This was disgusting. Was this some kind of midlife crisis thing on Father’s part? I couldn’t even begin to understand how he could choose someone who could be his daughter.
“In turn,” Father continued evenly. “You are going to marry her father, Benito Brasci.”
And that’s when my whole world shattered. I could see it right before my eyes. All the images of a future with Romero, of happiness and smiles, of sweet kisses and endless nights of lovemaking splintering into tiny pieces, and they were replaced by something horrendous and dark. Something people whispered about in hushed voices because they were worried the horrors might become reality if they spoke about them too loudly. Not in my darkest nightmares had I imagined that Father would marry me off to an old man like Benito Brasci. I didn’t remember much about him, but I didn’t have to. Everything about this was wrong.
I tried to speak but I was mute. I wondered when the first tears would fall. Right now, I still felt too numb.
“You’re condemning Lily to a life of misery.” Fabi said the words I could only think. He sounded so…old. Like he’d become a man some time when I hadn’t been looking. I wanted to give him a grateful smile but my face was frozen, all of me was. Was this really happening?
This morning I’d still kissed Romero and now I was supposed to marry Brasci.
“I’m making reasonable decisions. You don’t understand it yet, but you will.”
“No. I would never do something like that.”
“You will do worse, believe me, Son.” He sighed. “We all have to make sacrifices. That’s life.”
What kind of sacrifice was it to marry a young woman who could be his daughter? I was supposed to do the sacrificing.
I couldn’t stop wondering when the tears would come but there wasn’t even the trademark prickling yet. There was nothing. I was nothing. Again I tried to call up an image of Benito Brasci, but I came up empty. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t Romero.
“You’ll meet him tomorrow. He and Maria are coming over for dinner.”
Maybe it could have been funny if it wasn’t so terrible.
“Okay,” I said simply. I sounded collected. Fabi frowned at me, but Father looked immensely pleased. I rose from my chair and crossed the room toward the door. “I’m going to bed. I had a long day.”
“Aren’t you going to join us for dinner?” Father asked, but he didn’t sound like he cared.
“I’m not hungry,” I said calmly.
“Then sleep well. Tomorrow is an exciting day for both of us.”
My hand on the door handle stilled for an instant. A flicker of something, maybe anger, seized my body but then it was gone and I was numb again.
One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. The mantra filled my head as I ascended the staircase. Steps thundered after me and then Fabi was beside me. He grabbed my arm. He was stronger than I thought. He was so grown. These thoughts repeated themselves in my mind. Maybe my brain had been broken by shock, or shut down because the reality of the situation was too much to bear.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Lily?” he growled. His voice wasn’t man yet, but not boy either.
“Wrong?” I asked.
“Yes, wrong,” Fabi muttered. He released me and I rubbed my arm from the force of his grip.
Was something wrong with me? Maybe that was the problem. I’d done many wrong things in the past. I’d slept with Romero, even though we weren’t married. Maybe this was punishment for my sins. The pastor in our church would probably have said so.
“Why aren’t you freaking out? Why did you just say okay? Do you even realize what you agreed to?”
I wasn’t aware I’d agreed to anything. How could I have when nobody had ever asked me about my opinion? “Because there is nothing I can do.”
“Bullshit,” Fabi said, stomping his foot. Maybe not as grown up as I thought.
I almost smiled, if my face had been capable of movement. “When did you start swearing so much?”
“All the Made Men do.”
“But you aren’t one of them yet.”
“But soon.”
I nodded. That’s what I’d feared. Father seemed keen on ruining both of our lives.
“And that doesn’t even matter right now. You can’t just accept this marriage. You have to do something.”
“What? What can I do?” I asked with a hint of anger. That brief burst of emotion scared me because I preferred the numbness.
“Something,” Fabi said quietly, blue eyes pleading with me. “Anything. Don’t just accept it.”
“Then tell me what I can do. You are the future Made Man. Tell
