Diabolical. “What about your doctor?” I asked.
“I found a guy still practicing that had his license revoked. I threatened to tell the board if he didn’t help me. It was easy enough.”
“Fuck, Mom. You did all of this? I don’t get it. Why?”
Mom snorted. “Do you honestly think that a man like Joseph would marry a woman like me without reason? I’m the girl you fuck for fun, not the girl you marry. I barely graduated high school with my GED. I saw an opportunity, and I went for it. I love him, baby, I do. But he needed an extra push to be with me. When we met, our chemistry was off the charts. It wasn’t hard to help him forget a condom.”
“What did Joseph say?”
Mom choked out a muffled sob, and my heart squeezed. This was such a stupid idea, but I still felt sorry for her. Why would she go to such lengths? Did she honestly love Joseph so much that she was afraid to lose him, or was it something else? “He’s mad, but he thinks we should do a press release stating I had a miscarriage. He wants to blame the paper for being insensitive during this difficult time. He just started this job, you know? The timing couldn’t be worse.”
I twisted my face into a scowl. Was she seriously just going to lie to everyone? I guess she didn’t have a choice, not if they both wanted to save face, but what did this mean for their marriage?
“Mom. Are you okay?”
“Joseph is mad, but he will get over it. We’re married. He can’t leave me,” she said softly, her voice distant. “It would look bad if he left me. Vera, we have to do good. We can’t give him any more reason to distrust us, okay? I’m serious. Are you still talking to Hamilton?”
I blinked twice. “You can’t be serious right now. You lied about the baby, and you want to talk about my behavior?”
“I did this for you, Vera! How else were we going to pay for your schooling, huh?” I couldn’t believe her right now. She was turning this on me? I had school covered. I busted my ass to get a scholarship. I would have had a full ride to any public school had Jack not insisted I attend his alma mater.
“I could have gotten a scholarship,” I countered.
“But you didn’t. You got into the top Ivy League school in the country. You’re living in a nice apartment—nicer than anything we ever had. You’re just as deep in this as I am.”
“But I didn’t lie!” I yelled.
“But you exist, Vera! You fucking exist, and I’m not going to let you ruin this for me. The pregnancy might be a sham, but I will fight tooth and nail to save this marriage. Right now, Joseph is at some strip club fucking his way through every hot piece of ass he can find. And I’m going to keep my mouth shut like a good little wife. You’re going to be a good student and stay out of trouble. And we’re both going to fix this.”
Hot tears sank down my cheeks. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to exist. I didn’t ask for you to lie to Joseph. I was going to do it, Mom. I had been applying for scholarships, I didn’t want to go to Greenwich University. I didn’t want this fucking apartment. And I sure as fuck didn’t ask to be a constant reminder of the trauma you endured. I love you, Mom, but I can’t feel guilty for the rest of my life because you feel like I’m the reason you can’t have a happily ever after. You ruined things with Joseph by lying—not me.”
“I swear to God, Vera, do not ruin this. You read the article. People already think we planned this together. They’re calling you the brains of this operation. If I hear you’re talking to Hamilton again—”
“You’ll what? What will you do?”
“If I’m going down, I’m dragging you down with me. You can forget college. And good luck finding a scholarship after getting kicked out of Greenwich.”
I swallowed and lifted my chin, staring at the blank wall in front of me. “Well, then I guess we’d be even then. I ruined your future, you’ll ruin mine.”
Mom took a steadying breath. “Vera. I know you’re upset. We both are. Let’s just calm down. Think rationally about this. You love school, don’t you? Greenwich is an amazing university. I did this for us, baby. I did this because being a Beauregard comes with a lot of benefits. Think about how good our life could be if we just fixed this. How good my life could be. For the first time in eighteen years, I don’t have to work three jobs. Joseph is talking about me getting my degree online. I could finally do all the things we talked about, Vera. I’m sorry I took it out on you, but I just want this so bad.”
“Even if you don’t love him?” I asked. “Even if he cheats on you?” I had to know.
“He’s hurting right now but, baby, I love him so much. I know he loves me too. He just needed a little shove in the right direction. I don’t mean to make you upset. You’ve always been my good girl. Always did the right thing. I just need you to do that again for me, baby. For us. I don’t think I could handle losing the love of my life. I messed up, I did. But I know we can fix this.”
I let out a sigh. “Fine. I’ll do whatever I can,” I choked out, though the words pained me. It didn’t feel authentic to my true needs. I trusted
