I was surprised that Hamilton wanted to come here. It was his mother’s favorite restaurant, and I felt conflicted about his motives. From what I gathered, Hamilton didn’t want to think about her today. It’s why Jess had a fucking itinerary full of things planned out.
“Did your mother used to bring you here?” I asked softly. Dealing with Hamilton today was like navigating land mines. I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to ask and what would send him over the edge. I tried to stay attuned to his reactions, but his behavior made it difficult.
“I know you’re worried about me,” Hamilton said. “And I know this is confusing, and I should have probably given you a heads-up about today.” I chewed on my tongue, forcing myself not to ask him another round of questions. “I didn’t want to stress you out more than you already were. I thought I could handle it.”
“It doesn’t stress me out,” I argued. “What stresses me out is not knowing what to expect with you. I don’t want to say something that’ll upset you. You spent an entire day avoiding the issue, then bring me to a place that reminds you of her…”
The hostess called someone’s name, and a nearby party of four got up to be seated.
“Mom’s best friend owns this place,” Hamilton explained. “He and his husband moved away a while ago, but we would come here for everything. Birthdays. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Anniversaries. On the rare occasion I saw her happy, she was sitting in these booths. The night she died, we were supposed to go here to celebrate me scoring a goal in soccer.”
“But you never came here that night because she...” I whispered.
“No. And I haven’t been here ever since, either. I never really had someone that made me want to be happy again before. Jess tried. She thought I could get closure if I just finally went to dinner, you know? And I’m not stupid. I recognize that my coping mechanisms aren’t healthy. I just wanted to do this with you. We don’t have to talk about her. We don’t have to remember her right now. We just have to be happy for a night. I think she’d really like that—she’d really like you.”
“Beauregard, party of two?” The hostess said, drawing both of our attention. I stood up, though it felt like there was still so much more to say. Hamilton wrapped his arm around me before whispering in my ear.
“I just want to be happy tonight, okay? For her.”
“Okay,” I whispered back before he guided me through the restaurant toward our table.
Once we sat down, a waitress took our drink order. He got a glass of wine I’d never heard of before. I got water. “You did good out there at paintball. Though you kind of cheated by hiding for most of the game.”
“You’re just jealous that I was small enough to fit between those two boulders,” I replied with a chuckle. I welcomed the change in pace of our conversation. “I’m worn out, though. Can you massage my shoulders tonight?”
“I’ll do a full rub down on you, Petal,” Hamilton replied before lifting his wineglass and taking a sip. His eyes were trained on me as he drank.
“Good. Because I’m sore all over. Jess is like a drill sergeant.”
Hamilton tipped back his head and laughed, the sound melodic and tempting. “She takes today very seriously. I don’t know what I would do without her, honestly. And I’m shocked that she included you in it. She’s kind of…protective of that role. I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but she’s never invited them.”
Girlfriend? There was a lot to unpack with that statement. My eyes widened, but I tried to play it cool. “I like Jess,” I replied, my voice nothing but a squeak.
“Is the girlfriend label freaking you out?” Hamilton asked with a smirk. Damn him for knowing what I was thinking.
“Last I checked, you didn’t like labels,” I countered. It felt like we were playing a game of chess, with the first person to admit their feelings losing.
“I like that we’re doing plural things,” Hamilton replied. “I’d like to do couple things more.” I clutched my chest and stared at him. Hamilton was devastatingly sexy. He wore a suit for the occasion, his black hair combed to the side and the shadow of hair dusting his jaw giving him a dangerous edge. I could have crawled across the tabletop and kissed him. “Are you okay with labeling this? Are you prepared to go against your mother?”
I looked down at the table and took a steadying breath. “Yeah,” I replied nervously. “I think I am.”
“Look at me, Vera,” Hamilton replied. I followed his directions with a frown. “There’s no thinking. You either are or you aren’t. Now you know my intentions. You know me. You know my pain. I’ll give you time to decide, but I’m offering something real. Something that terrifies me because I have a habit of ruining all the good things in my life, but I want you, okay? I fucking want you. I just want to know that you’ll be mine no matter what. And I don’t think you will be until you pick up your phone and call your mother.”
I didn’t know what to say. I hated that I was still so controlled by a woman who had hurt me so much. I knew this limbo we were in had to end soon,
