“I didn’t do this,” I whispered. “Joseph did it.” Mom wasn’t thinking right. She was badly hurt and forcing blame on me. I may have had a small part in the destruction of her happily ever after, but she had the starring role. A man is entitled to his anger, but he’s not entitled to making others suffer as a result of it. It felt like somewhat of a breakthrough. For the first time in my life, I didn’t assume responsibility for my mother’s unhappiness and hurt.
“You did this. Hamilton did this,” she snapped, her tone weak. I didn’t know much about abuse victims, but I knew she wasn’t thinking clearly. I couldn’t hold her to a standard of sanity when she was this vulnerable.
I was about to demand that we call the cops when Hamilton started walking up the drive. “Oh look, a family reunion.” He was staring at me, ignoring my mother’s frail body beside me.
“Hamilton—” I began to explain, but he cut me off.
“Her or me, Vera?” he asked. The question caught me off guard. Seriously? He wanted me to choose? Now?
“I’m not choosing,” I snapped. “It’s incredibly selfish of you to ask.”
Hamilton scoffed and shook his head, angrily mumbling to himself as he did. “You’re just like the rest of them. Why bother prolonging the inevitable? You like going to an expensive school and staying in your expensive apartment. I thought you were different. I thought we could have had something, but the second she shows up, you forget about me. Just like Jack. Just like everyone else. Turning a blind eye—”
I’d had enough. From everyone.
“Joseph beat up my mother, Hamilton.” My stark statement made a fresh wave of sobs break through my mother’s lips. “I’m not choosing anyone or anything. I’m taking care of the only family I have right now. Stop projecting your issues with Jack on me. I’m not going to stand here and let you bully me. I’m going to take her to the hospital and back to my apartment because she needs me right now.” Mom let out a choked sob. Hamilton’s shoulders dipped.
“What?” he asked, the fog clearing on his anger as he took a step closer.
“Go to bed, Hamilton. Sort your shit out. I need to take care of her, okay?”
I gently grabbed my mother’s arm and started guiding her toward her Escalade. “Shit, Vera. I’m so sorry. I didn’t see. Joseph did this?”
“It’s your fault,” Mom cried out, her trembling legs nearly buckling beneath her. “It’s all your fault.”
Through the bright moonlight and streetlamps, I saw Hamilton grit his teeth. “Let me come with you, Vera. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I let out a shaky breath. I knew that my mother didn’t want an audience to an already traumatizing experience. And Hamilton wasn’t in the right headspace to be what I needed him to be. “Just stay here please and get some rest? I don’t think you’re capable of helping me right now. I just want to get her to the hospital.”
“Vera. Please let me—”
“No,” I snapped.
Hamilton helped me put Mom in the passenger seat. She was crying to herself, repeating the same thing over and over. “I hate you. I hate you both,” she sobbed before putting her head in her hands. I swallowed that hate and buried it in my chest, suffocating the notion with determination. After shutting the passenger door, I stood outside with Hamilton for a moment, awkwardly wrapping my arms around myself and searching for the words to say.
“Are you sure I can’t come with you?”
“Positive,” I whispered.
Hamilton looked like he wanted to reach out and touch me but instead balled his hands into fists at his side. “Please call me if you need anything. I’ll fix this, okay?” Hamilton said.
“I’m not going to call,” I admitted.
“What? No. This is just a setback, Petal. I’m an ass. An insensitive asshole. I fucked up. I can fix this, Petal. I can take care of Joseph once and for all. I can make them all pay and protect you—even protect your mother.” I didn’t need his protection.
He reached out to grab my shoulder, but I shrugged out of his reach.
“I’ve got it all covered, Hamilton. I don’t need you to fix this. I need you to fix yourself.” I let out a sigh, tears filling my eyes.
He looked down at his feet as I shoved past him to get in the driver’s side. The moment I started the car, my heart sank. This felt like the end of it all, somehow. And I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
24
I’d seen my mother battered and bruised before. She once dated a married man and came home with a shiner on her face. The wife wasn’t too happy when she found the two of them together in her bed. She also rode a bike to work when she couldn’t afford a car and then crashed it into a ditch. Proud and determined, she came limping home with a broken foot and a bent bike frame. It never did heal right.
She handled pain. Delivered me without an epidural because she didn’t want to spend the money. She endured bitter winters without a coat to save money. She had cigarette butt indents in her stomach. A ripped earlobe from when she had a stud yanked out.
But I’d never seen her like this. Cracked wide open. Raw. Bloodied. I wasn’t sure if it was the physical injuries making her tremble and cry out. No, it was the mental anguish that had her twisted in knots.
Mom refused to go to the hospital, so instead, I
