I realized what had happened the moment I saw him. Nix. Nix! He was standing behind Alessandro, holding onto his hand like it was a lifeline. He looked rattled but still the same. The thick-rimmed glasses he used to wear weren’t on his face. His lips were swollen and bruised. His eyes wild, feverish, and coal black. He looked haunted and horny. The sweatshirt he wore didn’t hide the way his chest heaved. I felt my excitement rise within me. It was like taking a breath of air after being held under water. My mouth parted in a gleeful smile. My skin felt ten pounds lighter. But then, that elation cracked, crumbled, and collapsed. Nix licked his lips while glancing at Alessandro, and that simple longing look was all I needed to see. I knew. I just knew where I stood in this dynamic.
I’d planned for this, hadn’t I? I knew that there was a possibility that these feelings were one-sided. Alessandro looked like he just kissed the love of his life, and Nix looked like I was intruding on something precious. This wasn’t the reunion I wanted. But I refused to let them see me break.
“You’re alive,” I said calmly before backing up and walking back into the room. I wanted to hug him. Hit him. Beg for answers. I wanted to kiss his lips and strip him bare. But no. I wouldn’t allow myself to hurt.
“He was following us, and I caught him,” Alessandro said. His voice was pinched with a level of guilt that I didn’t want to pick up on.
“Well. We always knew you’d be the one to catch him, huh?” I gritted before turning my attention to Nix. “You look good. Where have you been? Why did you leave?”
“We really don’t have time for this, remember?” Nix said in a low voice to Alessandro. So they were already sharing little moments—little secrets. Fine.
“Right,” I whispered.
Alessandro walked up to me and cupped my chin with his hand. I didn’t want to be hurt or angry with him. If I were in his shoes, I would have done the exact same thing. But it still stung something deep. I was just a temporary fling to Nix. Something to pass the time before he left for god knows where. “I’m going to take a quick shower and get dressed. Then we have to leave. Our location is compromised.”
“Okay,” I replied while giving him a shaky smile. Above all else, it was important he knew that our friendship surpassed the pain I felt. I’d already officially lost the hope of having Nix. I couldn’t stand to lose Alessandro, too.
“I promise we will talk about all of this.”
I didn’t want to talk, but I nodded anyway.
The moment Alessandro slipped into the bathroom, Nix started checking the perimeter. I watched as he ran his fingers along every surface and checked under the bed. “Ah,” he said quickly. “Found a listening device. The Ringleaders collect blackmail like it’s trading cards.”
I had no idea what or who he was talking about, but it stung that he was still avoiding the elephant in the room. The term Ringleaders made me pause, though. It was the same word used by that crazy bitch that tried to blow us up.
“Are we going to talk at all?” I asked.
“Not right now. We don’t have time,” Nix said distractedly.
Hot tears stung my eyes. How could I be so stupid? I was hung up on a man who could care less if I was here. He seemed unaffected. Unmoved. While I was falling apart, he was just existing. I had built up what we had in my mind like the foolish girl I was. I clung to his memory. But not anymore.
“You owe me an apology. Give me that, and I’ll drop it indefinitely,” I said while crossing my arms over my chest.
“What?” Nix asked, his voice taking on a softer tone.
I averted my eyes for a brief moment, then shook my head. “What? What?!” I echoed. “I mean, apologize for making me love you, then just leaving. Apologize for coming back here and not giving two fucks that I’ve traveled across the world to find you.”
“I never asked to be found,” Nix murmured before sitting on the edge of the bed and crossing his legs.
“Right.”
I scratched at my neck where a scab was forming from the blast. His eyes zeroed in on the movement, and I watched him clench his fist. Fuck him. Fuck all of this. “So, no apologies?” I asked.
“Is that what’s going to make you move on?” Nix asked, a bit of anger to his tone.
No, I thought.
“Yes.”
“Then I apologize for fucking you and leaving. I’m sorry you thought it was more than what it was. I’m sorry you wasted all this time. I’m sorry you fell in love with me. I’m usually pretty clear about my expectations going into things, and I didn’t do that with you. I’m not going to give you an explanation, because I don’t have to. I’m not going to apologize for your feelings, because I never asked for them. I’m not going to do anything, because you mean nothing to me, Grace Moretti. The sooner you learn that, the better.”
His words. Fuck, his words. It was like a bullet to the heart. I wanted to scream and cry and throw myself at him. But no, I refused. I’d watched my mother lose her mind over men that promised her the world, then gave her fifty dollars for her services and some crack to dull the blow of rejection. I wouldn’t let him break me. I would just add him to the list of disappointments in my life and move on.
“Alright. Thank you for clearing that up.”
I heard the shower shut off in the bathroom, and Alessandro walked out in a towel. I’d seen Alessandro naked plenty of times. He was gorgeous. Chiseled. But instead of staring at the delicate droplets of water trailing down the
