When I look at myself in the mirror, I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous I appear. I don’t look much like the captain of a ship anymore. Now, I look like a little pleasure slave.
Aelon can dress me up for the part, but that won’t make me become it. He’s quickly going to find out that I’m not just some toy for his use. He thinks of himself as my owner, but that’s not true. I’m a free woman. I can’t be held captive, and I won’t submit to him – not unless I want to on my own terms; to experience the sweet release of complete surrender.
Sweet surrender I will never feel again.
But I can’t stop thinking about them. The way the bodies of those three Aurelians intertwined so perfectly with mine. I’ve always like bigger guys, especially more muscular ones, but I’ve never felt an attraction as powerful as this before.
When our bodies molded together in the heat of passion – Iunia, Aelon or Vinicus – it was as if we truly became one. When I felt them cumming deep inside of me, our bodies writhing and moving in the rhythm of our need, I’d felt a satisfaction like I’d never thought possible. Every worry I had disappeared in that moment of sweet release.
“It’s just the Bond,” I tell myself, smoothing the dress out.
I say the words to convince myself, but they fail. The Bond might make it more intense, but if even a fraction of the attraction and pull I feel towards those three Aurelians is real, then it exceeds anything I’ve ever felt before. Their kiss alone made every romantic encounter of my past seem like a shadow in comparison – a cheap reflection compared to the realness of their passion.
So, what am I going to do with myself?
The years are going to be lonely – the thousands of years.
Pushing the three Aurelians out of my mind – reducing their auras to faint circles in my consciousness – is ultimately only going to make things worse. I’ll always know they’re in there, and I’ll always know why we can’t be together.
I can’t let those men raise my children. Not with Aelon’s violence and willingness to take huge risks for a prize as intangible as vengeance against the species he hates. No man with so much hate could possibly have room for love.
But that means I will have no love in my future.
Any human man I marry will grow old and die while I stay young. Any children I bear will wither in front of my very eyes. What horror could there be worse than that? Worse than a mother losing her child? I can’t bear to put that on myself.
I have two choices, then: A life of loneliness, or to deal with those possessive, dominant aliens – the ones who drive me mad with pleasure and yet infuriate me in every other way.
“Focus on your crew.”
This time, I say the words with conviction. I center myself, grabbing the bag of clothes. Sawoot and I are the same size and she’ll like these dresses better than the rough clothes she has aboard my ship.
I open the door, and Garrick’s triad looks away – as if they don’t trust themselves seeing me in such a skimpy dress. They truly are a gallant group. These three aren’t like other Aurelians, who’d be staring at me hungrily, imagining ripping apart the thin fabric of this dress and forcing me hard against the wall.
Why couldn’t I be Bonded to this triad?
These three are so noble – so strong and powerful, yet without any of the bad qualities of other Aurelians.
However, I guess life would be too easy if that were so.
I can hear Sawoot’s snores through the door to her room. Garrick and his triad must be able to hear them too. She’s never admitted she snores, and she’s slapped a couple of guys who insisted she sounds like a ship’s engine when she sleeps, but I know the truth.
I knock on the door three times before it opens.
Sawoot is bleary-eyed and completely naked in bed. The doors close behind me as I step inside.
“What time is it?” Sawoot yawns. I can’t believe she’s so relaxed – especially when we’re going to have the escape of our lives tonight. My own sleep was fitful, and my dreams were filled with the bodies of the three men who torment my fevered mind.
Sawoot yawns, stretching, and then her eyes widen. She starts laughing. “What are you wearing?”
“Captain Aelon has a sense of humor – but you’d better stop laughing, unless you want to get back into your sweaty clothes from yesterday. I’ve got a couple dresses for you to choose from.”
I throw the bag of clothes towards her. Sawoot opens the bag eagerly, picking out a blue dress that is just as sheer as mine. “Oooh. This is going to look good on me.”
“Really? You go from making fun of me, to wanting to wear something similar?”
She shrugs. “These are nice dresses. I just know you feel like a fraud wearing them, so I had to tease you.” Then, she looks up. “Aelon might be annoyed you’re giving me one.”
“Well, Aelon can choke on that when we’re safely away from him.”
Even though she’s the same size as me, Sawoot looks so much better in the dress than I do. She was always made to wear fancy things.
As she examines herself in the mirror, Sawoot warns me: “A guy doesn’t just give you dresses for nothing. So, you slept with him last night, didn’t you?”
I want to throw up. I can’t meet her eyes.
“I’m… I’m Bonded to them.”
She gasps, spinning around. “You lucky bitch!”
“Sawoot!”
“Sorry! Sorry, I just… Wow!” She steps over, grabbing my hands. “You’re going to live thousands of years, Tasha! Oh, my God, that’s… What does it feel
