“How did you know he was worth it? I mean you left everything for him.”
“James, love is always worth it, no matter the cost and you know what being with dad cost me but it was worth everything, even if it was twice as bad it would have been worth it. When there’s love in the matter there’s no question, you just have to go for it,” she said and then left me there to think. I thought back to Mickey who was probably pulled over somewhere still trying to get to her grandmother’s. I missed her grandmother, she was cute and feisty, tough but sweet at the same time. We got on great, I was always welcome to come over whenever I wanted. I remember Mick and I used to sleep until around ten in the morning together in her bed and then we’d go downstairs and her Gran would have blueberry pancakes ready for us.
“Did you to sleep well?” she would always ask, passing us at least three types of syrup, all of them real.
“Yep,” we would almost always answer. There was only a no if we didn’t sleep at all or if it was thundering real hard, on those nights, then Mickey would snuggle up real close, they were my favorite. Why was I thinking about sleeping with Michaela and even more important why was my body liking the thought so much, even if it was all clean.
“Did you apologize to Mickey?” was the first thing out of dad’s mouth.
“No, she went to her grandmother’s,” I said relieved. Dad nodded, he knew from the amount of times we went together that it was a whole weekend affair. He left without another word, which was weird because dad and I were pretty close, which meant he must have been very angry with me. Later that night I lay in my room with the lights off as usual. Dad walked in, without knocking and flicked on the light switch. I was surprised, I had expected it to be June, even though we still weren’t talking, but it was dad, this was highly unusual. He looked down at me angry but his gaze soon softened into pity.
“Are you happy?” he asked, sitting down on my bed beside me.
“Yeah,” I lied, not sounding believable even to my own ears.
“You’ve been sad, angry, and hurt for a long time,” he said taking my hand in his own. I didn’t say anything or bother arguing, it was all true and there was no use denying it. He looked into my eyes and then continued speaking. “You used to smile and be happy, you never used to get in trouble, you didn’t used to hid and sulk. Why are you and Mikey still fighting, what did she do to you?” he asked. I nearly laughed in his face.
“Dad, Mickey didn’t do anything. It was all me, I did it all,” I admitted for the first time out loud.
“I don’t understand?” he said confused. “Why?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” It was the truth; all I knew it was the biggest mistake of my life.
I woke up around noon on Sunday morning and decided I’d better do my homework, something I’d been slacking on lately, even though it was important to do my best to get into a good college. I already had four messages and lots of missed text messages. I finished my homework and then began to read them. Most of them were from Laura saying things like I miss you or I can’t wait to see you. And the voicemails were all her rough voice saying call me when you want to get together, or I guess you’re busy, give me a ring? The last one from her said, I guess we’re not doing anything and you’re busy, I’ll see you Monday. The final message wasn’t from Laura like I was expecting, it was from Gert which surprised me. Her fake voice sounded even more fake in the message.
“Hi! It’s Gertie, bet you’re glad to be hearing from me. I just wanted to apologize for Mickey stalking you and tell you it won’t be happening again. We had a talk and well there’s no more problems but maybe you should keep your blinds closed just in case. She always looks out her window, you want to go out sometime?” And then she hung up. Well, that was weird and stupid. For one thing, she of all people knew Mickey didn’t stalk anyone, much less me. This was old news, she’d already announced that Mick was a freak to practically the whole cafeteria. So, she phoned me to tell me old news? What did this mean, what did she want? Because with Gertrude she was always after something. I thought and thought about this. Do I want to go out? Definitely not, but why did she ask that at the end? None of it made sense but then again, she rarely seemed to make sense. She did stuff with purpose but no sense, or at least none that I could understand. Her logic was all twisted, much like her.
“We need to talk James,” June said bursting in, very June like.
“No,” I said and flipped through more missed text messages. Tiffany asked if I was going to a party last night, guess she got her answer. June stood in my room, hands on her hips.
“Fine, be that way. I’ve had enough of your stupid friends and your new attitude anyway,” she said and left.
“Me too,” I said sounding more like an idiot. I didn’t do well under pressure.
I woke up late Monday morning and rushed out the door. I made it just in time for English, where the class was already seated. Mickey ignored my arrival and continued writing something in her notebook. Dad made me promise to apologize to her today but I could always lie. I just wasn’t good at lying to him. I looked
