“That was wrong, I’m sorry,” she said flushing. Wrong! How could that be wrong? Nothing in my life felt more right. I wanted to do it again, no I needed to do it again, I needed more.
“Wrong?” I asked her, not hiding my hurt. She stepped back and sat on my bed. Looking down I sat beside her, not wanting the distance between us.
“You’re with Laura, we’re finally friends again,” she said, still not meeting my eyes. “I should go,” she muttered, walking towards the door. I love you! Dammit Michaela, I love you!
“Don’t go,” I said, grabbing her hand and stopping her. “Please, just don’t go,” I begged desperately. I couldn’t lose anymore time with her, I’d already lost more than enough. She looked into my eyes for a long time, deciding and then nodded. I had to officially end things with Laura, even though we really were never anything to begin with. I wanted Mickey more than anything, and I was going to do this right.
“I just want things to be like they used to,” she said in a small voice. I want more, I couldn’t say it though, this was more than I could ask for already. I had her back in my life and that would have to be enough.
“It will be, just don’t go,” I told her pulling her in for a hug, it felt so right, like it always did with us. And just like that our kiss was forgotten, like it had never happened and we continued on but it never left my mind, and I could still feel the tingling sensation on my lips and I wanted to continue feeling it.
Michaela
I left James’s with almost a skip in my step. It had been so nice seeing his family and catching up with them and it was clear that they’d missed me just as much. June and I had even made plans to have a movie night, that I was going to bring sweet treats to. James was especially excited for that. Everything was just as it used to be and I truly believed that James meant what he’d said about always caring for me and that he wouldn’t ever leave me again. He had kept his box safe with all of our memories and I couldn’t even find words to express how grateful I was to him for saving the tapes of my parents. He knew how much they meant to me. I still couldn’t believe I’d kissed him! And how amazing it had felt! I hadn’t wanted to stop but then I remembered Laura and that broke the spell.
I’d put our friendship at risk with that kiss and regretted it. I’d finally gotten him back in my life and I’d made such a foolish mistake but I wouldn’t again. Our friendship was everything to me and James clearly wasn’t interested. He had agreed that things would go back to the way it used to be, not that he liked me. That was the one thing that had changed, I wanted James in an entirely new way, a way that I couldn’t have him.
I opened the front door and found dad in his office, his laptop open and papers spread out all over his desk. I’d never seen him like this, he was always so orderly and in control. He looked exhausted, I rushed to his side, worried, and rubbed his hunched shoulders.
“Are you okay, daddy?” I asked, lightly massaging the knots of tension.
He quickly shut his laptop so I wouldn’t see what was on the screen and sat up straighter.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said with a strained smile on his face, “I’m doing fine, just lots to do,” he continued. “How was your day?” he asked finally.
“It was good, I was just at James’ and hanging out with the Kirks.” I smiled, that seemed to erase some of the wrinkles from his brow.
“That’s really great news, sweetheart. I’m happy that you two have managed to work things out,” he said happy.
“Me too, dad, it’s just like it was before,” I told him smiling just thinking about it.
“I’m really happy hon, it’s good timing,” he started but then didn’t continue and looked lost.
“Dad?” I asked, a little confused and very concerned.
“I’m going to Rome for a few weeks but when I come back there will he a few changes,” he stated cryptically. “I think you should spend more time at the Kirk house and at Gran’s while I’m away,” he told me and held my hand tightly. I nodded, not knowing what to say. “Lets us two go out for dinner tonight,” he said with a half smile on his face but still it seemed forced, like he had no energy left in him.
“Sounds nice.” I smiled, I loved my time alone with dad and was hoping there was a way I could help ease his stress.
Dinner with dad was nice and once we left the house and got to the restaurant, he actually seemed to relax and to be genuinely enjoying himself.
“I was thinking,” he started to say, as we finished up our chocolate mousse, “this summer you should go to Paris and do that pastry program you always wanted to do. You’re graduating and if you are serious about wanting to bake, then Paris is where you should be going to school and where you will learn from the best,” he said, surprising me. I couldn’t believe my ears. This had been my dream for so long but always a pipe dream, I’d never thought it could be in the realm of possibility. First James, and now
