“You didn’t like it,” he stated with a frown. My stomach knotted with discomfort.
“It’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s just that I don’t feel that way, Derek,” I told him honestly. “I care for you but only as friends and that kiss confirmed it,” I said, feeling badly.
“I never had a chance, did I?” he asked disappointed, “It was always going to be like this once I got friend-zoned,” he stated. I thought about that and my similar situation with James. Would we never work because we had friend-zoned each other? No, I had to believe we had a shot. There was chemistry and an intensity; Derek and I just didn’t have that.
“Derek, I’ve had feelings for someone else for a long time and I’m not over them. It wouldn’t be fair to string you along.” He sighed but patted me on the back.
“I better get extra pity cookies then,” he said, catching me off guard and making me laugh, he smiled too and just like that we went on with our afternoon. I didn’t stay long after the kiss; it was still a little awkward, but I felt confident my friendship with Derek was going to be okay. I felt the need to see James that much more after the events of my afternoon.
When I got home, James was already sitting outside on his front porch. I walked over cheerful to be with him again. He stood up as I came, smiling brightly as well, his brown wavy hair handsomely swept across his forehead. I loved his hair, well, really everything about him but especially his hair. He gave me a giant hug, pulling me close to his chest, his arms tightening around me. I could feel his heartbeat through his shirt in this tight embrace and I could smell his delicious, fancy cologne, that made my mouth water.
“I missed you, Mouse.” He sighed and kissed my head, inhaling the scent of my hair, it felt so intimate that it sent chills down my spine.
“I missed you too,” I admitted against his warm strong chest. “How was your day?” I asked, once he released me and we sat down together on the porch loveseat. I saw a few things go through his mind but his expression remained light and cool.
“It’s much better now that you’re here,” he said instead and smiled genuinely. At that moment, Mrs. Kirk opened the door to find us sitting cozily together, her beautiful face smiled in surprise at finding us together.
“Oh, Mickey!” she exclaimed, “I’m happy to be finding you out here, and not that God awful Laura!” she laughed. I felt my stomach tighten at hearing Laura had just been here with James and imagining the things they might have done. “Why don’t you both come in?” she asked delighted. “Mickey, you must stay for supper!” she continued.
“I’d love to,” I agreed. Even if I was feeling jealous, I still wanted to be with James.
“Let’s go talk in my room,” James said, taking my hand in his and leading me upstairs. He closed the door behind us and put on some of his music quietly, to fill the background. I sat on the end of his bed watching him remove his long-sleeved flannel shirt, so he wore only a plain white tee. He was absolutely stunning, he didn’t even need to try. He walked back over and jumped onto his bed, pulling me onto him as he fell, I laughed as we bounced up and down from the force of his weight.
“So, how was your date?” he asked finally and I felt my body stiffen. “What?” he asked, his face paling and eye brows creasing in concern. “What happened Mick?” he asked again.
“Nothing, it was fine,” I told him but when he clearly wouldn’t accept that answer, I divulged a little more. “It wasn’t a date,” I clarified first. “It was going fine and we were having fun and then Derek kissed me,” I stated, unable to meet his eyes, I felt so embarrassed. James lifted my chin to meet his eyes. His facial expression scared me, it was one I’d never witnessed on him before.
“Did he hurt you?” he asked through gritted teeth. “Did he do anything you didn’t want him to do to you?” he continued, before I even had a chance to answer. I could feel him shaking in anger beneath me.
“No James, Derek would never!” I exclaimed shocked he would even think such a thing. “It was just a kiss.” I explained, “I just don’t feel that way about him.” James’s arms around me loosened and he exhaled in relief. I felt uncomfortable with this conversation and quickly turned it around on him. “So, you were with Laura.” I stated.
“She wasn’t here long,” he said, rubbing my arms soothingly. “We just needed to have a talk that was long overdue,” he told me cryptically. I nodded, unsure what he meant by that. I looked up into his warm, dark hazel eyes and found myself mesmerized in their golden earthy depths. He lowered his head so that his lips were only millimetres away from mine and I could feel his warm breath against my skin. I inched myself closer to him and his lips, feeling a magnetic pull. It was excruciating not making the slightest movement forward so that our lips could be pressed to one another, when I wanted it so bad, but he wasn’t mine to take.
“James.” I uttered, my bottom lip accidently brushing against his as I spoke, sending tingles shooting straight to my core, my body heating up in yearning. “We can’t,” I
