My mother touches my hand. “She’ll calm down, Teagan.”
My heart breaks because I’m hurting the one person who matters most. The thing that I was most afraid of is coming to fruition. My relationship with Derek is ruining the closeness I have with Chastity, and that can’t ever happen.
I won’t allow any man—or any person, for that matter—to be the source of her pain. And it’s clear that is exactly what’s happening.
“I have to end this.” I choke on the words as my chest tightens.
“End it? Because your daughter doesn’t want you to date someone?”
I look up and nod. “She’s my world, Mom. She needs to know I have her back even when no one else does. I’m not going to be the cause of her anguish.”
I never want to hurt her.
“You’re going to walk away from a man that you’ve had feelings for because his daughter is making things difficult for Chastity? Of course she is. She’s angry, hurting, and mourning the loss of her mother. That doesn’t mean she has the right to dictate how her father lives his life. I know you think I don’t love you.” She shakes her head a bit. “I know I’m not the mother you wish I could be. There are many mistakes I’ve made, but neither of those kids know what it’s like to raise a child. If you make this choice, no matter what the reason, what does it accomplish?”
I don’t know, but I can’t let her think I don’t care. “I need to talk to her.”
My mom nods with her lips in a thin line. “Talk to Derek too. I would bet he’s not willing to walk away from you over two kids in middle school.”
Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right choice.
I rush out the door and find Chastity sitting on the step. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she says with zero enthusiasm.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She and I sat on this very step many times when she was an infant. It was my way out of that house where I felt like I was suffocating. Now, it seems she’s found the same purpose for it.
“I didn’t think it bothered me until today.”
“That she was making fun of you?”
Chastity shrugs. “I like Dr. Hartz and you dating him, but God she makes it hard for me. It’s bad enough that I have to be around Everly at school and whenever she is at the clinic, but having her talk about you like that…I hate it.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know.”
“She’s such a horrible person. She’s always nasty and talking about people. I think she finds joy in other people being miserable. And then, she’s just as big of a bitch to her ‘friends,’” she says, making the air quotes with her fingers. “I don’t get it. It makes me happy that I don’t have all those stupid people around me. It makes no sense.”
I nod, knowing all too well how she feels. The thing is, I don’t think she really cares about Everly and her friends. It’s more like Everly and integrating her into our lives.
“It doesn’t, but that isn’t what you’re upset about, is it?”
“Mom.” Chasity shifts so we’re eye to eye. “If you marry him, I would have to live with her.”
“Back up, Chas.”
“No, I’m serious. You think I’m dumb and that I don’t know, but I’ve heard you talk about him before. You cried once to Aunt Nina about a guy named Derek.”
So much for thinking I was quiet about that. “He was my best friend when I was in high school.” Maybe telling her will help her understand. “We were the most unlikely friends. He was sort of nerdy but not the smart kind and I was…”
“Yes, we know, you were the queen.”
I laugh because she loves to make fun of it. “I was.”
“Lame.”
“It is.”
“So, you became friends and he…”
“We were just that. He was always there for me and when I got pregnant with you, he was who got me through it all.” Not the tape or blackmail because that came after she was born. But through the whole pregnancy, Derek was there. He came to visit me each weekend, helped take care of me when I was trying to keep afloat, and then held me as I cried when Keith treated me so poorly.
She chews on her bottom lip, which is her tell that she’s mulling it over. “Why have I never heard of him then?”
“Because, he got married to Everly’s mom and she apparently didn’t like me.”
Chastity gasps in mock horror. “Who knew? One person didn’t love you!”
I slap her arm. “Watch it.”
“I’m kidding.”
“I’ve waited a very long time to find someone who held a candle to Derek.”
“Even after he left you?” she asks. “You still thought he was great after he cut you out of his life?”
This is the part that’s hard to explain. Yes, Derek chose someone else over me, but then isn’t that the way it should’ve been? His wife asked him to make a choice for their family, which he did.
I don’t know that my life would be any better had he been in it. But there’s not a doubt in my mind that he would’ve been a huge part of Chastity’s life and given her something I can’t…a man to look up to.
“Derek made his choice and I’ve made choices too. I’ve longed for someone to make me feel the way he does. With him, I’m not the homecoming queen, the naive young girl who got pregnant, the woman who works at her parents’ antique store, or the loser. I’m Teagan. I see myself in his eyes, and I always have.”
“I don’t understand why, of all the people in the world, it has to be her father. Can’t you find anyone else who will see how awesome you are?”
I smile at her compliment. Then the words come out so easily it has to be true. “It will
