“You have no idea how much trouble you’re in,” I tell her as I get to my feet. “You went, after my explicit instructions not to, you’ve been contacting him behind my back, and then you got Derek involved in your scheme.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Mom, but can you imagine what it’s like to have a parent who you don’t even know? He’s not dead. He’s a freaking famous person and people talk about him around here like he’s a god. So, yes, I wanted to meet him. I’m sorry that you’re mad because I wanted to meet him.”
“I’m not upset you wanted to meet him, Chastity. I understand that. I’m upset you lied to me. We don’t lie to each other. That has always been the one thing we’ve promised. You went behind my back—more than once—and I want your phone. You’re grounded.”
“Fine, whatever. I lied but I had to. You wouldn’t listen to me about it! You just told me to stay away. Even years ago when I asked about him! I wanted to know about my father and you never cared!”
“I’m the parent here. I know what’s best for you, and Keith”—I sneer his name—“isn’t good for anyone. I wasn’t trying to be mean or whatever else you think, I was protecting you from someone who doesn’t deserve you!”
“I can decide that for myself,” she yells.
I wish she could. I wish that at thirteen I could’ve known all the bad shit that was to come. She has no idea what a cruel world it is, and I’d like to shield her as much as I can. “Babygirl, if only that were true, but the bottom line is, you disobeyed me, and you got Derek involved. Hand over the phone.”
She hands me her phone and stomps off to her room.
I look up at the ceiling, pushing the tears back. Everly walks through the door and looks at Derek. “Dad?”
“Go on down to the car, Everly. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I walk over to the counter, putting my hands behind me for support. There’s no salvaging tonight.
“You know what kills me?” I say to Derek as he stands there, watching me.
“What?”
“That as angry as I am about all of this, and believe me, I’m fucking pissed, I’m more sad. I had no idea that all of this went on, and here I am, paying the price. I didn’t know you loved me a million years ago, and I had to pay the price then. When do I get to make the choices? When is it my turn to decide what happens in my life?”
“What do you want, Teagan?”
“I don’t ever get what I want.”
“Then ask for it.”
“I have and what do I have to show for it?”
Derek moves closer, his eyes stay on mine. “Chastity knew what she wanted and went after it. Be proud of that for just a minute. I know you’re angry and hurt, but you want to decide, then decide now. What do you want?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
And that’s the thing of it all, I have no idea what I want because suddenly, I feel unsteady. Not because Chastity lied, but because with Derek, my life doesn’t feel boxed in. As much as I love it, it’s hard not feeling secure. Things aren’t as they’ve always been, and it scares the shit out of me.
With choices comes vulnerability to be hurt so deeply.
He takes a step forward. His fingers wipe the tears that fall down my cheek. “Close your eyes.”
My lids lower.
“Don’t think, just tell me something real, Tea.”
I let his warmth thaw away some of the hurt that’s inside of me, and let the visions I’ve held back for so long come to life. “You and me, in a home, raising the girls and being happy. I want to paint. I want to not be in this apartment, feeling like I’m nothing.” I envision myself at the beach, him sitting on the blanket next to me. “I want us to be happy, to grow old together.”
His lips touch mine in the softest of kisses. I feel the callus of his thumb graze across my lip when he pulls back. “I see all of that when I close my eyes. I see you in that horrible house of dolls, waiting for me. I see us living a life, building our life, but you have to choose it too.”
“I did once.”
He shakes his head. “No, baby, you didn’t, but you can now. You can choose to see that no one acted in a way that was meant to hurt you. I’m going to take Everly home, you decide when you’re ready for me to come back.”
He gives me another soft kiss, this time on my forehead and then walks out.
If I could have him stay, I would. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. However, there’s a part of me that’s so lost in my head because I did choose him once. I chose him the day he married Meghan because I knew that it meant doing what was best for him—not for me.
And now I know that he loves me, wants the same vision that I do, and all I have to do is ask him to stay.
I snap out of it and rush out the door, down the stairs, and through the store. When I get to the street, all I see are taillights.
I stand here, watching him drive away.
I make my way back upstairs where Chastity’s music is loud, which means she doesn’t really care to talk, which is fine by me.
Grabbing the phone off the table, I go to text Derek, but then I realize it’s not my phone, it’s Chastity’s.
I open the app, wanting to see what exactly she’s messaged her father and click the notifications, since I have no idea where the hell the information would be. I look at the image on her page and
