That’s where she’s wrong. “I know it in my heart, Mom. She’s the girl I will always love.”
She smiles softly and then touches my face. “Then you hold onto that, Declan.” Mom places her hand on my chest, right over my heart. “Give her this, and you’ll have everything you could ever want. A life without love isn’t living, it’s just existing and you were destined to live.”
I shake my head, saying, “I don’t think she’d be happy.”
“I said proud, not happy,” Jimmy corrects. “I knew your mother, and the one thing she valued most was her family. She wanted you to have what she had.”
This is the part I still can’t reconcile. “And what did she have, Jimmy? My father couldn’t have been perfect with her.”
“I don’t think anyone has perfect, but you’re a fool if you think Michael Arrowood didn’t love Elizabeth with his whole entire being. The day that woman died, a part of him went with her, and there was nothing he could do but drink.”
What he says is right in some ways, but he could’ve chosen differently. “He made a choice to drink. He had four boys who lost their mother and were trying to find the strength to breathe. My father died because he didn’t care enough about us.”
Jimmy nods slowly. “And you chose to leave Sydney much the same way.”
“You have it all wrong, Jimmy. I left Sydney because I loved her enough to save her. That is why I can never allow myself back into her life. I love her more than I love anything in the world, regardless of what bullshit I say. I would give anything to be the man she needs, but I’m not. Telling her otherwise would be unfair.”
“I think that’s up to her, don’t you?”
“Not if I know that I would only break her heart in the end. It’s better to protect her.”
He laughs once. “I think you’re protecting yourself.”
Maybe he’s right, but the one thing I know for sure is that I’m not good enough for her—not anymore.
Chapter Fourteen
Sydney
I really have enjoyed my time with Milo. He was meticulous going over all areas of the farm with me. He explained what a potential buyer would want me to fix or what they might ask me about, showed me weaknesses to underplay and strengths to play up, and coached me on what my expectations should be. We also spoke about what I want from the sale and what I was willing to give up in order to get that. It’s been a difficult conversation, but I’m glad I had it.
At least now, my eyes are wide open and I know the kind of things to do and look for.
We just walked into the main barn, and there are so many memories in here, I can hardly breathe. All I can think about is that kiss. The way he touched me again, as though there were no other option.
I shove the memory away and remember why letting even a seedling of hope grow will destroy me.
“You’ve loved him for a long time?” Milo asks as we stand at the door.
My eyes meet his, and even if I want to lie, I have a feeling he can see right through me. “Too long.”
“He’s been a good friend and I’ve learned a lot about him, but you’ve always been the mystery I couldn’t crack.”
“Me?”
He grins. “Our wanker of a friend in there is a bit daft when it comes to matters of the heart. He has this ridiculous notion that it’s his responsibility to protect the people in his life. While, for my purposes, I appreciate his diligence because he manages my wealth and I pay him to be cautious, when it comes to people, he is a fucking idiot.”
I laugh and my hand flies to my mouth. “Yes, I’ve called him that and worse.”
“Deservingly.”
This topic is nowhere near what I thought we’d end the tour on though.
“Did he tell you why he left me?”
Milo shakes his head as we walk. “He didn’t, and while I would never betray his trust if he had, I would at least tell you that I knew.”
“He’s lucky to have you as a friend.”
His smile is devilish. “Yes, he bloody well is. However, I would like to say that you and I are friends now as well.”
“I would like that too.”
“Good, and as a friend, I often like to counsel those in need, even though my advice is rarely good. In fact, if you ask my wife, I’m usually quite wrong. Still, I know Declan, and I don’t believe that he truly wants what he says he does.”
“Which is?”
“To be alone.”
My eyes meet his as he stares at me intently. I have no idea what to say. Maybe it’s the stupid desire in my heart that wants to rebuke him, but then I think about all he’s said and what I heard. He doesn’t want what I do.
“I think you’re wrong, Milo. Declan isn’t alone either, he has his brothers.”
His deep chuckle tells me he doesn’t believe that. “His brothers who live all over the country? Yes, he has them, love, but they’re not the same. He isn’t pining over his brothers or having to fight to avoid them and then calling his friend to walk their property. Hell, he didn’t even ask me to walk his land, which we all know he wants to sell.”
“He called you because he wants me gone. If he can’t leave Sugarloaf, then the next best thing is for me to go.”
Milo puts his hands behind his back as he looks around, seeming to think on what I said. His arms fall back to his sides, and he watches me before speaking. “Men are simple creatures. I promise that he wants you and his pushing you away has nothing to do with anything other than fear. He’s terrified that he won’t be able to keep the walls he’s built around you up for
