He looks heavenward, and I grin. “Don’t make promises to a kid.”
“I didn’t. You did.”
“She doesn’t seem to think that,” I say with a sing-song tone.
Mrs. Symonds watches the two of us with a wishful gaze. “I always hoped I’d see this again. The two of you smiling at each other. Even before you were a couple, you were friends in a way I’ve seen only rarely in all my years. Never had two people who just understood each other.”
I look away, not wanting anything in my eyes to give away the feelings in my heart. I have hoped for us to be this away again too. I waited for so long, and now, we’re here, and it’s all so ... natural.
Declan and I are just enjoying the day together, no pressure, no talking about the past or being lost in old hurt. I never thought I could let myself feel this again. A friendship, anything less than full-blown love, seemed impossible for us.
But now, I see how wrong I was. At the very core of loving him was a deep friendship.
We’ve been playing with Hadley, laughing and joking around, and it is like coming home.
A place where things make sense and the world is spinning correctly.
Declan speaks first. “It’s something I think we are both grateful for as well.”
“Can we please go see the tents now?” Hadley breaks in, her impatience finally winning out.
I’ve never been more appreciative of this kid than I am now. “Yes. We definitely can, and then we can go see the ponies!”
“Great, I’ll go back and get my checkbook,” Declan says with a chuckle.
“You all enjoy yourselves, I have a few vendors to check on,” Mrs. Symonds takes a few steps away and turns back. “Oh, and did you hear who the singer is tonight?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t.”
Her face brightens, and she clasps her hands in front of her chest. “It’s Emily Young! The country singer from Tennessee, who toured with Luke and just won a CMA. It’s just too much. When I wrote to her, I didn’t think it was possible, but then she replied two days ago and, well, I just can’t believe we’re going to have some real talent tonight.”
“That’s wonderful!” I say. At least tonight won’t be a total shit show and Connor and Ellie can have something special.
“Yes, it really is. All right, you three have fun,” Mrs. Symonds says with excitement in her voice.
“We will!” Hadley beams. “Come, Uncle Declan, let’s go shopping and then see the ponies!”
He lifts her into his arms and kisses her nose. “All right, Monster, but then let’s see if we can find something to drive your Aunt Sydney crazy with.”
She laughs while I roll my eyes. The only thing that drives me crazy is the man beside me, and I already know I won’t have him.
Once this house sells, I can finally move on and allow Declan and I a chance at finding our futures.
Ellie and Connor went off to get her something to eat while Declan and I were tasked with finding a spot on the lawn.
It seems everyone in the area heard about Emily Young playing here tonight. Usually, you only find your way to the concert once you’re seriously drunk. It’s better for the ears.
“You think this is a good spot?” he asks.
“I guess so.”
I help him spread out the two blankets we brought and then Declan and I take our seats. “Did you have fun today?”
“I did. It was great spending the day with you and Hadley. She’s truly a great kid.”
He smiles softly. “She is, and it was nice for us to just be able to be friends again.”
“Yeah, I guess we were.”
“I felt …” He starts and then stops.
“Yes?” We shift closer to each other as though it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Declan’s eyes move to my lips and I wonder if he’s going to kiss me again. I want it, even though I shouldn’t, but there’s this sadistic part of me that is always going to crave more. Parts of him are better than nothing, at least that’s what my heart is saying.
My head knows that I will never be content without the whole of him.
“It was like old times.”
Another shift toward each other. “And what did it feel like?”
“Forgiveness.”
My heart is pounding against my chest. I don’t know what any of this means, but I pray it means something.
“Well,” Connor’s voice makes us both freeze. “I guess some things never change.”
“I guess not,” I say, not moving my gaze from his and backing up.
I swear it was there, the want to say more, but what? It could mean that he finally sees that the feelings we have are worth fighting for or it could mean he’s forgiven himself for leaving me and is done.
Declan gets to his feet. “Anyone want a beer?”
What I wouldn’t give for one, but I can’t drink. “I’m good. I’m thinking I need to avoid adding alcohol tonight.”
“I’ll go with you,” Connor says and then looks at me and Ellie. “I figure you two will want to talk.”
“Thank you, babe.” Ellie waves as he leaves and then her eyes are on me. “What the hell was that?”
“Keep your voice down,” I whisper harshly. “It was nothing. We just ... we had a good day today. It was nice, and we didn’t fight or talk about the past or me moving. We had fun with Hadley, and I don’t know, maybe it’s just a place of understanding.”
“Oh, I understand, all right.”
I internally groan and look toward where the guys went. Declan is standing at the beer tent, watching me as well.
I feel as though I’m a yo-yo on a string, and it’s crazy. I’d been so sure about my life until he came back. Now, it’s as though, each time I try to sway one way, I find myself being pulled right back to him.
It’s always him, which is why I tried
