“Once upon a time, a very good friend of mine told me I was being an idiot for letting Connor go. She told me about how she would give anything to have the other half of her heart back.”
I inhaled deeply through my nose and ignore her tone. “Ellie, it’s not that simple.”
“It never is.”
“And what happens if he leaves again? And did you know he bought my damn farm?”
“No. He told no one until the day of your surgery.”
Seems I wasn’t the only one keeping a secret from the people around us.
“Well, even if he told you, I wouldn’t expect you to say anything.”
She squeezes my hand gently. “I still would’ve.”
I have the best friends ever. Between Ellie and Devney, I don’t have to worry about anything. They’ve been here, even though they have their own lives to worry about, and have offered their unwavering support. “Are you feeling okay?” I ask her.
“I’m great. The baby is good, we decided not to find out the sex.”
My eyes widen in surprise. “Uh, what?”
“I didn’t know with Hadley and there was some fun in it. Connor said he was fine to leave it as a surprise. I think he’s worried about the house, Hadley, you, his brothers … we haven’t had time to fret over it. We know he or she is healthy and moving around in there.”
“You’ve felt the baby?” I ask, sitting up just a bit. I’ve been waiting and hoping, but it hasn’t happened.
“Yeah, it started a few weeks ago.”
“Oh,” I can hear the desolation in my tone.
“Syd, I’ve had a baby, so I know what it feels like. Do you get this butterfly type sensation at all? Like something is just … fluttery or bubbly but you can’t tell if it’s indigestion or gas?”
I nod. “Constantly.”
“That’s him!”
“Really?” That’s sort of underwhelming. “I thought it would be more pronounced.”
Ellie laughs. “Oh, it will be. I’m already feeling it more and more. Now that you know, it’ll be more noticeable. At night, when it’s quiet and I’m lying in bed, I feel it most.”
Well, I’ve been in bed forever, and I don’t feel anything all that wondrous.
“I’m happy for you, Els.” She looks at me with a hint of puzzlement on her face. “I mean that you and Connor are happy. You have Hadley, the house, and the baby coming. It’s the life you were always meant to have.”
Ellie releases a breath through her nose. “I’m going to say this with all the love in the world. You’re a dumbass. Declan wants to give you all the same. He bought the farm because he was worried you would regret it and knew that, if he owned it, you wouldn’t lose it. He was by your side not out of obligation but because he couldn’t be away from you. All the things you’ve ever wanted are right in front of you. He’s there, Syd. His arm is outstretched, you just have to take it.”
My heart knows she’s right.
It’s my head that holds the fear, though, and it’s telling me that he’s dropped it before too.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sydney
“Good afternoon, gorgeous,” Declan says as he enters the room. His smile is bright, and he has another bouquet of flowers.
This time, it’s hydrangeas—my favorite.
“Good evening is more like it.”
He leans over and kisses my forehead before putting the flowers next to the other ones he brought. “When you bought the farm, did you also purchase a florist shop?”
“No, why?”
I look over to the row of flowers on the ledge by the window. One is from Connor and Ellie, one is from Jacob, and the other twelve are from Declan.
He laughs. “I just remember you liked flowers.”
“I do, but we’re good now.”
“Noted.”
He throws out the three dead bouquets and then sits in his chair. He left for a few hours to go home, get clean clothes, and get some work files he needed. When I told him he didn’t have to return, he laughed as though I were an idiot and said he’d see me soon.
Soon is now, and I’m in a terrible mood.
The thing is that I missed him.
Even with all his hovering and driving me nuts, I don’t feel alone when he’s here. Sierra is being a mom and doing all the things she neglected when I was in danger, my mother had to go back to work, and everyone else’s lives go on. Which I get, but … I felt the loss of him.
It was so great that I ached.
And then I decided I hated him and myself for being like this again.
Here I am, trying so hard to go slow, feel my way around this situation so I don’t trip and face-plant, and the first second I have to deal with his absence, I crumble.
I’m pathetic and so deeply in love with the man, it isn’t normal.
The doctor knocks on the door and smiles as he looks at the two of us. “Good, you’re both here. I’d like to do another ultrasound, make sure that things with the baby are okay, and if they are, we can start discussing getting you out of here.”
It feels as though the sun is shining for the first time since I opened my eyes. I can see my bean and then hopefully go home.
“Really?” Declan’s voice rises with excitement. “We can see him?”
He missed the first one. Where I was able to see this precious life in my womb.
“Yup,” he says with a grin. “I put the order in and you guys should have someone come get you very soon.”
Declan’s fingers entwine with mine, and he stands as the doctor leaves. “I missed it.”
“Missed what?”
He looks at me, regret and shame in his green eyes. “The first one, when it mattered.”
We have always faced adversity. Nothing in our relationship or lives has come easily, I’ve seen that, but there is
