My breath catches, and that tear falls down my cheek.
He bought my farm.
He knew that, somewhere in my heart, it wasn’t what I wanted, and he bought it. I drop my head into my hands and start to cry harder. It’s all too much. How can he say all this now? Doesn’t he know that my heart has always been his? Can he not see that my life has been waiting for this moment and it’s just too … hard?
“Sydney,” Declan’s fingers wrap around my wrist.
I slowly lift my head and meet his gaze. “You bought my farm.”
“I did.”
“Because you love me.”
“I do.”
“And now you’re saying you want to marry me?”
Declan nods. “Yes. I want to marry you, raise our child, and be a family. I want it all, Syd.”
This big, broken part of me is rejoicing and telling me to leap into his arms and love him for all we are. I have loved this man for so damn long, and this is all I’ve ever wanted. The other part of me, the hurt part that doesn’t trust him, is telling me to tread carefully. Yes, he bought the farm before, but then he let me go when I told him about the baby.
He let me walk away and didn’t come after me.
“Why did you wait so long after the wedding to come for me?”
Declan’s fingers intertwine with mine and regret fills his eyes. “Because I was an idiot. I wanted to chase you that night, but I was so fucked in the head after finding out about the baby. There’s a deep fear in me that I have some of my father in me. I would rather cut myself out of everyone’s life than inflict any harm on a child. I’m not proud of it, but the next morning, when I got my head out of my ass, I was going to you, but Milo told me of the new requirements.”
“I was running away,” I admit. “When you didn’t come for me, I couldn’t handle it. I can’t handle another person abandoning me.”
He rubs his thumb against the top of my hand. “I won’t ever leave you again, Sydney. Watching you lay in this hospital bed for days were the lowest moments of my life.”
This is what scares me. That all of this is drawn from fear. “What about when things get hard? What about when you’re scared again? What about when you delude yourself into thinking you know what’s best for everyone and you push me and the baby away?”
Declan doesn’t say anything for a few moments. We just look at each other. He can deny that he won’t do that, but we know he probably will. His desire to protect the people he loves always wins out, and he’s usually wrong.
I can’t pretend to believe otherwise.
“I didn’t make the decision because I thought you were going to die.”
“Do you understand why I don’t fully believe you?”
Declan nods and then gets to his feet so he can cup my face. “I’m not asking for you to suddenly trust me. I’ve done a lot of things to prove otherwise.” He brings his lips to mine in a soft kiss. “But I love you, Sydney, and I’m going to marry you. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week or even next month, but one day, you’re going to be my wife, even if it means I have to chase you to the ends of the earth.”
My heart pounds against my chest as I stare into Declan’s eyes. “And if I keep running?”
He grins down as though he’s really hoping that’s the case. “Then I hope you never take a break because I’m ready for a marathon.”
Well, then … I better get my rest so I can make it out of the gate.
“And how long until you’re able to go home?” Ellie asks.
It’s another day of physical therapy and they are rubbing my legs. They hurt so badly from the extra strain on my muscles. It’s been tough this week. They’re pushing me harder, forcing my body to do more each day, and with the slight pain from the surgery—it sucks.
“Hopefully the end of the week.”
“And what are you going to do? You can’t go home alone. Please come stay with Connor and me,” she urges.
I love her, but there is no chance in hell that’s happening. Their house is in total shambles since the construction on their new home is just about done, they just got married, and they have an eight-year-old running around. I love Hadley, but her energy levels probably won’t help my recovery.
“Thank you, Els, but I’ll just go to Sierra’s if I have to.”
“No! You can’t!”
“Why?”
“Because my brother-in-law will die. And a dead Arrowood is really not something I’d like to deal with.” Her smile is wide.
“I doubt he’ll die.”
She laughs once and then sighs. “No, but Connor might kill him.”
My head tilts to the side as I wait for further explanation.
“When you were … sleeping … Declan was beside himself. I have never seen anyone so devoted to anything as Declan was trying to get you to wake. He talked to you almost constantly, and he just wouldn’t give up.”
I’ve heard this so many times that I can’t help but believe it, but I don’t fully trust it. Declan has proven me wrong time and time again. He’s failed me when it mattered most, and he has a bad habit of pulling away when he thinks it’s best.
There isn’t a part of my heart that doesn’t believe he has good intentions, but the sudden decision to repair our relationship has me most worried.
“It’s not that I
