However, I know that isn’t going to happen.
It’s also the coward’s way out, and I’m not a coward.
“You made your choice.”
“I told you what happened,” he replies. “I know you don’t forgive me, and honestly, you shouldn’t, but I’m going to make it up to you.”
I breathe heavily and try to slow my racing heart. He has no idea how much I want this to all be true. But I think his promise is coming from a place of fear, and once I’m out of the hospital, he will take it all back and leave again.
“You don’t have to do this.” My voice is soft and strained.
“Do what?”
I open my eyes and let him see the truth there. “You don’t have to stay here out of obligation.”
He flinches and moves closer, eyes never leaving mine. “Is that what you think? That I’m here because I feel obligated to be?” His voice is low. “Because that’s the furthest thing from the truth.”
My pulse is rapid because he’s close enough for me to smell his cologne. “I don’t know what the truth is.”
“Are you ready to have this discussion? Because I am trying not to push you and let you recover without adding to your stress.”
I wish that were possible, but my stress levels aren’t going down without this discussion. If anything, I can’t seem to think about anything else. Why is he here? What does he want? When will he leave? And how the hell will I endure all of this?
But those answers can’t come from me.
“I think we have to.”
Declan crouches so his face is right in front of mine. “I was coming for you, Sydney. I was late, I know I was, and I’m so, so sorry, but I’m here now.”
“For how long, Dec?”
“Forever.”
I sit, staring at him, waiting for him to laugh or smile or something, but he doesn’t.
“Forever?” I ask. Maybe I heard him wrong. Maybe there is some weird side effect from the coma that is making me hear things that aren’t real.
“I’m not leaving. I’m not going back to New York City, not unless you’re with me, and if I have to stay in Sugarloaf or wherever you go, I’ll do that. You see, I lived eight years without you in my life. I existed by thinking that you were happy, better off without me, and I can’t exist that way anymore.”
“You can’t?”
“No.” His hand lifts and his palm settles on my cheek. “No, I can’t.”
I try to force myself to swallow and then pull in a deep breath. “You say this now, but why?”
“Do you know why I didn’t make it to the appointment? What it was that I had to do in the city?”
I shake my head.
“Well, there was this thing I was buying, and it became really difficult out of nowhere. I had time—or, I thought I did, but the seller changed their mind.”
Anger starts to build, and I can’t hold it back. He missed the appointment, not because of something important or an emergency. No, it was because he was buying something he wanted. I don’t know why he thought this wasn’t going to be no big deal.
“So, you left me and missed the appointment to see our son over something you were buying?”
“Well, the buyer made an unrealistic demand that I needed to move the date up by a month.”
I roll my eyes. “And this is supposed to make me feel, what? Bad for you?”
“You’re asking the wrong questions, Syd.”
I cross my arms over my chest and fight back the urge to flip him off. “Well, then why don’t you tell me what I should ask.”
He grins. “What was I buying?”
Because this conversation is exhausting and I’m not getting anywhere, I play his game. “Fine. What were you buying?”
“Your farm.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sydney
Did he just say my farm?
“What?” I ask on a haggard breath.
“I’m the buyer for your farm.”
I blink a few times, waiting for him to correct himself, but he doesn’t. This entire thing is so confusing. “I don’t understand.”
The property just went under contract a week ago. Before he knew about the baby or we slept together the second time. It doesn’t make any sense.
Declan moves closer and his hand drops to mine. My chest feels tight. “Milo called me when you were going to take the deal with that company, and I knew it was wrong. I couldn’t imagine you not living in Sugarloaf, and I couldn’t handle the thought that your farm, the pond, the barn, the property line where we used to meet, wouldn’t be yours. I knew that I was the reason you were leaving, and I couldn’t let you lose anything else because of me.”
My lip trembles as I feel the honesty in his words. “That was all before …”
“Before the baby. Before the night we shared. Before all of this.”
He should’ve told me. I wouldn’t have let him do it. “Declan …” Tears fill my vision, and I fight to hold them back.
“No, Syd, let me say this, please. I told you ten times when you were in the coma, but I need you to hear it now that you’re awake too. I love you. I love you for the memories we made and the ones I want us to make. I wasn’t running away from you, I was chasing you. I was buying the farm because I knew it was what would make you happy. I left you all those years ago because I didn’t want to weigh you down with the baggage I’d bring. Everything I’ve done has been with you in my heart. And now …” He pauses and his head shakes. “Now, I can’t leave you. Not because we’re having a baby but because I can’t live without you. And if I could, I wouldn’t
