How could I not have known my pixie was so sick? For that matter her keeping something so simple from me.
Nodding I sit on the arm of the chair behind me, running my hands through my hair I clench it between my fingers.
Clenching my eyes shut I let out an agonizing cry. My heart shattering as everything sinks in.
My pixie is dying.
“Chaz, I know your hurting but right now isn’t the time, you need to be strong for that little one,” Jamie’s grandmother says softly as she places her arms around me.
“I don’t know if I can,” I mumble.
“You can, you have us right here with you. Granted I don’t agree with my granddaughter keeping such information from any of us, I know she’d want you to be strong for your child,” she says hugging me.
“Grandma’s right, as stupid as her decision was I can kinda understand it. Daddy was the only one who matched her and finding a donor is extremely hard to do. It was something we both feared when our parents died. If my sister knew she’d relapsed she swore she’d never let it keep her from living as long as she could. That’s what she’s done. Keeping this a secret allowed her to enjoy life the best she could. Even if in pain.” Alexis begins to sob as she finishes talking.
We all grow quiet at the knock on the door. I hadn’t even realized Doctor Taylors left the room.
“Come in,” Alexis calls out.
A nurse pops her head in looks towards me, “Would you like to be in there with us to see your baby born?” she asks.
Clearing my throat, giving her a nod, I stand. “Yeah I would,” I say.
“Okay come on we will get you scrubbed up and ready. Doctor Taylors is ready,” she informs me.
Without another word I follow her, not prepared for this but needing to do it all the same.
My child was about to enter this world. I should feel ecstatic about it yet all I feel is devastation.
Time seems to be at a standstill yet everything around me seems to move in a blur. The nurse who came to get me gives me a sad smile as she knows what’s going on. Following her instructions, I wash up and put the scrubs she hands me on. Putting the cap over my hair and the mask over my mouth I’m finally allowed into the OR with them.
The nurse informs me I can sit by Jamie’s head.
Glancing at my Pixie’s face she looks so peaceful. The monitor connected to her beeps showing she has a heartbeat.
Leaning forward, I press my lips against her forehead through the mask. “It’s gonna be okay Pixie. Just hold on for me,” I all but beg.
Voices surround us in the background as the doctor and nurses work to bring my baby into the world.
I don’t know how much time passes before a wailing cry fills the room.
“Chaz, you’re the proud father of a little girl,” Doctor Taylors says gently as she holds the baby up for me to see.
All of a sudden, I remember she wasn’t due for a few more weeks. “Is she okay?” I ask in a panic.
“So far so good, we’ll take her to the nursery and have her checked out by another doctor,” Doctor Taylors informs me.
“Okay,” I say nodding my head, glancing back at Jamie.
Just then the monitor’s noise changes, and I’m rushed out of the room.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“She’s flatline sir, were going to try and get her back,” a nurse says.
My knees give out under me and I fall to the floor.
She’s gone.
The door opens sometime later, and Doctor Taylors comes out with another doctor I hadn’t even noticed before now.
“I’m sorry Chaz, we couldn’t get her back,” Doctor Taylors whispers.
“She’s gone,” I murmur.
“Yes, she’s gone.” Doctor Taylor confirms my words before clearing her throat. “Chaz this is Doctor Meyers, Jamie’s Oncologist. He can answer any questions you may have.”
“The only question I have can’t be answered,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Jamie spoke highly of you. In fact, I have something for you she asked me to hand you only if she didn’t make it.” Doctor Meyers pulls two envelopes out of his coat pocket. “I brought these with me just in case,” he says.
“Thank you.” Taking the envelopes from him I put them in my back pocket. I can’t look at them right now.
“How about I get one of the nurses to show you to your daughter and Doctor Meyers and I will inform the others?” Doctor Taylors suggests.
“Okay,” I say numb to their words.
A minute later I’m being shown to the nursery where my daughter is. The moment the nurse attending to her places her in my arms I let the first tear fall.
“My beautiful Melody,” I say her name for the first time knowing that was what my Pixie wanted to name our daughter.
Melody, it suits her.
A mixture of feelings fills me as I hold my little girl. Pride, love, and sorrow.
Closing my eyes, I pull Melody closer to me as I begin to sing to her the song I’d written for her mother.
A dark lullaby. A song written out of love only to end in a demon’s sorrow.
Epilogue
Chaz
2 weeks later
They say there’s a light at the end of a dark tunnel. I call bullshit. I buried my light, it burned out a week ago. I want
