Utterly lost he frowns at me. “Trying to?”
“You never…” I can’t finish the sentence.
You never thought about me?
You never wanted me?
You never saw us together?
“I never what, Ceels?”
“What if I said I had feelings for you, Atlas?”
He steps back, horror in his eyes. “Oh shit, don’t say that. No way. C’mon, you’re ruining me. Don’t fuckin’ tell me that.”
Sean comes around the corner and sees us standing here. Me, mortified. Atlas, like he wants to run.
Sean’s footsteps slow as curiosity takes hold. “Oh hey, if I’m interrupting something.”
I turn on my heel to escape. The front door slams behind me and Sage pokes her head out of the grand parlor. “What happened to you? Get caught in a storm? Hey Celia! Ceels?”
CHAPTER 20
SEAN
A tlas covers his head with his hands, cussing every swear word I’ve ever heard.
I push wet hair out of my eyes. “What did you say to her? You hurt her?”
“Could never hurt Celia. You don’t understand.” Motioning to the house with a violent wave, he growls, “You can’t ever get what this is, Sean, so don’t act all protective! I’m her fuckin’ family!” He explodes away, running deep into the front of their property.
Fuck it, I’ll follow him.
“Atlas!” I break into a sprint, tackle him, rolling in a heap of resistance on the crunchy, dried grass. “What happened with Celia!”
He shoves me off him, leaps up, evasive skills honed to perfection. “Fuck off.”
“You need someone to talk to! Use me! I won’t tell anyone!”
He snorts. “Yeah right.”
“Atlas, if someone tells me something in confidence it stays with me! Even you said I was too honest. You think I’m gonna start lying now? As long as nobody gets hurt, I’ll keep it to myself.”
Glaring from the corners of his eyes he tests me, “If you’re so honest…anyone here told you anything that I don’t know?”
I cock my head. “How would I know if you know it?”
“Any secrets?!”
“Honesty and giving away a secret are two separate things. I will own up to anything I’ve done, but I won’t snitch.”
He flinches, a tortured look crossing over him right before he shouts, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Pacing, he gnaws on his tongue, needing to talk even though Atlas doesn’t believe anyone is safe. He’s a snitch. Hard to trust other people aren’t when you can’t trust yourself.
“What do you need me to do?” I ask.
He locks onto me. “If I confess this shit to you, are you like a priest? You won’t say a word to anyone?”
“Carry it to the grave as long as nobody’s life is in danger.”
He squats down, everything wet, his fingers twitching as he stares at his demons. “Celia just told me that she has feelings for me.”
I swallow, and suspense twists a knife in my gut as I listen to Atlas unload his side of the story. What he did to Luke, why, what provoked it. It’s intense and layered with details Celia doesn’t know about. Nobody in the house does, either. His need to unleash the burden has him sharing the whole truth, and it’s all I can do not to sneer.
He rises up, searching my eyes with desperation in his. “You can’t ever tell Ceels. She’ll never forgive me. It’ll hurt her.” At my frown he urges me, “Promise!”
Holding my hand up like swearing on a Bible in a court, I give him my word. “I don’t want to hurt Celia.”
“You see how it would?”
“Yeah, but…it had nothing to do with her.”
“Right!” He shakes his head, walking back and forth. “I had no idea she had feelings for me! She’s like my big sister, Sean! It’s just…I could never. Especially now, right? Don’t you see how fucked up this is?”
“Yes, but this is between you, Luke, and Sofia Sol and that’s it. Celia wasn’t involved with anything that happened. If you were aware of how she felt, that would be different. But this wasn’t malicious, intentional, nothing. She’s not involved.”
He eyes me. “Yeah?”
“How does it have anything to do with her?”
He gnaws on the question, staring off. Finally he meets my eyes. “It doesn’t. This was my fuck up. I don’t need to take more people down with me than I already have.”
I nod. “It’s really that simple.”
His dark eyelashes drop to the ground and he nods, too, accepting the decision to keep his business his. It’ll be a badge of dishonor he has to wear alone.
As we head back to their plantation together he mutters, “Luke’s coming home soon.”
“That’s gonna be rough.”
He exhales, “Yup,” and we don’t speak the rest of the way. The movie is not happening, I know that. I’ll be surprised if we see Celia for the rest of tonight.
As grass crunches with every footstep I realize that I’ll keep an eye on Atlas, and never let him get too close.
CHAPTER 21
C ELIA
A tlas finds me on the front porch after dinner. “Ceels, can we talk?”
Glancing to my lap I shrug, “Have a seat.”
“Brought you a slice of pie.” He sets blueberry with whipped cream deliciousness on my knee and I grab it before it tips.
“Thank you. Where’s the fork?”
“Ah shit,” he mutters, raking back his hair. After a beat he reaches into his back pocket and produces one. “Ta da!”
On a reluctant smile I roll my eyes. “You’re an idiot.”
“Which is why it makes no sense for you to be into me.” He leans forward while I swirl my discomfort into the whipped cream with the fork.
“It’s fine, Atlas, let’s not talk about it, okay?”
“I don’t know how you can even feel that way but it’s a bad idea.”
After a moment I sigh, “Felt that way.”
He blinks. “What?”
Tucking one leg under me I set the pie down. “I’ve been thinking about it, how I blurted that out, how you reacted. Just sitting out here by myself going over it all, because I wasn’t that hurt when you shot me down. Embarrassed, yeah, very. But I wasn’t depressed or needing to cry. It was
