He stops, takes my chin in hand, his warm brown eyes sparkling in the low light.
“I admire you, Maddie.”
Tingles drift as I blink at him. To hear that when there are a slew of women out there right now who mistakenly think I’m evil, is a gift I don’t have words for. He leans down to kiss me—just a brief pressing of his kind lips to my grateful ones.
As Piedmont Park spreads out for us and we find a trail we like, I feel kinda proud all of a sudden.
I just stood up for myself.
Not against him.
But for me.
There is such a difference.
It’s empowering to take back control of my life, and make choices that will help me get past what Mr. Schweis did to me. After weeks of depression, feeling like a victim, I’ve snapped out of it.
Those unanswered applications for nanny positions were heart-breaking. The temp agency flat-out telling me not to call them again, killed me. It wasn’t until I talked to some Mrs. Jacoby on the phone did I realize I was shut out by the group of them on purpose.
To think of all those people gossiping about me with untruths was debilitating.
A slide into darkness was inevitable at that point. I’m human. I have a heart. Unlike that man.
But I don’t have to stay down.
And I only realize that now, after Nicholas was offering to bail me out, be my knight in shining armor.
Part of me screamed, Let him do it! Thank God I’m not alone!
But a quieter part, a truer part, spoke up, too. Not in loud shrieks, but in whispers. If you do that, you won’t feel good about yourself. You can handle anything life throws at you. Maddie, what if you fixed this on your own? Had his support in other ways?
The whispers felt right.
CHAPTER 36
N ICHOLAS
M adison, Bucky and I turn a dark corner on a sandy path, and nearly collide into two guys. The one standing has his back to us and the other is on his knees blowing him, hands digging into a narrow, naked ass.
The receiver hears our surprise approach, looks back, locks eyes with me and cries out, “Nicholas! Holy shit!”
I step back in shock.
Matthew pulls his pants up in a hurry, the other guy leaping upright, wiping his lips as blue eyes dart between me and my thunderstruck best friend. “Oh fuck, is this your boyfriend?”
With barely a whispered, “Can you just go now?” Matt zips and buttons up, staring into darkness.
The guy hurriedly takes off. I blink at him as he glances back once and breaks into a run.
Maddie runs her hand down my arm. “Nicholas?”
Slack-jawed, I stutter, “What the fuck, Matt? I mean, what the fuck?!!”
“It’s not what it looked like.”
Shouting, “Oh, you weren’t just getting blown by that guy?” I take two steps forward. “Don’t lie to me!”
Matthew covers his head and starts to cry. I mean, really fucking wail. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! Don’t hit me! Please don’t hit me!”
I blink at him, confused, guilty, pissed, and all of it is intense. I glance to Madison, searching for help, and she motions for me to go to him.
Pulling my sobbing friend into my arms, I tell him, “Hey hey hey, stop it. I’d never hit you, are you crazy? Why’d you even say that? I’m not disgusted, you idiot! I’m fucking stunned. What the hell, Matt? I mean…why…the fuck…didn’t you tell me you were gay? Or, are you bi? What is going on here? I’m lost, buddy, explain it to me!”
His tears don’t stop though. My best friend, practically my brother, is shaking with sobs, literally wilting, knees buckling so badly it’s a struggle to hold him up.
Tightening my grip, I glance to Madison whose arms are crossed, head down as she watches. She gives me a sad but encouraging nod.
“Matthew, cut it out, man. I still love you. I’m not ashamed of you! And I’d never hit you, ever! Stop crying! You’re okay. It’s gonna be alright, cut it out.”
It’s like he can’t hear me.
The guy is a wreck.
Dead weight in my arms.
We kneel to the ground because he’s too heavy this way and I don’t have the energy after realizing he’s been withholding this secret from me.
After what seems like forever he runs out of saline, just whimpers. I sit back on my heels and let him go. He won’t look at me, one arm wrapped around his head to cover his face. “I’m so sorry, Nicholas.”
“Yeah, me too. I wish you’d have told me.”
“I wanted to. So many times.”
Frowning pretty hard, I’m chewing the inside of my lip with confusion. The years are sliding by me and even as I look back I can’t pinpoint where I could have suspected he was into guys. Not all gay men are flamboyant. Everyone knows that—but not only does he come off as masculine, his interest in women was convincing.
“You were really good at hiding this, Matt.”
“Yeah,” he croaks.
I force a tense laugh, “Come on, you fucker. Look at me.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t!”
Peeling his forearm down I joke, “And here I thought you were asking about Zoe’s virginity because you want to pick that cherry.”
He bursts out laughing, and shakes his head, glancing over to meet my eyes for the first time since he saw us walking up. “She’s safe around me.”
“Guess so.” I drag a hand through my hair, trying to get my brain around this. “Did you think I’d stop being your friend?”
He nods, wiping his face. But, glancing to Madison, he grimaces with fresh pain. She hurries over and squats down by us, touching his shoulder as she reassures him, “You get to love who you love, don’t you know that? You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Tell that to my father!”
I stare at Matt. “That’s why he was beating you?
