Unencumbered, Stacy fixes her hair with tentative fingers. I’m sure she’s wondering why she came here, maybe even second-guessing it. But each step keeps moving forward and not back. That’s all I can ask for.
“There you go, Celia.” I set the stroller down. “Have you ever seen a faun before?”
“I haven’t brought her down here yet. Those stairs aren’t easy when you’re alone. Especially getting back up. I guess I didn’t have the strength that day,” she quietly says.
“Was it after I said to meet me?”
Her lips flatten. “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t show up. Were you here?”
“For a week. I would have waited longer, but I thought perhaps I was missing you walking by my apartment and so I decided to stay there instead. I’ve been there every day since in that exact spot hoping that you would come by. I know that sounds probably crazy, but I kept hoping.”
“Tonk, I wanted to come. But I—” Celia cuts her off by becoming fussy, letting her momma know that she would like to come out and see the world, thank you very much!
Stacy walks around the stroller to pick her up, and in so doing, offers me a view that tightens my chest. Behind her glasses I see a fresh bruise she’d been hiding by walking on one side of me, and turning her head, this whole time.
She lifts Celia onto her chest and murmurs to her, bouncing on the balls of her sneakers. How could he hit her when all I want to do is bring her close to me and protect her? Immediately I want to demand his name, where he is, so I can hurt him back.
But talking to her is like making friends with a deer. Caution wins and I work to slow my heartbeat so that my tone doesn’t come off aggressively. The last thing she needs right now is aggression.
Relaxed, she smiles at Celia and points to the sculpture, but then Stacy freezes, realizing I’m on her right side now. Her head turns and we stare at each other.
I gently remove the glasses. Tears of shame liquefy her eyes. “You don’t have to hide from me.”
Celia starts fidgeting, kicking her legs. Stacy caresses the soft scalp, her gaze never faltering from mine. “I’m scared, Tonk. I’m really scared.”
My throat is so tight it’s hard to speak. “I’m glad you came to me. I can help. I want to.”
“You don’t know me. You don’t know him. He is not like you.”
“Are you saying I’m scrawny?” I smile.
A teardrop slips down her cheek. “When he gets angry, he’s impossible to predict.”
I guide her closer to the statute so that Celia has something to touch. Tiny fingers slap the iron bear’s nose as I slide the glasses back on Stacy before the approaching tourists get a peek.
Sniffling, she looks at her daughter. “That’s a bear. That’s his nose. See, you have one to.” She touches it then touches the bear’s, to teach her daughter. “Nose.”
The tourists chat down the path and pause to admire the famous statue. “What a beautiful child,” the woman smiles.
“Thank you,” Stacy says, her smile tight. Our postures suggest we want to be left alone so the tourists take the hint and keep walking. “I’m just glad they weren’t the type that has to take a picture everywhere they go.”
Matching her low volume I agree and add, “Maybe they’ve already seen it. They might be staying at a hotel up the street. They didn’t look like they were that interested, and this is a spot that everyone comes to when they’re in Morningside.”
Celia starts poking at the bear’s eye. “That’s his eye. You have them, too.” Stacy points to her daughter’s set and again at the statue’s. “Eyes, can you say eyes?” Looking at me she explains, “She hasn’t started speaking yet. I think she said mom the other day but that might’ve been wishful thinking. I’ve been hoping she would say Dad first so he didn’t get jealous.” Stacy’s voice catches on that last part and I can’t help it, I have to draw her into a hug.
“Do you want out? Is that why you came to me? I will help you if you want me to.”
Her shoulders shake while she desperately tries to keep the tears at bay. It’s the middle of the afternoon and those weren’t the only people walking by. Sobs hover in her voice as she whispers, “I was afraid he would…kill me last night. He said he wanted to and he might while I was sleeping. I didn’t close my eyes all night.”
Rage twists my soul. She needs a promise which I am ready to give. “I’ll make him go away.”
CHAPTER 8
STACY
A s I unlock the apartment that I share with a man who threatened my life, my spirit is weak against hope.
I heard what Tonk said back there.
But there is no way out of here.
If I try to leave, Vic will stop me.
He covets hate and scarcity in his heart.
Ever since I was a little girl I hoped I would find someone who would love me until the end. I think all little girls want that ideal. We want to be princesses and find our princes, or princesses. It is absolutely without a doubt the most wonderful fantasy to nurture, to be with someone who has your back through everything, who creates and shares all the best memories with you so that you can enjoy them that much more. And it should be a reality, if only so many variables weren’t involved when real life comes into play.
None of our fantasies include being threatened or injured by our prince or princess. None of us is dreaming of our self-esteem wilting into nothing until we are crushed and no longer believe we are lovable.
No little girl has that dream.
There is so much beauty in the world yet I can no longer
