She flatly says, “What am I doing,” more stubborn statement than question.
“You’re riling me up until I explode, revealing my real underlying problem, thereby elucidating everything I’ve been hiding even from myself!”
“Only from yourself.”
“Oh, so you know what’s really going on?”
“It’s much easier to see from the outside.”
“What’s going on then?!”
She pets Sally. “You tell me, Lexi. They’re your secrets.”
I gasp, beyond annoyed, “They’re my… Oh wow, you are really pushing it. How about this? I’m going to The Local.”
Her gaze lifts.
Zoe appears, holding Ralphie. “I was just bringing him in so he wasn’t lonely. We’re going out?”
“I’m going out. You want to come?”
“Yes.” She kisses the cotton-ball. “Sorry Ralphie.”
Samantha sets down Sally with a stifled smile, “Let me just get changed.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
LEXI
F rom the backseat Zoe asks, “Do you want to drive by Gage’s house on the way?”
“Hell no!” Through the rearview our green eyes lock. “My Brad-games are over.” I focus on Ponce De Leon Avenue, muttering, “And it’s not on the way.”
“It’s not far,” she argues, “and I was only suggesting something the old Lexi would’ve done.”
Samantha agrees from the passenger seat, “You can’t blame her,” now dressed in a blue jeans dress to match those shoes I retrieved from my ex cheating professor’s bedroom.
“Honestly, I don’t know how I ever dated that guy.”
“You said it was the thrill of the chase. And there was a lot of chasing, Lexi. For years I covered for you two.”
“Are you as glad as I am that it’s over?”
“Yes!” We glance to the huge old Krispy Kreme shop as we pass it, silently agreeing not to stop for a donut even though it’s tempting.
We’re on a mission.
“You know, it’s crazy because I pulled Gage off that barstool out of retaliation.”
“Retaliation and the thrill of leaving with a hot guy you’d never met.”
“Right! See? You get me. But then when we got to the parking lot, we almost didn’t go through with it.”
Zoe cries out, “What?” more shocked than I’d expect her to be.
Sam freaks out, slapping the armrest, “You didn’t tell us this! You mean you both actually considered bailing?”
I correct her, “It wasn’t bailing,” slowing into an empty middle turn-lane for a sharp left into The Local’s driveway. I’m the only one noticing how crammed the front patio is with Atlantans out for a much-needed Friday night. “He knew I was only trying to make Brad furious, so we talked about that being the end of it. Just a fun stunt.”
Samantha bounces backward in her seat. “Wow! And here I thought you just drove off and fucked his brains out.”
“I did.” Navigating my way past the building and into its wonky parking lot, I add a distracted, “Eventually,” while searching for a certain blood-red Bronco.
Zoe says it first. “It’s not here.”
Sam sighs, “I noticed that, too,” glancing to me. “I just don’t understand why he disappeared! At the BBQ you guys were having such a great time. He fit right in! It was perfect.”
“Oh God, please stop saying that. You’re killing me.” Putting the car in park, I grip the steering wheel. “We didn’t come because I thought he’d be here.”
My sister tilts her head, “Come on,” brown eyes filled with the belief that I’m full of shit and won’t confess it.
Yanking the ignition off, insisting with a weary, “I didn’t,” my gaze is locked on where he and I flirted that first night. There’s a white Honda with too many bumper stickers, in the spot. I want to peel them off and replace them with a topless Bronco.
Samantha was about to get out, but drops the handle, turning to me. “Lexi, I think it’s a bad idea for us to go inside. All you’re going to do is think about Gage.”
“Sammy’s right, Lexi. Why don’t we go somewhere new? I mean, new-ish. We know everywhere.”
Sam agrees, “Yeah, we know all the good places,” tapping on the armrest while staring off into possibilities. “We could go—”
“—We’re staying here.”
She looks at me. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m calling him.”
They bolt upright so fast our car jolts. “You are?!”
Digging my phone from my clutch is a struggle, fingers shaking and weak. Opening the lock screen, I tap into my favorites-list, and throw a rueful glance to foufy-headed Zoe. “You were right, Zo. I need to give him one encouraging call. Only one! And not just for him, but for me, too. I need to know that I tried. And if he’s gone, if it’s over, I won’t have to wonder anymore. It’s the wondering that’s a killer.”
Our sweet cousin reaches around to clasp my arm with encouragement. “It’s better to know.”
Sam’s fingers are tense on the armrest even as she controls her voice to appear calm. “You waited nearly a week. That’s plenty of time. Now it’s good to know where you stand.”
I mutter, “It’s kinda obvious where I stand,” and almost dial, but stop, crashing the phone to my chest. “Oh God! I’m scared!”
Zoe whispers, “I would be, too.”
“Yeah, that’s not helping.”
She adjusts to be closer. “But you’re braver than I am, Lexi.”
Sammy grabs onto the dashboard like we’re flying down a hill. “You can do this Lex!”
I lock eyes with each of them, take a deep breath. “Thanks guys. Here we go.” The screen locked under its own apparent impatience, so I unlock it again, and stare at his nickname.
Crocodiles.
Ribs feel too tight.
My heart is gonna break ‘em.
Throat is closing.
The phone smashes into my cleavage. “I can’t.”
Sam and Zoe frown, and as I look for them to tell me Fuck it, let’s get out of here, instead I see it in their eyes, my fall from the pedestal.
Strength, rebellion, courage, and yes, even stupidity. That’s me. Sometimes to risk everything for something greater than you have, people might
