I wipe the tears from Van’s cheeks and hold his face in my hands. “That’s good, though. Isn’t it?”
He stares at me, eyes wide. “What if I don’t know how? What if I’ve wasted my chance at a life by focusing completely on something that my brother never wanted?”
I shake my head. “You’re forgetting the rest. That Underwood was coming for you. It doesn’t matter if you swore to avenge him or not, Underwood was going to make that happen eventually.”
“My brother sent you to us,” he whispers. “I thought it was because of my promise, but I see now that I was wrong.” He laughs ruefully. “I should have known better. My brother could always see the future, and I never let him tell me anything. I never listened. He didn’t send you because of my promise…”
“Then why did he send me to you?”
“He knew you would save us.” He laughs again and shakes his head. “I’m such an idiot. Ever since you came here, since that moment we met outside the tailor’s shop, I’ve been fighting you. But Tobias knew. He told me you would end the evil. I always thought the Nightbird would come to help us end the vampire—end that evil. Not the evil that has consumed us all these years—consumed me.”
“Van…”
He touches my cheek. “I’ve been on a collision course with you since that first time I laid eyes on you. It’s like a car crash between us. It’s happening in slow motion. I can see it coming. I know I’m going to collide and I don’t know how to stop it.”
“Maybe you’re not supposed to stop it. Maybe you should stop fighting so hard,” I say.
He looks at me, and in his eyes I can see everything laid out plain and open. Van doesn’t know how to do this. He’s not used to being vulnerable. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I don’t think I know how to do that.”
“I can help. If you’ll let me,” I whisper.
He leans over and kisses me gently, a soft press of his lips on mine. It’s like he’s asking a question. He pulls away and I’m speechless, stunned by his tenderness.
Van looks me in the eye, his face is soft and open, he’s trying so hard. “Can you forgive me for being so awful to you? I want to know you, Joely. I want you to know me. If it isn’t too late?”
“Oh, Van… it’s never too late.” I kiss him back, giving him his answer. “Never. Not ever too late.”
Chapter Nineteen
VAN
I can’t believe I am with Joely. I keep opening my eyes to make sure I’m not dreaming; lord knows I’ve imagined this enough times. But she’s here. She’s real and she’s here in my bed. With me. For me.
I feel like a fool for everything I have done to her, to Angus and Marco, too. My logical brain knows that we had to destroy Underwood. My logical brain knows that it would have happened eventually and no amount of planning on my end could have changed that fact. But the other part of me feels like a fool for wasting so much time, so many years, consumed by this need to make good on my promise to my brother.
Tobias came to me. I am sure I was delirious with blood loss and pain, but I know it was him. His spirit came to me and wrapped itself around me and told me all the things I should have told him all those years ago. In my moment of need, he came through where I couldn’t. I can’t fix what I said. I can’t go back and make his death the peaceful moment it should have been. But maybe there’s a way forward now that I know my brother doesn’t hold it against me.
Joely straddles me and bends to kiss me, pressing her hands into my chest for balance. She tastes sweet and clean, her tongue explores mine with a dainty curiosity. I press my hands into her hips. Holding her down against my erection. She smiles and bites her lip as she grinds down on top of me.
She takes off her shirt, shaking out her hair which falls over her shoulders and covers her breasts. I brush her hair aside and sit up, unclasping her bra and cupping her breast, taking her nipple into my mouth. Her skin is so warm, and she smells so good, I don’t know how I thought it was okay to keep her at a distance. I trace a finger along the edges of her raven mark, kissing the black wings and then moving back to her breasts.
“Thank you,” I say as I move my hands over her ribcage, touching every contour of her frame.
She laughs softly. “For what?”
“For being here. For letting me…”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know what it is that brought me to you and your brothers. I don’t think I’ll ever know. I’m still learning all there is to learn about this magical life. But it’s like you said the other day…”
I try to recall our past conversations and none of them make me feel good.
“We were fighting. I yelled at you and said that I don’t belong to you.”
I press a finger to her lips. “Don’t. We don’t have to rehash that.”
She pulls my hand away and smiles. “But that’s just it. I do belong to you. I belong to Marco and Angus, and I belong to you. I
