"I have – I just need to go," I blurt out. I can feel the tears pricking the back of my eyes. I need to get out of here. What happened to him? What am I going to do now? Is this my punishment, for going out into the world and doing something like this? Whatever happened to my father, I should have been there to stop it, should have been close by to make sure that it didn’t happen.
"I can drive you where you need to be," he assures me. "Just give me a second, okay–"
"It’s okay, my dad’s closest friend is coming for me," I reply. I already sent off a message to Todd, asking him to pick me up at the compound we’re in now.
It means that he’s going to know just what I have been up to out here, but honestly, I don’t give a damn. All that I care about is seeing my father again, making sure that he’s going to be all right. And I know my dad is like a father to Todd, so I know he must be a wreck too.
"Please, Spring," Shotgun begs me, but I can barely look at him right now.
"I’m sorry," I tell him, knowing I can’t tell him more because he will want to come with me. And he can’t. It’s the last thing my father would want. "I – I have to go. I’ll... speak to you soon, okay?"
"If you need anything," he murmurs, and he grabs my hand, squeezes it tight. “I can come with you.”
I close my eyes. Some part of me wants to throw myself into his arms, let him comfort and hold me, but I manage to contain myself. That’s not going to do my father any good. I have to go.
The last thing my father would want is to see a biker at his hospital bedside.
I hurry to the door and, by the time that I get outside, Todd is just pulling around the corner in his cruiser. He looks me up and down as I climb in, and I can tell that he has a whole lot of questions about where I have been and who I have been with.
"What happened?" I ask him at once.
"Car crash," Todd replies, putting the cruiser back in gear and pulling away quickly. Honestly, I don’t blame him – cop cars probably aren’t too welcome around these parts.
"He’s been transferred to the emergency unit at the hospital in Denver," he explains. "We’ll need to fly out there as soon as we can."
"How bad is it?" I ask him. I am not even sure I want the answer to that question, but I know that I need to hear it. Todd grimaces.
"It’s bad," he replies. He falls silent for a moment, and when he speaks again, his voice has a different tone.
"So, that’s where your friend from work lives?" he demands. He sounds pissed. Honestly, I don’t have the energy to handle this right now.
"No," I admit. "It’s... a guy. A guy I’ve been seeing."
"What?" Todd snaps back. "I thought we were meant to be together..."
"Todd, please, not now," I beg him. I can’t handle this. I can’t deal with this. I just need to see my father. To understand how bad this really is, how much I really have to fear.
"Guys like that, they spend all their time at the Pink Pussy," he mutters. "Those gangs are a plague on this city, you know that, right?"
"I know," I reply, too exhausted to argue with him. I can’t believe that this is happening. I can still feel Shotgun’s hand on my thigh, the way that his fingers seemed to burn into my skin as though he was branding me with something that I was never going to get away from.
Even though I know that I am doing the right thing, it hurts to be away from him. I can already feel that pull back to his bed, to his arms once more.
I know that Todd hates men like him. But he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know him like I do. I can see something in Shotgun, something that I have never seen in anyone before – something that draws me in close to him, even though I know that I should know better. I can’t deny it. I don’t want to. Even if it pulled me away from my father when he needed me most...
The next hour or so comes in a flurry – Todd has managed to get us booked onto a flight, and we make it out to Denver by the evening. I am so exhausted that I can hardly keep my eyes open, but I am far too wired to sleep. Todd tries to put his arm around me, tries to offer me some comfort, but I shrug it off. I don’t want his comfort right now. I don’t want him. There’s only one person that I know would actually make a difference, and he is likely pissed that I took off with no explanation as to why.
I don’t even know if he would understand. My father, Todd, they’re part of a different world from him. Maybe he’ll want nothing to do with me when he finds out. I have no idea. And I know that I can’t let that get too deep into my mind right now, when all I want to think about is the state that my father is in.
A quiet nurse leads us through the near-empty corridors of the ICU – the only other people here are those visiting their loved ones, like me, wandering through the halls like ghosts. I must look like one of them. I feel like it.
At the end of the hall is the room that my father is being kept in; Todd tries to hold me back from heading straight in, but I don’t want to hear it right now. I need to know how bad it is.
I need
