Her voice cracks and breaks, and I can hear the agony that she has been trying to contain spilling out to consume her. It hurts me to hear her like that. I ache to pull her into my arms, kiss her cheeks, tell her that everything is going to be okay, but I am not sure that she wants that from me now.
"He’s just done with surgery, and they still don’t know how he’s going to turn out," she sniffles. "I – I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. I feel so guilty..."
"You have nothing to be guilty about," I tell her firmly. I am not going to let her beat herself up over the night that we spent together, not a chance in hell.
"I can come down there," I continue, already crunching the numbers on how long it will take to get my bike over to Denver.
"You don’t need to do that," she assures me. I can hear the doubt in her voice. If she asked me to drop everything to be with her right now, I would do it. I would rent a hotel room out there just so she could have a place to come back to every night. Whatever it took. As long as we could be together.
"I don’t mind–"
"I have someone here with me," she replies. "Todd. He’s a friend of my father’s, he’s been keeping me company..."
She trails off, as though she has a feeling that this man isn’t exactly one that I would be too happy about. A realization grips my chest.
"Todd Chadwick?” I ask her.
"Yeah, Todd Chadwick."
That motherfucker. It’s tempting to toss my phone against the opposite wall, but I know that’s not going to help. She needs me acting sane, and that’s far from it.
"How long have you known him?" I ask. I don’t want to shit on someone who has given her some measure of peace at this time, but I know that a fucker like Todd Chadwick is best not believed. And if he knows that I’m the one that she spent the night with, I’m just certain that he might have had some pointed things to say about me.
"Long enough to know that my father would want him here," she replies. "I’m sorry I had to leave like that, Shotgun, I really am. I don’t know how long I’m going to be down here, but I..."
Her voice catches at the back of her throat. I need to be there with her. I need to hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay, even if I don’t know that yet. Something. Anything, to take the sting of heartbreak out of her voice.
"I miss you," she breathes.
"I miss you too," I reply. It feels like far too small a word for everything that is rushing through my head right now, and I have no idea where I am even meant to begin figuring it all out, but maybe I don’t have to yet.
"I’ll see you soon," I promise her. "And anytime you need me, you know where I am, right?”
"I know," she replies, softly, sadly. And then, she hangs up the phone.
And it is at that moment, with the remnants of her voice ringing in my ears, that I know it for sure.
I know that I am in love with her.
10
Spring
I yawn, run my hand through my hair, and sip on the coffee that has become all too familiar to me since I have been staying in Denver.
It has been a little over a month since I’ve been here. Almost a month since that night with Shotgun, a month since my father was in that accident – thank God, he has started to make a recovery, if a slow one. They want to keep him in Denver for a little while longer, just to make sure that he gets the specialist help he needs for as long as it takes him to get back on his feet.
But I feel as though we have been here a year straight, and I am not sure when – if ever – I will be able to get back to my normal life. The daycare where I work signed me off for as long as it takes, and even when I move back to Valor, I am sure that I will have to spend a lot of time helping my father through his rehabilitation.
Todd has offered to help, and I know that I should take him up on it, but there is a part of me that wants to put some distance between us. He has been good with my father since he has been down here, but honestly, he’s been treating this all as though I have finally seen the light and decided to give in and be with him.
And that’s the very last thing on my mind right now.
In fact, since I have been here, I have been doing my best to keep in touch with Shotgun, calling him every chance that I get to check in. It’s not often, but it’s something, even if I can feel Todd’s pissed-off glare at the back of my head every time I do it. Maybe that’s why I always make a point of calling him in front of Todd. To make sure that he knows that I’m not about to roll over and just let whatever this is happen.
Because the first thing that my father said to me, as soon as he woke up, was that he was so glad to see the two of us together.
"You have no idea what a relief it is," he murmured to me, clutching at my hand, even through his bleary gaze. "I know that you haven’t always seen eye to eye, but you’ve figured it out.
