I nodded, glancing down, reaching for Camryn’s hand. “Hey, we’re leaving.”
She looked at me, “You good?”
I nodded and forced a smile.
“Ok, text me if you need me, got it?”
I scooted by her, “I’m good.”
Camryn leaned in for a hug and whispered in my ear, “Tell him.”
I pulled back, rolling my eyes. “Thanks for everything.”
The silence of campus greeted us as the heavy gym doors closed. The sidewalk had a light blanket of freshly fallen snow, quieting the night even further.
“So, thanks for coming tonight.” Tyler walked close to me, but not quite touching.
“Thanks to you. I’m sorry I’m a freak.”
Tyler slowed his steps, “Stop insisting you’re a freak. Really, everyone gets sick sometimes.”
Rolling my eyes again, “Yeah. I guess.”
Tyler grabbed my hand. “But you didn’t get sick, did you?” My pulse quickened as I tried to breathe evenly. He locked on my eyes, stopping our forward motion. “There’s something else. Something happened to you?” His fingers were strong on mine, but a gentleness still radiated off his touch. “Tell me what happened.” It wasn’t a question, but there was no pressure in his words.
My emotions betrayed me, “I wish I could.” Tears rolled slowly down my cheeks.
He squeezed my hand. “Savanah, look at me.” My eyes met his reluctantly. “Savanah, if someone hurt you before, I get it, but I promise I’m not that person. I’m not going to hurt you.”
The tears streamed now, no longer little dainty drops rolling down. I smiled at him. “It is so not what you think.” My feet fidgeted in the snow; my chin dipped down to break the eye contact again.
“Then tell me.” He waited for me to respond. Finally, he gently grabbed my chin, “Tell me what is going on with you. Please.”
It was the please, combined was the gentle touch on my face that made me begin to consider telling him everything.
“If I told you, you’d think I was crazy.” My strength was returning. Maybe it was Camryn’s response earlier. Maybe it was thinking everything here was different.
“I won’t think you’re crazy. Honest.” His smile faltered for just a half of a second.
“Really?”
“Try me.”
I inhaled deeply. “I see things that aren’t there.” Starting small, that will see how he takes it.
He laughed before he could stop himself. “See things? Like what?”
I stood back on my heals, “Yep, that’s what I thought. It’s ok. Really.” I turned away, stepping towards my dorm.
“Wait, would you? Savanah, stop.”
My feet quickened. With every step I gained confidence in my decision. No one else needed to know my secret. I’d already told him too much.
“Savanah, seriously. I’m sorry! You see things? Like what?” Tyler reached for my hand, and I pulled it away.
“I’m really tired. Good night, Tyler.” I turned on my toes and climbed the stairs to my dorm. Tyler called behind me, but I didn’t let one step falter. I continued as quickly as I could, tuning out his voice. I focused on my own mind and getting closer to the doors.
He couldn’t handle what I had to say. He couldn’t take it. Besides, I didn’t really feel comfortable admitting what I saw. After all, it wasn’t supposed to continue.
I’d left that behind.
I pulled the door open, hearing the faintest edge of Tyler’s voice in the distance.
The voices, the images, the people-ghosts were not supposed to follow me here.
And yet, they were here.
I curled my legs into myself as I watched the snow drift down out the window.
So much was different. So much had changed since I first came to this place.
And yet-
It was the exact same.
But it wasn’t.
The falling snow thickened, and the flakes grew heavier, fuller, and yet somehow their drift down through the clouds had slowed. I focused on their shapes, their positions, their soft flutter.
I was the snow. I had changed since coming here. Before it fell fast, and wet-haphazardly hitting the sidewalk with no purpose, no planned trajectory.
And now?
Now I had started to trust others, make friends, be ok in larger groups. Looking back at the snow I saw myself in the flakes again.
Now, I was fuller, more substantial and floating down slower, with purpose and somehow in the darkness of my room, in the tiny window, I saw I also had intention.
Chapter Seven
I slept harder and better than I had in months. Nothing disturbed my sleep. I’d drifted off sometime after midnight, assuring Camryn I was fine, and ignoring three text messages from Tyler.
My eyes fluttered open to my entire room still sleeping.
That never happened.
I gathered my shower bag and headed down the hall.
In the span of a few hours, it felt I had aged mentally, settled into my realities.
The reality stood firmly-I see things that are not there. Rather it be a mental disorder on my end, or something entirely different, that was still to be determined.
I smirked at Darcy saying I was a Medium.
As if.
I twisted my hair into the towel. Today, I would do homework and focus on nothing else.
I laughed. Well, I would try to not focus on anything else.
I found the library to be almost too busy on Sundays. It seemed all those who were supposed to study all weekend saved all their work until Sunday.
I’d found a small little corner I could tuck away in. My ear buds firmly shoved into my ears, I cracked the book, looking for the faint memories of my class lecture. My paper for Western Civ wasn’t going to just write itself.
The day drug on as I
