My gut clinched and a sharp pain ran through my head.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Currently, I was normal. Currently, I was average. I had been given a sight, a gift, that could have been used for such great things, and I wasted so much time…
Now it had escaped me. Honestly, I wanted it back now more than ever. I longed to be weary from standing too near a spirit. I missed the creepy sensation of cold filling my limps.
I took a deep breath and turned back towards the kitchen. My head throbbed slightly, which had become normal since my fall, but my mind was clearer.
Or maybe lighter was a better description. As if the cobwebs had been swept from the murky window and light streamed in.
I had shifted in that tiny window of time standing in the ancient grange hall, watching bedazzled sweaters dance gayly around the room.
Somehow, through all the shiny sequins and glitter, I decided who I would be and what I would allow myself to not be ever again.
Chapter Eleven
J term, as it was called at the college, was a very short, very intense, but incredibly fun semester. Many students took trips abroad and had the opportunity to do different studies they didn’t usually have the chance to do.
For me, it felt lonely, because Camryn was one of those students. She left a couple days after I returned to campus. Her and a biology class had headed to Belize for three weeks of studying marine life and jaguars. I didn’t quite understand how the two could possibly be that close to one another. But then again, I was a psychology major, and anything that had bio in the title was a class I avoided at all costs.
The other roommates had remained friendly, and invited me to meals and games, but I still hadn’t been fully released yet from my concussion, so sporting events were definitely out.
Tyler had been cool since I returned. We didn’t have any classes together, and I pretended that must be the reason for the distance. Then again, I continually reminded myself that it didn’t matter. He knew the truth, he didn’t want to believe it, and now since that was gone, I didn’t have time to worry about how that may affect him or make him uncomfortable. He either liked me as me or didn’t.
The resolve in my mind was much stronger when I said it out loud and ignored the pang in my chest. I knew I had to stay clear and concise on my new commitment to me. It just wasn’t always easy.
Heading to all meals, I walked directly in front of Blachley, hoping something would happen, some feeling, some small prickle. It continued to stay silent, and barren. Even after my work study shifts ended, which I had been able to still go to, but was only allowed to do tours, since it didn’t require reading, I walked slowly out the front door, lingering, waiting.
“Am I interrupting a conversation?” Tyler’s voice came from over my shoulder.
I turned quickly, almost running directly into him. “you scared me!”
“Sorry, were you-um-talking to someone?” He looked from me to the grand house over my shoulder.
My brow furrowed, “No, I am the only one here.”
He cocked his head slightly. “Ok” he shoved his hands into his pockets, “So, you know how you said you could talk to my grandpa and ask him some stuff for me?”
My face fell. Tyler didn’t know, he didn’t know that my special ability had left, spilled on the sidewalk maybe two feet from where I stood right now.
He continued, “Well, the thing is, my parents told me some stuff at Christmas, and I think you may be able to help us. There is a box with a deed in it that was lost. Grandpa is the only one who knew where it was. So, I was thinking if you could...”
I cut him off, “No Tyler, I can’t.” I shook my head rushing through my words.
His foot stepped back, shifting his weight. “Ok, well, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. Look, it isn’t for me. It is for my parents. They really need to find it. I know things are not great between us, and I am sure it is all my fault, but...”
“No, you don’t understand, it isn’t that I don’t want to, it is that I literally can’t.”
His face screwed up, and his green eyes frosted over. “Please?”
I sighed, “I would Tyler, if I could. It’s gone. I can’t do it anymore. When I fell. It – it’s gone.”
Tyler’s expression tightened. “Just like that?” His lips thinned and for the first time his face looked ugly. “Right. Sure, well thanks for nothing. It isn’t like my family's land matters to you.”
He pivoted on his heal and walked away before I could stop him.
“Tyler, wait. Please?” I yelled, but he just held his hand up in dismissal.
My feet remained glued to the sidewalk. I touched my cheek as I felt wetness almost reach my chin. Damn eyes. Why was it I had to cry every time something happened? My emotions were like a poorly behaved toddler.
I slammed the door to my dorm when I finally reached it. My room mates were all still at practices, or meetings, or workouts. Sports definitely kept them busy.
