Reid is never going to want me now, the thought makes me sob harder, I’m surprised I have any tears left to shed. With a roar he stops moving and empties himself into my unprotected body, getting up he looks down at me while fastening his belt “Love a virgin, I hope I see you again soon little one” he says as he strokes my cheek, I don’t even have the awareness to move away from him now, I feel like my mind has snapped. He moves to the kitchen table and throws down a wad of cash before leaving out the back door. I lay on the floor putting myself into the smallest ball possible wishing my heart would stop beating.
I lay there for what seems like hours until I finally push myself onto shaky legs, feeling soreness between my legs makes me wince as sobs wrack my body. My head spins when try to remain upright, I have to use the kitchen counter to keep myself up. I look over to see mum passed out on the sofa, how could she do this to her own child. The wad of cash on the side makes what just happened all too real. I run out the back door as fast as I can but my legs don’t cooperate like they should, my head thumps as I make my way to the only place I could probably get to in this state. I finally make it to the door managing a weak knock, my legs give out from under me and I crumble against the door, finally letting the blackness take me.
Chapter Eight
Reid
She left. I finally told her my biggest secret, the one thing that’s been making my life hell and took her from me, and she left. Sitting on the sofa I put my hands on top of my head to try and make sense of what just happened. I know why she’s angry, I would be too if I found out what she has, but she has to know I still love her. I only went along with it so I could protect her. Why didn’t I just tell her back then!
I should have just told her.
She’s right, we would have worked it out, but being the idiot I am, I didn’t think there was any other option. When Tiff showed me the video at the Halloween party, I thought I was going to be sick. No one had ever seen Beck’s like that, we were each other’s first everything. Squeezing my eyes shut I feel like I’m going to throw up all over again when I think of that night I gave myself to Tiff, I gave away something I’d promised to Beck’s years before.
She’s never going to forgive me, and I don’t blame her. I’ve seriously broken our trust by hurting her so badly. God, the way I’ve been acting towards her since she’s been home, you don’t do that to someone you love. At least when she was away I didn’t have to watch her move on, but having her back, dancing with Brady that night. I wanted to hurt her, for making me feel like this… for making me feel anything. I’d been so numb the day I left that stuff on her doorstep, I had to shut my feelings off otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I hadn’t let myself feel at all while she was away, I turned to partying and drinking to try and numb the thoughts that were constantly on my mind.
But the moment I saw her at the party, the feelings I’ve been trying to suppress for the last two years came right to the surface, almost choking me. She looked even more fucking beautiful than in my dreams, her sexy curves called me to as she swayed her hips. She doesn’t even know how amazing she is. I couldn’t stop the jealously that hit me when I noticed Brady with his hands on her. I knew he would never go there, but I was desperate to be able to hold her again, and I knew she wouldn’t let me. Everything went to shit when Tiff landed her bony ass on my lap, she kissed the hell out of me and I knew Beck’s was watching, I could feel her eyes on me. I should have pushed her off my lap, but fear of her ruining Beck’s life made me kiss her back.
My life is a complete mess, Brady and mum tried to get me to fess up why I threw the love of my life away, but they wouldn’t understand. I couldn’t let Tiff do that to her, she had enough going on at home with her shitty mother. I couldn’t fix that at the time. But I could fix this.
I shouldn’t have let her leave, I should have made her stay and told her all the ways I’m sorry and wished I could take it all back. We could have sat down and worked out how to move forward. I refuse to believe that we are over forever. The fact she still loves me means there is a way back for us. There will always be a way back.
Beck’s said she would have let Tiff post the video if she had to choose between me and her reputation, It hurt to think if I had just told her, we wouldn’t have lost these last few years.
Getting up to pace, I try and think of how I can get rid of the video and get Beck’s back. When it was filmed we were 18, so I can’t use that we were minors.
Think Reid.
Think.
Just as I’m about to rip my hair out I hear slight knock at the door. She came back! Thank fuck. Rushing to
