Am I up to the task? Or am I going to fail…again?
Pushing aside his self-doubt, he got out of bed, ignoring the heavy sway of his cock. He could, obviously, take matters into his own hands…but he didn’t want to. He hadn’t had a sexual release with others or by himself since the first time Livy had kissed him at her birthday ball. It was the second longest period of celibacy in his adult life.
Master Chen would be proud, he thought wryly.
Yet Ben wasn’t withholding pleasure from himself for any moral reason. The simple fact was that he only wanted gratification with Livy. She made him long for things he hadn’t felt in years…maybe ever. He’d never been friends with a lover before. Never felt this protective over any woman. Never wanted to cherish her rare self even as he fantasized about debauching her and laying claim to her in every filthy way imaginable.
Filled with restless energy, he rang for his valet to help him dress. He would go for a ride before calling upon Livy. Then he would tell her the remaining facts about his past and his expectations for marriage, and she would make her choice to accept him…or not.
17
Livy cocked her head, halting in front of the fire. “Is that Hadleigh?”
Posted by the drawing room window, Glory reported, “No. Just a passing carriage.”
“He said he would call.” Livy recommenced her pacing. “Where is he?”
“It is only five minutes past two,” Fiona said from the settee. She was dealing cards onto the coffee table, polishing some of the tricks Hawker had taught them. When she turned over a royal flush, she smiled with satisfaction. “Perhaps Hadleigh is being fashionably late.”
“I wish he would show up,” Livy grumbled.
“For heaven’s sake.” Seated at the escritoire, Charlie peered over her wire-rimmed reading spectacles like a disapproving schoolmistress. “All this fuss over a man.”
“Not just any man,” Livy protested. “This is Hadleigh we’re talking about.”
The man I love.
As Livy had predicted, upon arriving home, she’d been met by a worried Charlie. That had led to Livy giving an abbreviated account of the evening’s activities. Since Livy hadn’t been able to hide her giddiness, Charlie had guessed the state of affairs between Livy and Hadleigh…and hadn’t seemed too pleased about it. Unlike Glory and Fi, who’d cheered when Livy told them her dreams were finally coming true.
“Livy has been in love with the duke for ages,” Fi said blithely. “She is going to marry him.”
“Not too soon, I hope.”
Charlie’s testy tone was jarring because, up until now, her attitude had been warm and obliging. The coolness in the lady’s grey eyes sent an uncertain slither up Livy’s spine. Livy crossed over to the escritoire, her peach silk skirts swishing.
“Do you have a problem with Hadleigh?” Livy asked.
Charlie’s lips formed a tight line. “He has a reputation for being a rake.”
“That was in the past, and I do not care,” Livy said bluntly. “I’ve known him since I was twelve, when he risked his life to save mine. I know his true character, and I love him.”
“You are young, Livy. Too young to give up your dreams for a man.”
Livy frowned. “Who says I am going to give up my dreams?”
Charlie rose, neatening the piles on her desk. “Do you truly think that Hadleigh will allow you to carry on your work with the Society of Angels if you are wed?”
The truth was Livy hadn’t thought that far ahead. She’d been focused on getting him over the hump of admitting his attraction to her.
“I don’t see why he would stop me from doing something I wanted to do,” she said uneasily.
“Because he is a man,” Charlie said brusquely. “He will see you as nothing but an extension of himself, and the law gives him that right. As a femme couvert, you will cease to exist as a person after marriage. Your very being will be subsumed under the identity of your husband. Is that what you want?”
Every fiber of Livy’s being rebelled at the idea. But surely not every man wanted a woman to be subservient. Surely Hadleigh wouldn’t.
Aloud, she said, “My mama is married, and she is very much her own person.”
“An exception does not the case make.” Sighing, Charlie said, “You have so much potential and have come so far, Livy. Look how well you did last night until Hadleigh came along.”
Pride sparked in Livy as she thought of her successful disguise, the way she’d handled the brute in the alleyway. Moreover, she and Charlie had discovered new clues. They now knew that Longmere was neck-deep in intrigue with Edgecombe, Stamford, Bollinger, and Thorne…and some mysterious Chinese partner whose name could not be spoken.
What were the men up to? Why did Longmere want to stop participating in whatever they were doing? For Pippa’s sake, Livy was determined to find out the answers when she, Charlie, and the Willflowers surveilled Longmere at the pleasure gardens tomorrow evening.
“You have many accomplishments ahead of you,” Charlie pressed on. “Many women you could help. Don’t sell yourself, or our clients, short over a fleeting passion.”
“Hadleigh is more than a temporary passion. I love him,” she declared.
“And that makes him even more dangerous,” Charlie said. “Nothing is more deceptive, more capable of betrayal, than love.”
Livy cocked her head. “Were you hurt by someone you love?”
Charlie’s composure cracked, and the anguish that bled through stunned Livy into silence. She looked to Fi and Glory for help, but they only looked back at her, wide-eyed. This was the first time any of them had witnessed their leader as anything but utterly self-possessed.
In the next heartbeat, Charlie’s poise
