“Did you enjoy yourself?” he murmured.
“With all my heart.” She gave him a mischievous look. “And other less mentionable parts.”
He tweaked a lock of her hair. She’d dispensed with her wig, leaving her own locks loose and free.
“To think I was afraid of corrupting you,” he said dryly.
“You may put that fear to rest. I love being with you, Ben.” She angled her head up to meet his gaze. “And not just in the way we were together tonight. Since I was twelve years old, I have always gravitated to you, always wanted to be in your presence. We could be playing cards or chatting or doing nothing at all: I just want to be with you. I will always want that.”
“I feel the same way.” The note of wonder in his voice squeezed her heart. “I don’t pretend to understand why or how my feelings for you changed, but I accept that they have. Accept that I want you more than I’ve wanted anything.”
“I’m yours,” she said happily.
He was silent long enough for her to worry.
“Ben?” she prompted.
“For years, I was an opium user.”
His jarring words made her sit up and face him. “Pardon?”
“You should know this part of my past.” His expression was bleak, but he met her gaze readily. “I had an opium habit. It started before you first met me and lasted until two years ago.”
As her shock wore off, pieces fell into place. She remembered his pallor and bloodshot eyes, his painful gauntness. The times he’d seemed listless and ill.
“Have you…do you…?” She didn’t know how to ask.
“Not for two years and never again,” he said resolutely. “I don’t touch spirits either. Opium is in my past, but I felt it was only fair that you know. In case it…it changed anything.”
His raw honesty humbled her.
“Nothing could change how I feel about you,” she said softly.
He let out a breath that she hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Good.”
Can I trust you to feel the same way? If I told you my secret, would you still…
She drew her brows together, realizing that he hadn’t spoken of love yet. But they had covered a lot of ground this eve, and the fact that he accepted his desire for her was enough for now. She did not doubt his care for her and was certain he would get to love eventually.
“Why the serious expression?” Ben asked.
“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking.”
“About?”
She gave the first excuse that came to mind. “Pippa.”
She regretted her choice when Ben lowered his brows.
“You must desist in your efforts to help her. I mean it, Livy,” he said with emphasis. “The situation is dangerous: you do not know what Longmere is involved in.”
An obvious fact struck Livy, one she couldn’t believe she’d overlooked.
“But you do?” She stared at him. “Is that why you were at the Black Lion Inn and Cremorne Gardens? Were you following Longmere? For what purpose?”
He studied her before replying. “I have reason to believe he may be involved in the distribution of a deadly drug. It is similar to opium but far more lethal. Several lives have been lost to this substance just in the past few weeks.”
She blinked. “And how do you know this?”
“It is a long story, and we’re at Lady Fayne’s.”
She hadn’t realized that the carriage had stopped. “Fine. You can tell me before we speak to Longmere together.”
“There is no way in hell I’m taking you—”
“I can help. Please trust me. I know Longmere better than you do.” Taking a risk, she said, “At the Black Lion, I heard him say that he wanted out of some scheme he and his cronies are embroiled in.”
Ben’s mouth formed a grim line. “What else did you hear?”
“I will tell you…if you bring me with you to interrogate Longmere.”
He narrowed his gaze. “Are you attempting to coerce me?”
“I’m trying to negotiate with you,” she countered. “Please, Ben, you know how much Pippa means to me. I must help her. Besides, I won’t be in any danger if you are there. I know the address of Longmere’s studio, where Pippa says he spends most of his time. You and I could go together tomorrow.”
After a moment, Ben muttered, “Was I under the delusion that I was captain of this ship?”
“Every captain needs a first mate.” She gave him her most winning smile. “If we are contemplating a future together, we should know how we deal with one another in everyday life.”
“We’re talking about interrogating a man on his involvement in a drug enterprise. Not choosing a china pattern.”
“Nonetheless, we would be working together. And that is what I want from marriage,” she said in a heartfelt rush. “I know you want my obedience, and I will try my best to be guided by you. But I also want us to be trusted friends, the way we have always been. I want us to share everything: our darkest fears, brightest hopes, and grandest passions.”
He opened his mouth…then closed it. She saw the conflict and yearning on his handsome features. It heartened her that he, too, wanted the kind of closeness she described even though he had to reconcile it with his protective nature.
“Devil take it.” He looked thoroughly disgruntled. “Fine, you may come—”
“Thank you!”
“If you do as I say before, during, and after the meeting.”
“Where you lead, I follow,” she said promptly.
With an exaggerated sigh, he directed his gaze at the ceiling. “God help me.”
20
The following afternoon, Ben picked Livy up from Lady Fayne’s. The little vixen had told Lady Fayne that Ben was taking her for a drive through Hyde Park in his phaeton, an activity that did not require the presence of a chaperone. Ben did not know whether
