He realized with a flash that she, herself, had given him the answer.
I didn’t want to lie to you, but I was scared to tell the truth.
Why would Livy be scared? She was bold and fearless, the most determined female he’d ever met. Understanding prickled through him like sensation returning to a limb that had fallen asleep.
“Because she loves me,” he said hoarsely. “And I made her obedience a requirement of being with me. I made her think that she…she could not be herself.”
Remorse throbbed in his chest. How could he have been so unfair? If he truly thought about it, he adored her spirit and independent ways. Yet he’d been afraid too, he recognized. Of repeating his past. Of losing someone he loved, the way he’d lost his sister, his parents…and even his wife.
But his relationship with Livy was different from those others. He knew in his bones that Livy’s loyalty to him was steadfast. While she had lied to him, she had done so for entirely different reasons than Arabella had. His wife had twisted the truth to manipulate him.
Livy had done so because she’d wanted to be herself and to be with him.
And he wanted that too. More than anything.
“I have been a fool,” he said, stunned.
“Love makes fools of us all. I would not be too hard on yourself, my friend. While Lady Olivia’s youth and inexperience may have led her to make some wrong choices, your experience and history also blinded you to certain truths.”
“Livy is nothing like Arabella. She is loving and loyal…” He trailed off as a sudden premonition slammed into him. He surged to his feet. “Holy hell, I have to find her.”
“Why the urgency?” Chen asked, frowning.
Panic propelled him toward the door. “Knowing Livy, she may have walked away from me, but she won’t stop trying to find my attacker!”
Accompanied by Chen, Ben arrived at Lady Fayne’s less than an hour later. He rang the bell, and an eternity seemed to pass before the door opened, revealing the butler.
The mountain of a man glared at Ben, his unpatched eye glinting with hostility. “What do you want?”
“I’m here to see Lady Olivia,” Ben said.
“She is not at home.”
Fear clawed at Ben. “Where is she?”
“She nearly drowned saving your useless ’ide. Bravest and stupidest thing I ever saw,” the butler growled, his fists planted on his hips. “And ’ow do you thank the lass? You made ’er cry. This is me being polite, Your Grace, when I say sod off.”
Ben’s chest clenched, as did his fists. “I’ll see for myself if she’s here. Stand aside.”
“No bleeding way—”
“Hawker, let him in.”
At the sound of Livy’s voice, relief crashed over Ben. The butler grudgingly moved aside, and Ben strode into the antechamber...stopping at the sight of Livy. Standing a few feet away, she wore a simple blue frock, her hair in its usual braided loops. Her eyes were a bit puffy, her arms crossed beneath her bosom, and she was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.
“You are all right,” he said hoarsely.
Her expression was guarded. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I feared that you might…” He scrambled to find the right words. “Do something impetuous.”
She tilted her head. “Like what?”
“I thought you might go after the villain…put yourself in danger.”
“As if I would do something stupid like run pell-mell into danger.” She sounded exasperated and so much like his little queen that he wanted to fall at her feet and beg her forgiveness. “I am a trained professional, not some ninny. When I go after the bastard, I will do it properly. With a plan and a team behind me.”
God, he adored her.
He took a step closer. “Before you prove how alarmingly resourceful you are, may I ask a favor?”
She shook her head. “I am not giving up this case—”
“That’s not what I want.” He took another step, drawing in a breath. “What I want is to tell you how sorry I am. To beg your forgiveness…and ask for another chance.”
37
Livy wondered if she was dreaming.
After crying all the way home in the carriage, she’d fallen into an exhausted sleep. When she’d awakened mid-afternoon, she’d felt hollowed out, as if a piece of herself had gone missing. Glory and Fiona had arrived, trying to cheer her up. Their presence and the work they had to do managed to distract her a bit. They’d just started laying out the plan for catching Ben’s would-be killer…and now Ben was here.
Hope warred with fear. As much as Livy loved Ben, he’d dealt her a blow. His rejection had shattered her naïve optimism; she saw now that there wasn’t an easy solution to their problems. What if love wasn’t enough to bridge their differences?
“You asked for three favors, not one,” she said tentatively.
“I am asking for a lot, I know.” The fierce longing in Ben’s eyes made her breath catch. “I vow I will make it worth your while if you let me.”
He was within reach now, and yet the distance between them seemed so vast.
“How?” She laced her fingers together, afraid that she might reach for him otherwise. “I realize now that I pretended to be someone I am not. And while that was unfair to you, it was to me as well. It was wrong of me to lie, and I won’t do it again. But I don’t see how we can be together when I am not the woman you want.”
“You are what I want,” he declared. “You and only you, Livy. When you told me about your society, I reacted badly. It’s no excuse but being drugged and finding out about Arabella’s infidelity…I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I took it out on you, and for that I am sorrier than I can say.”
His explanation made sense. Livy didn’t know why she hadn’t considered his state
